Chapter 2: Sunflower

I woke as I kept my eyes closed while holding my head. I feel like this pain is about to split my brain in two. What the hell??! Is this because of the whiskey I drank last night? If I had known this would be the consequence, I probably would not have chosen to accompany my sucky cousin.

But speaking of the devil…

"Shamcey," I called out. However, I failed to receive any response. I smirked as I remembered what she had done last night. She might be hiding right now, terrified of being scolded by me.

I lied as I massaged my senses, saying, "I won't scold you anymore if you give me a pain reliever."

"My head hurts!" I complained, still shutting my eyes.

A few seconds passed by, yet Shamcey was still not showing herself. This is always a scenario when she has done anything wrong to me. She will do anything I want, so I can forgive her as I won't speak to her mother, my aunt Rabiya, about her foolishness from last night.

As soon as I opened my eyes, the entire room was still quiet. But as I roamed my eyes around the room, I learned that I am currently in an unfamiliar room. As far as I know, Shamcey's room didn't have a spot such as this—same as in our house. Did I awaken from my own dream? My headache grew worse.

I sighed violently.

Frustrated, I scrubbed my face with my palm. I barely stroked my cheeks—I might be waking up from a dream. Soon after that, I opened my eyes once more. But here I am, still in an unfamiliar room, and nothing has changed.

Now I'm just lying on the huge, fluffy bed. My mind is empty, I have no idea how I got here. The thing that was on the table next to this bed caught my attention as I glanced around. I rose and headed over to it. The food, glass with nothing but water, and medicine were clearly seen as I took off the cover.

I was about to lay down and unfold the soft yet thick comforter that had been wrapped around my body. But I was horrified to discover that I wasn't wearing anything on my body. I even checked myself to ensure I wasn't dreaming, which caused my eyes to widen.

"Why..." My chest gripped. "... W-Why am I not wearing anything?!” I remember that I’d still been looking for my cousin that night. “Shamcey?!"

I almost pulled my own hair in frustration as I realized where I was last night and what went on at the bar before I passed out. My head hurt even more! I don't know what to do. What should I put first? I have to do something!

I closed my eyes tightly. Trying to calm myself down. "Inhale," I commanded myself, as I immediately did. "Exhale," I exclaimed, intensely letting out the air.

Okay, now I need to know who I'm with and how I got to this goddamn place. I reached for the comforter once more and wrapped it around myself. Then I sat on the couch. I need to concentrate. I need to remember what happened last night.

I closed my eyes for a long time, remembering everything that had been going on from the time Shamcey and I entered the bar to the moment I got in this room. I inhaled deeply once more. Trying to calm myself down. And there, I slowly recalled everything I had done. Reason to open my eyes, which grew wider instantly.

I swallowed harder.

I have no idea what to do. Should I scream or let out a cry, "That can't be." I sobbed, "I can't..."

"M-My... my sunflower!" I snorted in panic, as if I had seen a ghost. I wasted no time and went straight to the enormous mirror to take a look at atmyself. I felt some pain down there as I noticed the swelling.

I almost cried looking at my swelling sunflower. It can't be! I kept it for a long time. Then a guy I don't know claimed it just for one night?! I immediately took my red dress that was folded, , lying, and and arranged accordingly on the couch.

I hurriedly put on some clothes. Then I also took my phone that was just lying along with my stuff. I glanced again at the sandwich, medicine, and a glass of water, causing my stomach to growl. I couldn't stand it, so I quickly grabbed it and began consuming it. It's good that he has time to prepare for this. He must have felt guilty of claiming my sunflower!

After I am done eating, I immediately took the medicine to reduce my headache.

***

"What the f*ck, Heids? Where are you?" Shamcey asked me right away as she answered my calls; her voice sounded panicked, causing me to take my phone away from my ear.

"I've been worried about you since last night!" She continued.

"Seriously?" I mumbled sarcastically as I rolled my eyes. "You almost dumped me there like an idiot. Then you say‘ you're worried?’””

"Huh? H-Hello? You're choppy; I believe your signal is weak there. Hello?"

I just shook my head. Like this punk isn't someone I already know? What a great pretender just to avoid the things she did. I exhaled. "Pick me up at the hotel," I ordered. "I'll just send you the address," I added.

