Chapter 345

I lunge from the chair and rush forward as fast as my swollen legs and heavy belly will allow. When I reach the door, I take a deep breath, forcing myself to compose before opening it.

I wrench it open only to freeze.

Disappointment crashes into me like a tidal wave when I see who’s standing on the other side and for a moment, I just stand there, fighting my emotions. Fighting the crushing weight of it.

I expected Adrian. Instead it’s the last man I want to see, especially today.

“Sierra…”

The disappointment that had been suffocating me seconds ago turns into red-hot rage.

Before I can think or even stop myself, I step forward, lift my hand, and slap Noah across the face, putting every ounce of strength, frustration, and anger into it.

His head snaps to the side, staying there for a moment before he slowly turns back to look at me and that’s when I see it… His lip is split at the corner. There’s a cut above his brow. One bruise blooms across his cheek while another darkens his left eye.

I don’t need to be told who he fought, but looking at his injuries, I feel nothing except worry for Adrian.

Not that I think he can’t handle himself but what if he was seriously hurt? What if that’s why he hasn’t reached out?

“I deserve that,” Noah says, his voice low and subdued, pulls me back to the present.

“Deserve that?” I repeat, seething. “You deserve to be castrated and have your balls shoved up your ass, you arrogant bastard.”

He looks at me, a brokenness in his eyes I’m not used to seeing. The only time I’ve ever seen anything close to it was that night. The night I went searching for him and found him mourning Chloe.

Looking at him now is almost similar, but worse because he looks like a man walking around with half his soul ripped out.

His gaze drops to the floor before slowly lifting back to mine. “I’m sorry for what I did and what I said yesterday.”

I scoff, folding my arms over my belly. “What’s the point of saying sorry after the damage has already been done, huh? What’s the point of saying sorry when you’ve already destroyed everything?”

“I didn’t—”

“Your words did! You planted doubt in his head, and now he thinks I only dated him to get back at you. That I was using him.” I struggle to breathe through the anger and pain, but it’s nearly impossible. “I finally had something beautiful and real and just like the selfish prick you’ve always been, you destroyed it.”

By the time I’m done, I’m breathing hard, angry tears streaming down my cheeks like twin rivers.

I’m vaguely aware of Lilly behind me, but I don’t acknowledge her. I’m too lost in the storm inside me to focus on anything else.

“Does it make you feel good, Noah, to destroy anything that makes me happy?” I ask, my voice trembling with rage.

“No—no,” he stammers.

“Then why can’t you stand seeing me happy? Why do you always ruin everything that brings me peace?” I grind out, my chest heaving as years of buried pain rise to the surface. “Since we were kids, you’ve done nothing but torment me, break me and ruin me, and now that I’ve finally found a small slice of happiness, you just had to take that too.”

Lilly steps closer, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Babe…”

“No,” I snap, shrugging her off before turning to face her, my voice breaking as my throat tightens. “I don’t understand why he hates me so much. All I’ve ever wanted was some peace and I can’t even have that… First it was him, then his wife, then both of them and even after Chloe died, he’s still a thorn in my side. I’m tired, Lilly. I’m so fucking tired.”

Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones or maybe it’s the anger and frustration or maybe it’s just everything finally breaking through but whatever it is, I can’t hold it back anymore.

I’ve never let Noah see me like this. Never let him see me weak, but right now I’m past that point. I’m beyond giving a damn.

Noah takes a step forward, his arms lifting slightly like he wants to reach for me but I step back immediately.

I don’t want his comfort, not when he’s the reason Adrian is slipping away from me.

“I messed up more than I can ever fix," he says, his voice rough. “I see that now.”

I wipe my tears with the back of my hand, my expression hardening. If he knows he messed up, then why does he keep doing it? Why does he keep making things worse?

“You seeing it now doesn’t change anything,” I say coldly. “Not when I’m the one left picking up the pieces after the hurricane that is you passes through my life.”

He drops his gaze and nods. “I know. But I still need you know I’m sorry for everything. For what I did back then. For what I said yesterday… for—”

“Stop,” I cut in sharply, my voice slicing through the air. He goes quiet instantly. “I told you I don’t want to hear your apologies. You don’t get to come here and dump your guilt on me, Noah. I refuse to make you feel better about the shit you’ve done.”

