The Cost Of Desire

Fabian POv

You won't forget some things, no matter how hard you try to forget them. The memory of her walking away was one of those things for me.

Mia, that was her name. My Ex girlfriend. We dated all through high school, and for a while, I thought I found the one for me, the one who would stick by me through everything.

But the thing about being broke and helpless, is that love doesn't always survive it.

I still remember our last discussion one afternoon in a small Cafe off main street. Biting her lips nervously, which was shocking because Mia was always everything but nervous. I knew something was wrong. I couldn't just place my hands on it.

She had ordered coffee but barely touched it, her eyes darting everywhere but me.

After what felt like eternity, she spoke. "Fabian, I cannot do this anymore,"

"I need something more. And you are just not enough." She continued still not meeting my eyes.

I felt my whole world stop, because the Mia that I know would never leave me. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, men shouldn't cry.

What do you mean something more, I wanted to ask but kept mute. Of course she wanted more, we are no longer in highschool. She needs someone that spoils and showers her with gifts.

And since we started dating in junior year, the only thing I had done for her was pay for her food.

Even I knew I wasn't enough for her, I promise I'm not lazy. I work two jobs to support myself in college which isn't even enough.

If not for the fact that I was on scholarship I wouldn't be in college at all.

"Please Mia, I promise I will work something out. I just need more time." I pleaded with her, my eyes glistening with tears already.

"I'm sorry Fabian, but I don't love you anymore." She said and stood up to leave.

I quickly stood up grabbing her hand to stop her, "Mia, please. I will do everything I can, just please."

She yanked her hand away from mine. "Sorry" she whispered and left me.

"I will prove myself to you, I will prove that I'm more than enough someday, just please."I said to her retreating figure.

I finally allowed the tears to drop. Of course she doesn't want to be with me, nobody does. I'm just too unlucky.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I sometimes still hear those words from over a year ago. 'I need something more... You are not enough... I don't love you anymore' and it hurts every time.

I am currently a sophomore at Wellington University. A prestigious college I could only attend because of the scholarship.

It's the same pressure every semester, passing all my courses, maintaining perfect grades and staying out of trouble. If not I get my scholarship revoked.

I have never been one to express my pains verbally. Complaining won't cover the bills, hard work would. I just hope everything falls into place for me soon.

But I still think about her, sometimes on a lonely night like today. About the way she looked at me when she said those words.

About the way I promised myself that I would prove her wrong one day.

~

The next day, I prepare to go to my class. This semester though seemed different, I was curious because everyone has been talking about the new professor in the literature department.

Dr. Tobias Reyes.

The name appeared on my class schedule like a challenge. My literature Analysis course had been reassigned after the last professor's sudden retirement.

I didn't know anything about Dr. Reyes except what the rumors had said, and believe me Wellington students are quick to gossip.

"I heard he is very strict." One girl from behind me whispered in the cafeteria line.

"I heard he is smart and very cold," another added, stuffing fries into his mouth. Someone else whispered again, " Apparently he turned down an offer from Harvard to come here, could you believe that?"

My curiosity was growing every second. By the time I finally got to his lecture room, I wanted to know why everyone said he was cold.

Numerous footsteps could be heard outside of the lecture room, students came in and took their various seats. I followed suit and sat at a desk beside the window.

Already holding my pen to begin writing every word down in my notebook, I couldn't afford to slack in any of my classes.

Then he walked in.

Dr. Tobias Reyes. He was nothing like the former professor, he looked younger probably in his late twenties, too young to be a professor.

He didn't say a word and just walked up to his desk and placed his briefcase down. Looking at his face now, he was beautiful now I mean hot, his green eyes searching the room.

He picked up a marker and wrote his name on the board. As if we didn't know his name, I scoffed inwardly.

He turned to face the class. "Good morning, as you all know your last professor retired and I will be taking over." God, his voice is so, I don't even know how to say it. His voice did something to me and I don't even know why.

"The name is Tobias Reyes, y'all can call me Dr. Reyes or sir. Now let's get started before that attendance" he continued

He started by calling out our names. When it was my turn, "Fabian Fernandez," his green eyes boring in my ocean ones, I quickly raised up my hand before responding.

"He...here sir," I stuttered, what is wrong with me? I never stutter. I kept thinking and missed almost the whole lecture. I couldn't even write anything down.

Towards the end of class his voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Mr Fernandez, I will have you know that my class is for serious people alone and if you can't be serious, you might as well leave." He gestured to the door.

"I'm sorry sir, I promise to be focused." I whispered but I knew he heard me everybody did. By now everyone was whispering in the class about how I'm probably going to fail his course and all.

"Better. We have twenty five minutes more before class ends. I want you all to write on a piece of paper a short poem, something short but with a lot of meanings." He said.

Poem? I can't think straight right now, how am I supposed to come up with a poem within Twenty five minutes. Regardless I picked up my pen and started writing, I couldn't afford to fail this class.

5 papers torn later, I finally finished and was satisfied with what I wrote. I waited for the class to end before going up to his table to submit and leave the class.

"Mr Fernandez, do you mind staying back for a minute." I froze in my steps, what could he want to see me for?

After all the students left the class, I decided to ask him why I was still here. "Ummm. I have another class to get to, sir. May I leave."

"Just a minute, I need to discuss something with you.'

"You seem distracted, and according to your previous professor you are not one to be distracted. Is anything the problem?" He finished off.

"There is no problem sir, I promise to do better in the next class."

"I hope so, you can leave now." He said and gestured to the door.

I walked out of the class and released a breath I didn't know I was holding. Quickly moving to my next class. Throughout the day I couldn't concentrate, and I didn't know why. All I knew was that this was going to be a long semester.