91. His Weakness (3)

“Can you not ignore me?”

After spending a few moments to take a breath and let it out mindfully, Josh spoke again. His voice sounded clearly pleading. There was no longer any anger implied in his tone. His facial expression was also no longer filled with anger like before. Instead, his eyebrows were arched downwards, showing regret and pleading.

Like an impossibility, Josh had managed to erase the emotion etched on his face and suppress all the explosions that were still left inside him. He was still sober enough to stop all his behavior that could potentially escalate the situation between him and Ashley. 

Although in reality, the situation between the two of them, it seemed like it was already very difficult to save.

Ashley sighed lightly.

She was indeed very surprised by Josh's anger that was poured out on her just moments ago. Because she was too shocked, she couldn't even react to it except to be stunned into silence.

Josh successfully made her mind and logic instantly stop and not function at all. Pushing her into a reverie and ending up in a daze.

But because Ashley had made up her mind very firmly to ignore whatever the man did or said, she was able to quickly regain her senses and remember what she had to do. She must not be provoked and retaliate with the same angry emotion, and must persist in ignoring.

Because before, when she reacted in a very normal way—angry, upset, and disappointed—like any sane human being in her difficult position, it still did not give her any solution. There was no fresh air let alone a way out that she could find. Instead, one problem after another that drained her heart and mind sprung up and only added to her burden.

“Then what exactly do you want? Want me to be warm to you?” Ashley asked, maintaining her flat face and tone of voice. “Do you want me to welcome you back happily? Do you want me to show my longing for your long absence? Or do you want me to ask with great curiosity how you've been?”

Josh closed his eyes deeply. It was as if Ashley's words just now sounded like sarcasm that tickled him very disturbingly.

“It doesn't have to come to that,” he emphasized, ”It's enough to just act normal as usual. We can't pretend we don't know each other every time we meet, right? It's uncomfortable.”

“So you are uncomfortable.” Ashley uttered her conclusion.

Meanwhile, Josh sighed a little harshly. There was a residue of impatience and annoyance that he couldn't get rid of completely and failed to cover up. And Ashley could catch the man's expression well.

“But I don't understand. What's it usually like? Like before we got married, when you pretended to be nice to me to cover up your lies? Or, like after marriage, when I find out everything and you pretend to be nice to me even more only to get me to play along in your charade?” Ashley's eyebrows arched up, implying her expression of curiosity. “Oh—or, like after coming back from Paris when you were blatantly cold to me?”

Josh's jaw hardened. His teeth were interlocked and a slight rattling sound could be heard from inside his mouth. He couldn't deny everything Ashley had said as if she had just handed him a large mirror so he could look in the mirror and clearly see his bad attitude and how their situation really looked.

But Josh couldn't just give in either. He had a very strong reason that caused them all to fall into this unfortunate situation.

“About after we got back from Paris, I was just annoyed that you were the first to be annoying to me. I know I went too far. But I really just want us to be nice to each other. Like two friends.”

Ashley snorted her laughter. “You think, me and you can do that? Under these circumstances? After all the mess you've made?”

“It might be hard, but—” Josh's sentence broke off on his own. Because he also didn't know how to continue either.

“Not just difficult. It's impossible,” Ashley was annoyed by the man's ridiculous request, but so far she had managed to keep her speech flat and emotionless. “You think I'm the one who came in and ruined your relationship with your girlfriend. But you're the one who clearly said you had no intention of refusing this marriage. You think that everyone is entangling you into a bond that you never wanted, and that it's causing you trouble. But did it ever cross your mind that none of this is easy for me either? Coupled with your relationship issues that you want to cover up, wouldn't it be more appropriate if I was the one trapped by the selfishness of all of you?”

Josh's forehead creased deeply. There was bitterness that slowly rose from his heart and clogged his throat.

“I know. I know you're struggling too.”

“No, you don't. You don't know exactly what I'm going through and how I feel.”

He knew exactly what Ashley was dealing with. Before, it was probably just a guess. Then after he found the girl's agreement with her parents, he understood why Ashley couldn't refuse their marriage either. But he couldn't just say that he had found the document and knew all of Ashley's secrets. Especially after what he had witnessed at the hospital the other day, about a woman that Ashley calls 'mom'.

Josh's hands rested on the kitchen table. His head was bowed with his eyes tightly closed again. Thinking very carefully about what he was about to say.

“Sharon tried to kill herself.”

Ashley instantly froze. She didn't know whether to believe the words she had just heard, or to ignore them and dismiss them as information she probably didn't need to know.

“She cut her veins and lost a lot of blood. She's very weak and needs a lot of time to recover. That's why I have to take care of her and can't go home,” Josh tried to explain as gently as possible.

The frown on Ashley's forehead deepened. She had a little trouble swallowing her own saliva when she heard that piece of explanation. Prejudice and worry somehow attacked her logic brutally. 

She remembered that she had never interacted much with that girl. Even when they were in Paris, she only exchanged awkward greetings. There was no conversation. No tension. When they met again at the cafe by accident with her mother and Mrs. Go, there was also no interaction. It could be said that there was never a history that could be used as an excuse for her to be the cause of the girl hurting herself.

But was she really not the cause? What if her presence in between the girl and Josh's relationship was the real cause?

Ashley's eyes trembled. She asked with all her might to cover her worries and fears. “Why—why did she do it?”