"Anak... Cassy... Please, don't do this to yourself."
Parang kanina lang, ang saya-saya niya nang una akong makita suot ang wedding gown ko. Her eyes were twinkling earlier probably mirroring the happiness in my eyes. Ibang-iba sa mga mata ngayon na namumula na dahil sa sobrang pag-iyak.
Pinipigilan ko na lang ang umiyak sa harap nilang lahat dahil hiyang-hiya ako. Wala naman akong ginawang mali pero kinakain ako ng sobrang hiya.
I tried to bite my lower lip because I can feel the tears forming in my eyes... Huwag muna ngayon, please. Huwag sa harap ni Mama. "Mama... Give me more time. Maghihintay pa ako. Darating siya. How could he not? This our wedding." I managed to say but I can hear my voice breaking at the end.
Inayos ko ang damit ko habang nakaupo sa hagdanan. Hindi na siguro matiis ng mga magulang ko kaya umalis na sila matapos kong makita na kinausap sila ng kaibigan ko.
My dress looked so pretty under the sunlight. The beads are sparkling and the tulle looked so white. It is everything I wanted it to be. Kahit ang langit ay nakinig sa hiling ko na sana ay huwag umulan.
Everything was just as planned... until now.
"Cassidy, bestfriend mo ako diba?" umupo si Ellie sa tabi ko. I am left alone with her now. Lahat ng bisita ay kanina pa umuwi. All that's left is me, Ellie and that tiny chance that my groom will arrive.
Tumango ako kay Ellie. I stared at her with tears falling from my eyes.
Kaya kong magsinungaling sa kanilang lahat na okay lang ako. That everything's perfect. But not to me and to Ellie.
Hindi niya ako binigyan ng naaawang tingin. Alam kong alam niya na ayaw ko ng mga ganung bagay. Sympathy just makes everything worse instead of making me feel better. Pity looks are just validations of how sad this situation is.
"Cassidy dela Vega." napangiti ako ng mapait when I heard my name on her lips. I thought by this time, I'd be Mrs. Tan. I was looking forward to it... "Gusto kitang i-comfort but I don't want to tell you lies and bullshits. I don't want to make you feel better. I want you to feel the pain and to let you know that whatever that asshole promised is not real. Iniwan ka niya para sa babaeng hindi naman natin kilala. All we know about her is that she's a bitch! After accepting the reality, you'll move on and forget the pain. Forget those suckers."
Ellie, after that message, gave me a long hug, trying to take a piece of this very heavy burden. My friend has this weird way of telling me stuff. It's like stabbing me, slapping me, kicking me, or killing me.
But she's right. I should acknowledge the pain for me to learn.
Nahihirapan man, I tried to give Ellie a sincere smile. "I'll feel better... Hindi man ngayon." I said as I convince myself that no suffering is forever.
"I know Cass. It takes time. At marami ka pang time! May second chance at love, third chance, basta unlimited! Sa ganda mong iyan?" biro nito sa akin. Again, I forced a smile.
Tama na. I wasted my time, efforts and feelings. Lahat ng iyon, kahit katiting walang natira. Lahat na basura na. Ayaw ko na.
"Imposible. Wala nang magkakagusto sa akin."
"Excuse me, Cass. You're perfect. Nasa iyo na lahat. Guys like him are too dumb to do this to you! Wala kang katulad no! Beautiful, kind, smart, and of course, sexy." she chuckled and winked at me. "I swear, someone will come at the right time and he'll love you and he won't hurt you. Bus stop lang si Jake, hindi siya ang final destination."
"Ellie." my heart's beating so fast. Ni hindi ko nga siya matingnan pero naramdaman kong nakatitig siya sa akin. "Sa tingin ko, wala nang magmamahal sa akin lalo na pag lumaki ang tiyan ko."
Inipon ko lahat ng lakas na natitira sa sistema ko to see her reaction. At tulad ng inaasahan ko, nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya. Binaba niya ang tingin sa tiyan ko. There was a reason why I asked to alter the size of my dress.
