Chapter 04

TANIA

I sat on the floor of my childhood bedroom with my knees hugged to my chest while rocking back and forth. My gaze had latched onto the painting of wings on the wall and it hadn't faltered since. This was a special type of torture. Not physical but psychological. They were mocking me, reminding me that I no longer had wings of my own as if the sharp stabs of pain emanating from my back weren't enough.

My father had retrieved me from the cell after a day. He had been the one to bring me food and he had been the one to note that I ate not even a single morsel. Zephyr thought that bringing me here would help me. It did the opposite. It led me deeper into the darkness of my mind, allowing them to feed off my misery until I felt nothing. Not the cold of the room at nightfall. Not the heat of the sun when a sliver of sunlight caressed my skin. Not joy or pain or loss. I just didn't feel.

It could have been mere hours of me sitting like this, most likely days. I didn't care. Without my wings, I was shamed. I would have preferred death over this. No matter what I had done, my people would have at least feared me. Now...

Now I was as transparent as glass. Nothing. No one. Not even worth a single glance. It wasn't worth it, living wasn't worth it. I was well and truly broken. At odd times, when my eyes burned and I was forced to blink, the light of the thread incinerated the darkness. When my thoughts became too consuming, I would tug on the thread and a sense of safety blanketed me. I didn't understand it but I didn't totally hate it. It warmed me.

The sound of the door opening registered at the back of my mind but I didn't care to glance at whoever entered. Only, the atmosphere in the room admittedly changed. It became electric, the zing of it dancing over my flesh teasingly. I began taking in deep breathes through my mouth and the taste of cinnamon greeted my taste buds as if I had been sucking on a cinnamon stick.

Before I could stop myself, my head whipped to the entrance, and the darkness lulling my pain shattered. Everything I suppressed surfaced when my gaze collided with the honey-eyed, red-haired Alpha. He was here for revenge. He was here for his pound of flesh just like Kali but what more could I offer when I had already given the most precious part of me away unwillingly?

He didn't know that I didn't mean to harm the Hounds mate. She put up a fight that I never anticipated and I had to fight back to subdue her. He didn't know that I didn't want to hurt his mother, it was his sister that I was targeting. He didn't know that I didn't care about the human siblings of the vampire. I figured he would get to them in time to change them. I didn't think that human girl would die.

And what I did was not only because of my need for power even though they had starved me off it. It was something greater. He knew none of it.

My heart thrashed wildly and my vision blurred with hot tears. I scurried back, wishing I had access to the earth so I could use it to swallow me whole and then suffocate me. Maybe that would satisfy him.

The red-haired Alpha edged toward me, hands raised. It was then I dipped my gaze down his shirtless body that was toned and carved with muscles so taut, it probably felt like granite beneath my nails. I followed the blurred ridges of his abs, down the V to the light sprinkling of ginger hair that disappeared beneath low riding sweatpants.

"Hey," he whispered the word as if he were speaking to a wounded animal and the thread in my mind caught alight, "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you."

I pushed away, scuttling across the lush carpet on the floor, "Stay away from me," I hissed but my tone lacked the bite it usually had.

There was a gentle tug on the thread and a blanket of calm settled over my shoulders, "I'm not going to hurt you," he reiterated and crouched to reach a hand out to me. With his knuckles, he caressed my cheek and warmth paired with something tingly skated over the flesh, "if I wanted to hurt you I wouldn't have saved you, my beautiful darkling."

I was the way he whispered the words 'My Beautiful Darkling' that had my erected walls shattering as if they never existed. The tears pooling in my eyes fell and fell with no end in sight as ugly sobs burst from my lips. I reached out to him and he let me wrap my arms around him while he shifted me on his lap. My nails clawed at his skin, leaving angry red marks over his pale skin as I went on in an unintelligible voice about my wings being gone.

When he coiled his arms around me, pressing against my sore back, I yelled in pain. It was nowhere close to healing. All that remained was risen charred twin peaks that I kept hidden under a shirt I had thrown on.

The Alpha growled and pried me off him even when I shook my head in protest. I felt safe in his arms and, even though it held no logic, I wanted to remain there to absorb that safety. He carried me as if I didn't weigh a thing — considering I hadn't eaten, I probably didn't weigh anything — shifted my white locks to the side and lifted my shirt.

The sound of him sucking in air through his teeth had goosebumps littering my body, "Who did this to you?" He growled menacingly. When I didn't answer, he said more gently, "Beautiful Darkling, answer me so I can find them and make them pay."

I broke out in another round of tears and launched myself off him, whirling on him like a tornado changing its path, "You. You did this."

It was irrational. It wasn't his fault. But the pain ebbed when I didn't have the shoulder all of the blame.