“I know.”

Those two words ignite something in me, pissing me off more.

“I don’t think you do,” I snap. “Eighteen years, Noah. Eighteen fucking years is how long I’ve known you and how long I’ve suffered because of you. So tell me, how is a simple ‘sorry’ supposed to make up for the pain I’ve endured?”

He doesn’t answer. He just looks at me like I’ve ripped his heart out and worn it around my neck.

“You told me you didn’t want the baby, and I accepted that. You told me to stay away from you, and I did. So why can’t you give me the same courtesy? Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“I just can’t,” he whispers. “I can’t lose you.”

A hollow ache spreads through my chest. “But you already lost me a long time ago… The moment you chose Chloe, it was done.”

My throat tightens, but I push through it. “You had Chloe, and she made you happy. Adrian made me happy and you took him from me. You planted doubt in his head and destroyed everything… That’s another crime on your list, Noah. One I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for.”

With that, I turn and walk back into my house.

I ignore him calling my name. Ignore the broken, wounded sound that leaves him. Ignore whatever Lilly says to him because how can I focus on him when I can feel my heart breaking? How can I care when, once again, I’ve lost my chance at happiness and love?

I move slowly into the living room and drop onto the couch, the weight of everything crashing over me.

“Babe,” Lilly says softly, walking in and sitting beside me. “I know it’s a stupid question, but… are you okay?”

My eyes stay fixed on nothing.

“No, I’m not,” I whisper. “I feel like I’m losing all over again.”

“You’re not… I promise that you’re not,” she says gently. “This is just a bump in the road. Things will work out.”

I scoff softly. Isn’t that what people always say to comfort you? To keep you holding on? But does it ever actually work?

I’ve spent my whole life holding on to hope even when I pretended I didn’t care. Even when I told everyone I was fine on my own and that I didn’t need love… Deep down, I still believed. Believed I’d find my person. Believed someone would truly love me. Believed I’d get my happily ever after.

I held on to that dream and now look where that’s gotten me. How long am I supposed to keep hoping? How long am I supposed to believe? Until I’m old and gray? Until I’m dead and buried?

“Maybe try again,” Lilly says after a while. “You can reach out to Adrian and try to explain everything one more time.”

Everything in me shuts down at the thought.

“No,” I say firmly.

Lilly frowns, confusion creasing her face. “Why? You clearly want things to work out between you two.”

“I do,” I admit. “But after Noah, I made a promise to myself that I will never beg or chase a man again and I’m not breaking that promise… I’m not going to beg him to choose me over his doubts. I’m not making the same mistake I made with Noah.”

Adrian had the chance to believe me but just like Noah, he chose to believe someone else over me and as much as I try to understand him, that’s not something I can easily let go of.

“Maybe I’m just not meant for romantic love,” I say quietly. “Maybe I’m one of those people destined to spend their lives alone and honestly, I’m okay with that.”

I’m not, but what can I do about it? That bitch called Fate has clearly decided love isn’t in my cards, so what am I supposed to do? Fight her? That will be a sure way to fuck up my life.

Lilly takes my hand, squeezing it gently. “I don’t believe that crap but if that’s what you need to tell yourself to get through this, then I’ll support you.”

“Thanks, Lilly Pie,” I murmur.

“Seriously, I told you never to call me that!” she snaps.

A small laugh escapes me. “I can’t help it. It’s such a cute name.”

“And that’s exactly the fucking problem… I am anything but cute," she grumbles.

“Whatever you say, Lilly Pie,” I tease, chuckling.

She huffs, folds her arms, and turns her back to me in mock annoyance, but it doesn’t last long. Within minutes, she turns back around.

“By the way, Aunt Ava’s birthday is in a couple of days,” she says. “What are you planning to wear? She said she’s throwing a ball this year.”

With everything that’s been happening, I completely forgot.

“I don’t think I’ll go this year. I’m really not in the mood," I admit.

“Come on,” she pouts. “It’ll be fun and it might help you get out of your head and forget everything even if it’s just for a few hours.”

Celebrating is the last thing I want to do, especially when it feels like my life is falling apart, but Lilly eventually wears me down and convinces me to go... though if I had known what was coming, I would have stayed home and locked the doors.