The Groomless Bride

"Anak... Cassy... Tama na.” Nagpipigil ng iyak si Mama.  “Please. Don't do this to yourself.”

Parang kanina lang, ang saya-saya niya nang una akong makita suot ang wedding gown ko. Nagniningning ang mga mata niya. It was a reflection of the happiness she was feeling.

Kabaliktaran sa nakikita ko ngayon. Kahit walang luha, her eyes were swollen red. Pati na rin ilong niya.

I didn't want to make her feel that way. Pinipigilan ko na lang ang umiyak sa harap nilang lahat dahil hiyang-hiya ako. Wala naman akong ginawang mali pero kinakain ako ng sobrang hiya.

I was biting my lower lip so they wouldn't see it shaking. Konting-konti na lang at  tutulo na ang luha ko.

Pero huwag muna ngayon please. Huwag sa harap ni Mama.

"Mama... Give me more time. Maghihintay pa ako. Darating siya. How could he not? This is our wedding." I managed to say in one go pero halos hindi ako makahinga pagkatapos.

Nakikita ko ang mga kotse ng mga bisita kong isa-isang nagsi-alisan. From a distance, I watched how my parents bowed while trying to explain a situation na hindi din naman nila maintindihan. 

Inayos ko ang damit ko. Pinipilit na huwag masyadong maiyak para hindi gaanong masira ang make-up. My dress looked so pretty under the sunlight. The beads are sparkling and the tulle looked so white. It is everything I wanted it to be. Kahit ang langit ay nakinig sa hiling ko na sana ay huwag umulan.

It was the perfect day for a wedding. Everything was just as planned... until now.

"Cassidy, bestfriend mo ako diba?" umupo si Ellie sa tabi ko.

Tumango ako kay Ellie. Napa-hagulhol na lang ako nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin.

Kaya kong magsinungaling sa kanilang lahat na okay lang ako at kaya ko pa. Pero hindi ko kayang magsinungaling kay Ellie at sa sarili ko.

Napabuntong-hininga siya ng malalim. She spared me the look of pity pero ramdam ko ang galit mula sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam kung para sa akin ba iyon o para sa sitwasyong ito.

"Cassidy dela Vega." Tawag niya sa buong pangalan ko. Mapait akong napangiti. I was looking forward to it… the day when I’d be ‘Cassidy dela Vega Tan. Pero wala. “Wala pa rin siya Cassy. Gusto kitang i-comfort. Kung alam mo lang, gustong-gusto kong magsinungaling at samahan ka dito hanggang mag hating-gabi basta ba’t alam kong darating siya, but no. He’s not coming, Cassy. He left you for another woman. Iyan ang totoo, di ba? Kaya please lang. I know you’re hurting, Cass pero tama na… huwag ka nang maghintay sa taong hindi naman dadating.”

Ang tanga ko. I knew that already, but hearing it from Ellie made me feel even more like a fool. Pagkatapos akong sampalin ng katotohanan, Ellie gave a long hug. Her words might have hurt me, but I could never hate her.

The truth felt like a stab, a slap, a kick, a punch. It was an attack that was meant to kill me. Pero tama siya, I should acknowledge the pain to stay alive.

“I don’t know how I’d recover from this.” Pag-amin ko. “I don’t think I can ever recover.”

“It will take time, Cass pero naku, huwag maalala. Marami kang time! May second chance, may third chance, may unli-chance sa pag-ibig. Sa ganda mong iyan?” Biro niya pa sa akin.

I forced a smile.

“Ayaw ko na muna siguro.”

"Excuse me, Cass. You're perfect. Nasa iyo na lahat. Guys like him are too dumb to do this to you! Wala kang katulad, no. Beautiful, kind, smart, and of course, sexy." she chuckled and winked at me. "I swear, someone will come at the right time and he'll love you and he won't hurt you. Bus stop lang si Jake, hindi siya ang final destination."

"Ellie." my heart's beating so fast. Ni hindi ko nga siya matingnan pero naramdaman kong nakatitig siya sa akin. "Can I still love someone else even if… Huwag na. I don’t want to. Tama na ito. Soon, my life will change. Lalaki ang tiyan ko and everyone will know.”

Inipon ko lahat ng lakas na natitira sa sistema ko to see her reaction. At tulad ng inaasahan ko, nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya. Binaba niya ang tingin sa tiyan ko. There was a reason why I asked to alter the size of my dress. "Forgetting him would be impossible. Lalo na if I have this... this child inside of me." I touched my belly trying to connect with my baby.

I smiled bitterly. What an unexpected ending...