MADDIE POV It’s been twenty-nine years since I’ve felt this kind of icy cold fear. But that fear, so long ago and deeply buried within my brain, hadn’t been for myself. No. It had been fear for Mama and what would happen to her once my sperm donor took me away from her. However, this fear, what I’m feeling right at this minute, is completely for myself. My thoughts have always just flowed for me, aligning with my words in perfect synchrony. But something inside of me says that today won’t be normal. Today, I’m going to struggle to make Josh see that I’m worth it. That I’m worth staying for. That I’m worth putting his trust in. And the idea of not being able to explain myself properly, or not being enough for him, is scaring the absolute piss out of me. I cautiously approach the hospital room door, apprehensive about going in, my heartbeat is pounding like a bass drum in my head and chest. ‘Come on Mads, you’ve never been a quitter or a w
JENNA POV I open my eyes again and I see stars. I’m confused at first because this is not what I was looking at earlier. The clear night sky is hanging above me with the stars twinkling down in answer, like I’m holding a conversation with the heavens. I can feel the soft and worn flannel blanket underneath me, rubbing on my bare legs. The familiar summer breeze fluttering the strings on my cut off denim shorts. The breeze brings the sweet scent of honeysuckle to me; the vine still grows on the chain length fence that surrounds the high school football field, where I know I’m lying. I can hear the crickets and cicadas chirping endless high and low notes of their summer night songs. If I look down, I know my feet are bare and my toes are painted in our high school’s colors. This familiar dream, once again, breaks my heart in all possible ways; the good and the bad. I know he’s there; I can feel his body heat radiating more intensely, over t
JENNA POV My eyes feel droopy and sleepy, and my head feels much too heavy to be sitting on my skinny neck. I just want to bury myself in my covers and go back to sleep. But there’s absolutely no way I’m getting back to sleep at this exact moment. Despite it feeling like an overly large medicine ball, too heavy and awkward, my head is also pounding like I’ve got a middle school band playing off key in my skull, and my mouth feels like I spent days licking carpet or using sand as mouthwash. The thin, light-weight blankets on me are scratchy and not nearly warm enough, these are definitely not mine. I feel a strange warmth and a heavy weight on my hip. I almost freak out until I smell him. Josh. The behemoth lying on me is definitely my overly warm, protective, and incredibly annoying big brother. My best friend. Goddess, I’m so glad he’s safe. I try to move and my whole-body screams in objection, especially my arm. It takes me
JOSH POV I get back to the packhouse after throwing up everything in my stomach. I really feel bad for doing that in the control room, but I couldn’t help it. I’ve watched the gore and mercilessness of a shifter battle, but nothing prepared me for witnessing torture. It was brutal and savage, completely different from a battle. Vengeful is an apt descriptor. I’m disgusted by what I saw and what these wolves are okay with divvying out. And Maddie heads them up. She enjoyed the feeling and that right there is the crux of the problem. I’m not sure I can be okay with her being okay with torture, but more than that, she lied to me. I can’t get over the betrayal of deception. I’m angry about it, more than I’m disgusted by my experience. That in turn makes me disgusted with myself. I was falling for her. For the first time in my life, I was falling in love with a woman. But… how can I be with someone who lies and tortures people? Luna Rose peer
MADDIE POV It takes Molly a moment and I see her gulp away her fear before she answers, “Yes, Alpha. You can trust me. I won’t approach our Luna.” “Josh is your Luna, you should feel free to approach and speak with him, whether it be casually or needing to discuss a pack matter. However, you do not have the freedom to make sexual advances toward him or anyone else who is mated. Am I understood?” “Yes, Alpha.” I nod in acknowledgement of her agreement. Using my palm, I unlock her cell door and hold it open for her to immerge. “Don’t make me regret this, Molly. And remember, if it happens again, your punishment is death.” I tell her as she begins to pass, but I reach out and stop her. “You’re on thin ice, Molly. If you purposely harm your sister again, or anyone else in the pack, your life is forfeit. No trial. No discussion. Right then, right there, you die. Understood?” Molly gulps audibly then nods, leaving her head down in s
MADDIE POV We watch as the prisoner futilely fights against the virus I’ve injected into him. Ivan, Bruno and I all try to get him to identify himself and identify his leader, to no avail. Feeling helpless and useless, we continue to watch, for several hours, as the life slowly and painfully fades from his eyes. In the end, he took his secrets with him to his grave and to the Goddess. I sigh as I look around, just now seeing the environment surrounding me. I never seem to notice the damage I’m doing to someone until we’re done. I usually let Infinity lead all interrogations and I make myself become emotionally numb. I become solely focused on the task of getting information, not what we are doing to a person. Infinity doesn’t mind as much. She’s an animal, after all. She, like all wolves, have an innate need to hunt and kill. It’s biologic. So, the task of torture doesn’t bother her like it does me. The interrogation room is splashed with