Chapter 3

“Mom”

I am looking at the back of my mother as she is staring out the window.

Drake postponed his work just so he could be with me when I visited my mom. I told him I would be fine but after what happened that time, he dared not leave me alone. He insists on going with me which I also want to happen. 

I am not sure if it was for me or for him but… staying by each other’s side… I am sure it would be better for the two of us. 

“Kianna”

Looking at me, I saw how my mom smiled so sweetly. As if she was forcing herself to do so. 

Now that I remember, she does smile like this even before. How foolish of me to not notice.

Drake let go of my hand letting me come rushing towards her.

“Mom…”

I mumbled as I hugged her so tight. But all she did was pat the back of me to let me calm down. 

“Shhh”

How painful it is for her? To get betrayed by her husband like that. to have her daughter fake her death just because the bastard of his husband attempts to kill her only child? I wonder…

I wonder if it was me, would I be able to live a life like this? Can u even continue to do so? Just thinking about it pains me deeply. How much more would it be for my mother? I can’t help but just smile in return. Trying not to show her how I pity her for I know it would just make her sad.

Everyone is in pain. Everyone is having a hard time too. In this life which I am afraid to call reality… why did this have to happen?

I thought… everything would finally be good. But it turns out it was not the case. It is but wishful thinking that I have. Problems will occur no matter how many problems you solve. That is how life is…

Clenching my hand, I shall stop this.

I can’t help but hate them more. That half-brother of mine. I also hate my father for being the reason for all of this… Acting kindly and living a life like this. He loved that guy even more than my mother and I… this isn’t right. Why is it only him who would be happy? That is not fair at all. I… I can’t forgive him.

“So… you want to know what really happened?”

Nodding my head, I was holding a glass of water. Drake was out there talking with my grandparents. 

“Yes… I want to know everything. Mom… please… don’t hide anything from me”

Looking at the necklace hanging on her neck, there was a lonely smile on her face.

As if she was remembering a happy memory that is now filled with nothing but sadness.

“When I married your father, it was one of the best things that happened to me. He gives my life colors. More than what you can ever think”

She started to say as she looked at the necklace she was wearing.

“But… no one is perfect. Even your father has flaws. And I married him ever after knowing his flaws. I love him and I will always will.”

Her smile was genuine. And that just makes me be in pain more. How I wish my mother could live a happy life. A life where she will not face things like this. I wonder if that was possible… how I hope I can make her happy at least…

“He was my first love. But just like I told you before, love is like a berry. And sadly, his love for me is the berry that was crushed into pieces… and if combined with something else… it wasn’t greater than the others. The taste and smell of that berry isn’t enough… since something else was greater than that. Something greater than that berry…”

Smiling bitterly, I clenched the glass I was holding. I hate it. I hate how Mom would be hurt like this… all this time. All this time it seems like she knows about Dad’s affairs. And yet…

“Mom…”

“Yes, I am not your father’s first love. I never was… and will never be… but he loved me. I know he did…”

That sorrow in her eyes… that painful smile… just why… why did I not see it sooner? Just… how long has it been since my mom felt that way? If only I knew… then maybe I would have the chance to make sure she feels that she is not alone…

But I didn’t. I was not aware… and I just ended up giving her more worries than she already has. How foolish of me… how annoying I was if I would think about it more deeply…

Without me knowing, I stood up and put down the glass I was holding. My hands don’t want to hold something like that glass. My mom’s hand… for some reason, I don’t want to let go of it.

“Marco, he was your father’s son… with his first love. He is… also your older brother”

I gasp… 

So it… it was…

“Then…”

Slightly nodding her head, she cups my face.

“I am sorry… I didn’t mean to put you in this mess. If only I knew that he already had a child then I should have backed down and let them-“

“No, mom… you did nothing wrong at all. It is not your fault. If… if not for you not giving up then I won’t be here…”

Cupping my face, I can see the pain in my mother’s eyes. I hate it, all I want is for her to be happy…

“I can take every bad thing about me but for you… I will never let that happen. It would break my heart…”

Forcing a smile, again, I am such a crybaby. Really… I am so sick of this. Where did these tears even come from?

“I am sorry to put you in this situation but your father loved you. He really did. I know it”

What Dad did to us is something I can’t just accept right away. It was something that I couldn’t forgive even if he asked for forgiveness. He loves us… but not more than them. He loved you but not as great as how much he loved someone else.

How painful it must have been. To marry the man you love but know that he loves someone else other than you?

Dad gave you so much pain and yet…

And yet here you are… still defending him. mom, you deserve someone better. How can Dad do this to you? You… you don’t deserve it… 

No one deserves to have such a fate!

But arguing with that matter will not do you any good. I feel like you would just end up regretting telling this to me. Because you don’t want me to hate my father. But… since the moment he let his son’s hand be cleansed just like that… the fact that he chose him over me… since then I am certain that even if years pass by, I will still hate him. 

How can he even do that… to mom… to me…?

“Yes… mom… I know”

He loves me… but he loves Marco the most. After all, he was the child he had with his first love…

But I don’t blame Mom. Even after all of this, I am still happy to be her daughter. It is not her fault…

Kissing my forehead, my mother mumbled.

“But I love you the most. It may not seem like it… forgive your mother for not expressing it. But you will always be… and will forever be my sweet princess”

As if hearing the words she used to tell me when I was a little, I can feel the tears growing on the side of my eyes.

“I love you too, mom”

Is it a magical power that mothers always have? No matter how painful it was for me in those times… I can’t seem to hate her just like I thought I would. 

Sweet princess… now that I think about it, I did live like a princess. I was even saved by my prince charming… but… not all princesses can keep on hiding. Letting herself be protected all the time…

‘Kianna Amanda…’

I mumbled to myself the moment I left the room. 

‘I was never born to be a princess… because I am a Queen. The enduring one…’

...

[Kianna are you out of your freaking mind??! Stay where you are and don’t leave. You hear me?!]

“Seki, you are just overreacting. I told you because I think you would be nearby. You are dating Shaun, right?”

[Yeah, but! Why would you go out without Drake??]

“Jena is with me”

[Jena, you mean that bit- no. Wait for me I will be right there!]

Luckily only I can hear her voice. If Jena heard this, it would be awkward for the two of them. But why is Seki so worried? It is not as if I would push myself in the lion’s den.

I mean… I will just… walk around it.

“Seki, gotta go. The taxi arrived”

[Wait, Kianna!-]

It was my father’s funeral. For sure, he will be there. When I said he… what I mean is… that guy.

My dear older step-brother…

Marco.