"Forgetting him would be impossible. Lalo na if I have this... this child inside of me." I touched my belly trying to connect with my baby. "I think this is it, Ellie. This is my final destination."
I smiled bitterly. What an unexpected ending…
A week before the wedding...My cheeks were numb from smiling.There were stressful cloudy days concerning the planning part, but now, I can't help but feel the warm heat from the rays of the sun. Mainit nga dito pero napakalinaw naman ng langit. Just like how I feel now that finally, after three long years, I will be Mrs. Tan.Alam kong hindi dito nagtatapos ang istorya namin but I want to enjoy the happy ending of the chapter. We encountered challenges, but we made it through... together.It wasn't that long ago when he secretly sent me those letters. It's too cheesy, and I can still clearly recall Ellie's force smiles whenever she'd see me wonder dreamily who was my secret admirer... but I'm such a romantic fool who believes in love and who deeply appreciates feelings conveyed through written words.I opened my drawer, and my eyes were immediately drawn to our wedding invitation. It was so simple. This was the least stressful part of the planning. Nagkasundo kami ni Jake to keep th
"Ellie." My eyes started to water at nanginginig na din ang boses ko. "Ano na lang ang mangyayari pag nagkita sila ng anak ko!""Yan din ang unang pumasok sa utak ko nung makita ko ang hayop na iyon Cass... pero alam naman natin na pwede itong mangyari di ba? Anong... anong plano mo?""I..." Ano nga bang magagawa ko? Ano bang gusto kong mangyari? All I know is our paths can't cross right now. "I don't want to see him."Punung-puno ng takot ang buong systema ko. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Tama na iyong ako ang nasaktan. Tama na iyong ako ang iniwan. I won't let the same thing happen to my son."Alam ko Cass. Wag kang mag-alala. You have my full support pero-" she rolled her eyes nang marinig ang phone niya na nagri-ring. She took a glimpse at the caller bago sinagot ito sa harap ko. "Yes?" walang ganang sagot nito. She sighed a soundless one and answered the phone again. "Yes, Sir?"Ellie corrected as she made faces while the other line's probably talking. Siguro ay si Troy ang kausap nit
"Oh, crap, Ellie! You scared the shit out of me.""Huy, don't say bad words uy baka marinig iyan ni Baby Jeremy. Ano ba."Muntik na akong masamid sa sinasabi ni Ellie as I held back my laughter, "Excuse me, nabigla lang ako at ikaw itong hindi makontrol ang bunganga pag kaharap yung bata no. Malapit na namin i-donate sa charity laman ng swear jar, thanks to dear aunt Ellie's contribution."Ellie pretended not to hear anything and continued to write some work-related stuff in her notebook. "Hmmm... Kailangan baguhin ang schedule sa Tuesday, magco-coincide sa meeting niya." she got a bit busy for a while, then began talking to me again. "Kamusta na ang cutie little baby boy na si Jeremy?"Bahagya akong napailing sa sinabi niya. Naalala ko kasi ang reaction ng anak ko tuwing sinasabi niya iyan. "You know he hates it when you call him that.""But I love it! Kahit sixteen na siya o kahit ako ay maging lola na, Jeremy will always be my first inaanak and therefore, baby forever." she defende
"Mimi!" Agad na sinalubong ako ng anak ko while planting little kisses on my face.I tickled him kaya naman lumayo ito habang tumatawa. Aw. His laugh is like music in my ear. Bagay na kahit kailan ay hinding hindi ko pagsasawaan. "Little man, why are you still awake?" I placed my hands on my waist. 10 pm na kasi at dapat, kaninang alas otso pa ito natulog."Mimi, my bed is very big without you." he pouted his lips while talking. I just wanna pinch his cheeks and kiss him pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. I want him to know that staying late is not going to make a good habit. "Mimi." he hugged my legs while saying Mimi over and over again."Alam mo ba anong oras na?" I said with a serious look on my face. Naka-pout pa rin siya and slowly shook his head."Mimi... I don't know how to read time using the clock."Gusto kong tumawa but just bit my inner cheeks instead. "Well, I'll tell you then. It's so late and all kids your age are now asleep. Next time, if Mimi comes home late, you go to