Chapter 10

Alina's hand was warm in mine. It's kinda funny... like I was the one who didn't want to let go of her hand. I had so many "What ifs" running through my head. Especially the one that kept echoing.

What if I never left? Would we still be the same? Would she still look for me? Would she still want me? 

Would we have ended up together?

But even I don't know the answers to my own question. I'm not sure if she'll ever truly like me.

I let out a weak laugh and smiled sadly, without meaning to. Then I turned to the window, where the glass had already started to fog up from the cold. That kind of mist that forms when the air outside is freezing and the warmth inside tries to fight it off.

Just like me, I guess.

I let go of Alina's hand for a moment. I didn't want to, but I had to change. The smell of alcohol was still strong, clinging to me from the glass I was holding when it spilled all over my shirt. It happened the second I rushed in to pull Alina away from that crowd of guys at the bar.

She'd already seen me looking like a mess. And the last thing I don't want is for her to wake up and see me even worse.  I stood up and quickly made my way to the only bedroom in my condo. I stripped off my clothes, feeling the stickiness on my skin. The cold hit me right away, but I didn't really care. The mix of sweat, alcohol, and everything that happened earlier... it was still there.

I'm now standing here, half-dressed and trying to calm down. I couldn't stop thinking about how soft her skin felt when I held her.

How close she was.

How her perfume lingered even now, mixing with the scent of alcohol on me.

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. I pulled on a clean shirt and walked back to where I'd left Alina sleeping. My eyes widened the second I saw her. She was half-slumped on the floor, her body leaning against the sofa as she started to slip out of her dress.

Shit, Leon!

I rushed over and gently pulled the fabric back down before it could rise any further past her chest.

"Alina," I said, trying to steady myself. She didn't say anything. Just blinked up at me, like she wasn't fully awake yet. I swallowed hard. Her skin was warm, and I could feel everything in me trying not to look.

But I did.

God, I did.

I forced my eyes to look away as I pulled her dress back down. I couldn't fully do it because she kept taking it off. I nearly cursed myself out. She was gently pushing me away, like she was telling me, without words, to let her be.

"Leave me alone... It's so damn hot," she muttered.

I knelt beside her. I could hear her breathing fast, and I could feel her body heating up. She tugged at the hem of her dress again while fumbling fingers. It was like she couldn't stand the feel of it anymore.

"You need to slow down," I said softly. She didn't answer. Just pulled the dress over her head and let it drop to the floor. I looked away, not because I had to but because I wanted to give her that sliver of dignity she was losing by the second.

After she stripped off her dress, she slumped back onto the sofa. Yeah, I'd always known her body was beautiful and toned, but I never let myself go there. I never let it turn into something I wanted.

But now... Now something was shifting inside me.

I hate that my eyes lingered. The way something dark and hungry started crawling up my spine. I was practically scolding myself in my head, pulling at my own thoughts like they were misbehaving.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I picked her up and carried her to my room.

And yeah, God help me, I can see how her thing bounces while I carry her. I shut my eyes harder. 

What was my plan? To put her in there and lock the door. I could set it so I'd still be able to open it from the outside. At least she'd be safe, at least she could rest without pulling me into her chaos.

But no! Alina just had to make things harder for me.

"Leon... Why are you so far? Stay here..." I bit down on my lip. Damn it, Alina. Don't you realize you're making everything worse when you say things like that?

She moved, tugging at the blanket I had just neatly wrapped around her. I pulled it back; she tugged it again. We were like kids fighting over a toy.

"It's too hot, Leon," she irritating said and shut her eyes again.

I ran a hand over my face, trying not to snap. If only you knew how damn hard it is for me to control myself right now...

"I'm not leaving. I'll stay right here on this chair, see?" I said, almost like I was trying to convince myself more than her.

I had my back turned, dragging the single couch across the floor. The legs scraped lightly against the floor as I positioned it near the door.

But then... two arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind.

Her body pressed against my back.

"Leon... you're so cold... You feel so good to hug." My whole body went rigid. Shit.

The couch slipped from my grip and landed with a dull thud. My hands hovered in the air, my chest tightened like someone had just squeezed it. Her arms tightened, pulling me closer like I was the only anchor keeping her from drowning. 

Before I knew it, I spun around and pulled her into me.