"What? Hotel?!" I moved my phone away from my ear. Why in the world is this woman's voice so sharp? My eardrum feels like it's going to break!

"I don't have time to chit-chat with you in a phone call, punk. Just pick me up. Right now,” I ordered. 

After hanging up, I immediately sent Shamcey the hotel's address. It took her only a few minutes to arrive and pick me up.

"Should I ask why you're sleeping at the hotel or not?" Shamcey broke the silence. I dropped the spoon into a bowl where I was eating the chicken soup we bought from the restaurant around the corner. We are currently at where I live. Then I glared at her. "Don't you see? I am still eating."

"Why are you so so high blood today?" She doubted me, giggling. "The only response you may provide is either yes or no. You can lie if you like."

"Could you please shut up? I want peace of mind first.”

Shamcey was laughing as she shook her head at what I had said. "The audacity to ask me for peace of mind," she uttered. Her laughter turned into a serious tone. "What about me, Heids? Did you give me some peace of mind last night? I was so worried about you."

"Are you really that worried? As far as I know, Cey, you just abandoned me like a fool at the bar. I'm like a fool looking for you around the bar's corner. Who was unfortunate that night? Who lost the sunflower? It's not you, is it?”

"Sunflower?" She mentioned it again. Now she's frowning at what I said.

"My v-virginity," I broke down, hesitantly responding.

I'm not sure if I'll be annoyed or angry by the reaction Shamcey is giving me right now. She holds back from laughing.

"What's funny? Can't you see, I—" I cleared my throat and turned away—"I just has had s-s*x with with somebody that I don't even know. I promised myself that I would only do it with the person I loved. To the man I'll be having a child with. But have you seen what happened?”

"Alright,” she swallowed. “I apologize. Why did you just call ‘sunflower’ your—never mind." She bowed. Shamcey, who had been furious earlier, was quickly filled with embarrassment..

For God's sake, I went to the club to have some fun and forget about everything for a moment. Who would have thought that in those moments of joy, my problem would get worse?

"I'm sorry, okay? I thought—"

"It is pointless," I cut her off. "There is no use if we blame each other for God's sake."

She breathed heavily.

I was still sipping my bowl of soup when my cousin asked, "so... is that guy you had a one-night stand with,, handsome?"

I choked as soon as I heard her damn question. Oh, God, please help me be more patient with this girl.

I gave her a glaring look. "Are you serious?!"

"Yes?" she laughed in response to me. "You know what? That's nothing to worry about anymore. I mean, this generation right now is getting liberated," she stated.

I don't know if I should be worried about this or if she's just gaslighting me with my worries.

"Come on, Heids," she approached me and hugged me from behind. "Don't overthink. I assure you, nowadays losing your yourvirginity isn't something to worry about anymore. It's normal to experience some pleasure sometimes. Besides, you enjoyed yourself last night, didn't you?"

"I—I don't know..." I murmured. 

I sound confused as I was so drunk that night. I can't recall every single detail. All I know is that I moan every time he enters inside of me. Every time he caressed an intimate part of my body, I gasped with ecstasy. He just brought me to heaven! As if that man knew where my tickle is, which is the reason why I let him and myself savor every moment of the evening together. It seems like this is not the first time I feel that kind of pleasure. For heaven's sake, I easily let that man claim me. And I can't believe I allow him to do such things to me. I guess I'm not the same person I was last night.

To be honest, I'm wondering if it matters to admit that I actually enjoyed myself that night if my beliefs and thoughts are overpowering with my disappointments and shame in myself at this moment. But the way he touched my skin, the way he kissed my lips made me feel as if I knew him, as if we had done this already.

"Don't overthink. Believe me, nowadays, that's freakin’ normal. Just so you know, my ex already claimed my virginity when I was only eighteen," Shamcey confessed. Reason for my eyes to widen. Eighteen years old?! She's still too young to lose her virginity!

"Huh?! Does Aunt know about this?" I mean her mom.

"Of course not! Why should I tell Mom what is happening in my vagina?"

I shrugged in my ignorance. She's actually right. Why would she tell her mother about that damn thing? Therefore, Shamcey is also at the right age—so we are. She makes a point that I can't always relate to.

Still, having intercourse with anybody is still not right. What if she gets sick? What if she gets an STD? I sighed.

