The Moment I Choose Myself

"Are you hesitating? Either you sign these papers or a divorce agreement. Make your choice, Clara."

My husband's icy voice reeled into my ears. I looked at him from under my lashes, mouth agape. I had been reborn, and to the very moment that changed everything.

Less than a quarter inch away from the tip of my pen was a donor consent form. In my former life I had enthusiastically signed it to save his first love, my twin sister Cassie.

Afterwards I died of anemia. Nick, my husband, was the only one who could have saved me because we shared the same rare blood type.

"Clara, your sister just came out of surgery and she needs someone by her side. If I donate my blood I'll be too weak to care for her, just be patient. I'm sure the doctor's will find a match soon."

They didn't.

And as I felt the life trickle out of me, I begged to see Luke, my stepson that I had loved as my own. A child that I had raised ever since he was a tiny newborn and his mother, Cassie, fled because she was not ready for the commitment of motherhood.

Luke didn't even show up after days of begging. Cassie, who'd already been discharged ages ago, personally came to deliver the letter Luke wrote for me with a smug smile smeared across her face.

It was too generous to call it a letter and what Luke wrote made me go numb inside.

It read; "Please die soon so my Mommy and Daddy can be together."

Droplets of salty tears fell onto the piece of paper, it was in his handwriting too but I gripped onto the canopy of denial.

"Luke, didn't write this...he...he wouldn't-"

Cassie interrupted me by laughing in my face, then she slipped out her phone from her designer purse and threw it to me.

The gallery was open, my finger glided over to the collection that read; "My perfect family,"

I swiped over from one picture to the next, Cassie was in all of them with my husband and stepson, the biggest smiles plastered on all of their faces. Each new picture created a fresh fracture in my heart.

While I was here, literally dying, they were all having the time of their life.

Hot bitter tears began to roll down my cheek. My fingers were trembling so much the phone slipped past them and clattered to the floor.

"How could you?" I whimpered pathetically as Cassie came over to pick up her phone.

"How could I?" She threw the question back at me with a mocking curve of her eyebrow.

"I was here Cassie! After you abandoned both Luke and Nick I was here, I'm the one that stayed and picked up the pieces and fixed everything. I didn't do that for you to come back and snatch everything away from me!" I seethed at her.

"Oh Clara, why are you blaming me? I never asked you to go after my scraps but that seems to be a bad habit of yours," she said then her phone began to vibrate, she picked it up and placed it on speaker for my benefit.

"Mommy, when are you coming back? Daddy wants to take us to the amusement park!"

My chest was tight. I could hardly breathe, without a doubt in the world that was Luke's voice.

I may have not brought him to the world but I was there for everything, those sleepless nights where he wailed without end, I fed and shook him gently until he slipped into slumber all while Nick had a full night rest.

"Sweetie, mommy's coming right now, but... Do you want to talk to Clara?"

There was a long awkward silence.

"Is she still alive?" He asked with genuine shock, "Daddy said she was going to die soon, I hope she doesn't recover so we can be a family,"

Cassie was smiling enjoying her front row seats to my misery, she ended the call and looked at me.

"You know what the saddest part of all of this is, my dear sister?" She cat walked over to me, leaned and whispered something that made my whole world tilt.

"I never needed a kidney donor, this was just a test to prove if they cared about me more than you, turns out I was right."

"What did you do with my kidney then?" I said in a voice that sounded foreign to my own ears.

"It was fed to street dogs, I think..."another call caused her phone to vibrate, "These boys can't manage just a few minutes without me, I'm sorry Clara but I have to leave. I'll try to see if I can convince Nick or Luke to visit but don't hold your breath, okay?"

She was right.

Up until my very last moment neither Nick or Luke showed up for me, the really pathetic thing about me was that I had loved them so much that I would have forgiven them even if they were the ones who pressured me to donate my kidney, even after all of their neglect and discard.

In my last moment I promised myself that if I ever got a chance at life again I would live vicariously and selfishly too.

And now I have come to this very moment.

I crossed my shapely legs, threw myself backwards towards the couch.

"Sorry, on second thoughts I won't be signing this." I told the current Nick.

He groaned impatiently.

"Is this really the time to throw a tantrum, Clara? You've already agreed to this before and-"

"Well I'm allowed to change my mind and that's exactly what I'm doing right now, changing my mind," I grabbed the arm of the chair and pushed myself up to my feet.

He saw me making my exit out of the living room and grabbed my arm with a grip of steel.

"Didn't you hear what I said earlier? Leave Right Now and we'll divorce!"

I rolled my eyes.

"I heard you the first time, that's why I'm heading off to call my lawyer, let's pull the curtains on this marriage already.”