Some emotion I didn't care to decipher flashed in those honey wells, "Me?"

"You," I swallowed down the lie like a shot of vodka, "you killed her. You pulled out her heart and I paid with my wings."

"I had to," his features morphed into the pain that tainted my blood, "it was either you or her."

"You should have let it be me," I nearly screamed but I had no energy, "death is better than being shamed!"

"No!" Honey swirled with onyx and a growl laced his words, "I would pull out a thousand hearts if it meant you not dying."

"A thousand hearts will never repair my wings," I did yell this time because this man's words had my heart fluttering and I hated it, "why are you here? What do you want from me?"

"We can talk about that later. First, let's get you showered and feed you," concern colored his tone.

I held my hands up when he moved toward me again, "Touch me and I'll show you exactly how dark I can be."

"You can't do that," my father's voice cut in — I hadn't realized that he was there, "all your powers have been cut off," he gestured to the neon silver bands on my ankles and wrists.

They were magical binds that cut off magic — elemental and dark — with a hint of iron inside it. I couldn't control the shadows or siphon but I could feel the darkness course through me because I was born of it.

"Let me help you," the Alpha urged, "please Tania."

I almost swooned at the way my name sounded on his tongue. Instead, I painted a scowl over my face, "What do you want, Alpha Sylvain Wilde?" I gritted.

I knew his name. I had done my research on him and his family.

"Right now, all I want is to help you and get food in you. After that, I'll answer all your questions as long as you answer mine. We have a lot to talk about."

I hated that he sounded sincere and I loathed that I knew neither man in the room would drop this. They insisted on finding new methods to torture for me. It was now being stuck in a wolf's company.

There was another tug on the thread and I caught the way Sylvain's eyes narrowed marginally. I tugged back and watched the way his fingers curled into fists.

No.

It couldn't be.

I tugged again — or more like yanked with all my strength which had a low growl rumbling in the base of Sylvain's chest.

"I think she's figured it out," Zephyr mumbled.

I shot to my feet with pure adrenaline running its course through my body. Sylvain shot to his and let me shove him against the wall, not caring to defend himself, "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," I said conversationally.

"How is this possible?"

"I don't know."

"Undo it!"

"There's only one way that I know of."

"What is it?" I seethed, getting in his face. His balmy breath — coconut I deduced — begged me to close the space between us.

Stupid wolf bond.

Reluctance was what I saw on his face as he gnawed at his bottom lip. He didn't have to say the words. I knew it. I had been taught about these bonds growing up. When my parents thought I would join their stupid, pathetic council, I had learned about these wolves.

"Rejection," I spat the word and watched Sylvain brokenly shake his head.

"No, please," he pled, "please don't subject me to that. I don't want to lose my wolf, or worse."

"I didn't want to lose my wings but here the fuck we are. Have you forgotten so quickly? Is this bond so powerful that it blinds you to who I am? I am not the good guy. I don't do what others want. I do what I want and I do not want this, mutt."

"Please, we'll find another way. There has to be one," as if a lightbulb went off in his head, he said, "there is one. The Hellhound mentioned it. We can find another way if that's what you want. Just don't reject me. I'll beg if that's what you want. I'll tear my hair out, and be your slave. I'll do whatever you want, just don't reject me."

I didn't care for anything he said. What I wanted he couldn't give me, "I want my wings back."

"Then we'll find a way to get your wings back. I'll find a way to get your wings back," his heart was so pure. So good.

It had me stumbling back a step with shock lighting my features, "What?"

"You want your wings back, we'll get them back, Tania. There has to be a way. I refuse to believe that there isn't one," he breathed.

"Why?" The word was barely a whisper.

"Why not?" Was his response.

"Because I've hurt you and the people you love," I stated blandly, feeling fresh tears pave their way down my face.

"The Moon Goodness mated us, linked us because we both needed each other. But it's up to us whether we want to accept her gift or not. I accept it but I will not force you to," he stated with a shrug but his shoulders drooped forward in defeat.

We had no deities or Gods. We had the elements which made up nature and that was it. Even in the Old World, my kind never believed in divinity. We drew our magic from the Earth. No one up in the Heavens created bonds for us. No one up there favored us so I found it difficult to believe that some Goddess had tied us together for whatever reason.

However, if not rejecting him gave him the motivation to find a way to get my wings back, then maybe I could hold my tongue. I needed my wings and I never heard of a fae ever getting them back once they were lost. But, like Sylvain, I was choosing to believe that there was a way to return them to me.

"Fine," I relented, leaving my face blank, "I won't reject you but you will find a way to break this bond and get my wings back in return," with anger fueling my actions, I stomped away to my adjoining bathroom so I could be away from the Alpha.