"You know, it's okay to flirt sometimes, but do keep in mind to flirt responsibly!" she stated, as if she were reading my mind. She’s definitely got a point. 

"Whatever, just tell me." She sat beside me and turned to me, as if she were very intrigued. "Is it good? Is it big? Is it long? Is it worth losing your... What do you call it again?" She continued to think about the right word. 

"Oh, your sunflower!" She grinned at me. 

"Maybe you moaned endlessly last night?" She said without hesitating.

I gave her a glaring look. "You know, I'm going to sew up your mouth!" 

"Why?" She chuckled.

Our attention was drawn away by a loud knock outside. And I am very sure that it came from our gate. After exchanging glances, Shamcey and I made the decision to go. I gulped when I noticed two men wearing familiar suits. It seems that I figure out exactly why they're here. "Is Ms. Mary Jane Sanson here?" 

"It's actually my mother, who died recently. Is there a problem?" I confusedly asked them a question.

"We are bankers," they said, introducing themselves.

Shamcey and I looked at each other. Even though we haven't asked, we already know their purpose here. I'm not sure if crying in front of them enough to be given another chance. Even if I beg, they won't give me a chance. They've given me three months to pay the remaining sum of our property. But I failed to do what had been agreed on. I tried to find a way. I applied to a different hotel. However, none of them called to hire me.

How come the hotels I'm applying to won't accept me? Why am I so unlucky?

***

I find myself dumbfounded as I feel foolish carrying my belongings into Shamcey's house. I still can't believe everything I've been worrying about for the past three months will actually happen. My mind is still processing everything that happened now. I can't believe this. I feel as if heaven and Earth have intertwined to go against me. I haven't even completely recovered from my hangover when a new trouble comes into my life. Unwillingly, I dropped my belongings as I walked into their home.

"Heidi..." I was called by Aunt Rabiya, who came over and hugged me tightly but comfortably. That's when the tears I'd been keeping began to flood. I broke down as I embraced my mother's only sister. 

Aunt Rabiya patted my back. There, I remembered my mother. This is how my mother always acts when I break down and open up with her all the problems I face. I missed her. I miss her badly. If she had not left me, I might not be in this situation. If Mama was here today, I would be prepared to face all of these problems. I am not used to it. I am not used to being alone. I got used to having her by my side all the time.

"Did you know that you and Mary Jean cry alike?" She is referring to my mother, "She even sniffed her nose while we hugged each other. I'm glad you didn't get that," she said. I cracked up at Aunt Rabiya's unexpected storytelling. I let go of her embrace as I wiped the tears flowing down my cheeks. 

"You're ruining my moment, Auntie," I declared, sobbing and laughing at the same time. She held my hand and caressed it. She looked at me sincerely, "My dear, you are very welcome in this house. Shamcey and I will be here for you all throughout the challenges that you are now facing," she said carefully. "So that your mama's soul can cross over without worrying about your well-being,” she paused. “You know, she might haunt me. For God’s sake, I might pass out from her ghostly appearance.”

I was crying and laughing all at once, like a fool. This is Aunt Rabiya's unique personality. She can make jokes in this situation. She has a great sense of humor. She's pretty witty! Kidding aside, I know this is how Tita Rabiya comforts someone. She never disappoints me; she does not want the energy to sit around in a depressed mood.

"Heidi! OMG, Heidi!" Our attention was drawn to Shamcey, who kept going, calling my name. Do not tell me, is this a problem again? If there's another problem coming, I might just pass out!

"What is it?" I questioned when she stopped at the door, catching her breath."My manager offered me a job. This is fantastic timing! Aren't you seeking a job?”

My face lit up with joy when I heard it. "What kind of work?!" I inquired excitedly.

"Nanny," she said. The smiles on my lips disappeared. Nanny? How can I save money as a nanny?

I glared at her.

"Are you serious, Cey? Can you see how many problems are being thrown at me right now?!" There, I turned my back on her. There is nothing interesting in her news. The way she smiled widely, as if she had won in the lottery!

"Fifty thousand is the starting rate, Heids!" she revealed.

My eyes widened when I heard her revelation. I turned to face her again. "Fifty thousand?! Nanny?!?!" I ask again, thinking that I may have misheard her.