Chapter 4: Nostalgic Waves

“Here’s your order, ma’am.” The waiter said, breaking our awkward silence.

I smiled and nodded calmly. “Thank you, please run my card.” Ia-abot ko na sana ang aking card nang bigla akong pinigilan ni Stephen.

“Hey, don’t mind. It’s on me, minsan na lang ako maka-bawi, oh!” Napatawa ako sa sinabi niya, I remember the old times.

“I’m not the Tope I was! This is Stephen Midane 2.0,” he jokingly said. Oo nga naman, now that he mentioned it, I noticed the difference in him, sobrang laki ng pinag-bago niya. He’s wearing a black tuxedo and a navy blue tie, very formal. Malayong-malayo sa Stephen noon.

Dugyot, hindi mapakali at sobrang ingay.

“I’m glad we could talk to each other again like this. How’s Rowena?” His smile slowly faded as I mentioned Rowena’s name.

“We actually… broke up, a year after you left.” I was stunned, I wasn’t expecting that. Sa lahat ng mga kaibigan ko, silang dalawa para sa akin ang talagang nasandalan ko no’ng mga panahong ‘yon.

“But.. she’s doing good. No need to worry, Ana.” He assured me. Napansin kong kanina pa siya tingin nang tingin sa cellphone niya na para bang may hinihintay. “Are you meeting with someone?” He stopped. Napansin niya sigurong masyado siyang focused sa phone niya at nahihiyang tumawa.

“Actually, yes. He’s a potential business partner.. and an old friend.” He said meaningfully.

Sa pag sabi niya no’n, para bang may pinaparating siya. Kumunot ang noo ko, I don’t think I like where this is going.

Ramdam ko ang pag-bago ng awra sa restaurant, I grabbed the fork and started eating. “I think we should start eating at baka ma-bypass ko pa ang scheduled meeting niyo.”

And like a swing of fate, I saw Stephen looking behind me. Damn, mukhang hindi pa aabot. I drank my water and smiled. “Sorry, Steph. I have some errands to do, I’ll hop off.” Hindi natuloy ang dapat pag papa-alam ko nang narinig ko ang pamilyar na boses sa likod ko.

“Why so sudden, Helena?” I knew it. It’s him.

I could never go wrong when it comes to him, para bang kabisado ng utak ako ang pinaka-maliit hanggang sa pinaka-malaking detalye tungkol sa kaniya.

That familiar playful tone, his wicked games of letting people fall into his enigmatic charms. All that, which made me another victim of his seduction.

“Why don’t we catch up a little, Helena? Tutal, nandito na rin naman si Stephen. We could discuss business matters. I heard Escarzega Co. extended its connection internationally?” He said with his usual husky, playful voice.

Damn, ang daming nabago ng panahon—pero siya, hindi manlang pinakupas ng oras. Instead, it even made him more fierce, more enticing, threatening. “Or perhaps, you prefer a casual tea talk, hm?” He added.

Bitterness crept into me as I looked at him. I find it unfair, how the world seemed to end when I left, but when it comes to him, parang walan lang. It made me wonder, those years with me.. did he even consider it worthwhile?

Looking at him made me remind myself why I left. Kung bakit pinili kong iwanan lahat ng mahal ko, bakit kailangan kong i-sugal ang mga pangarap ko para sa sarili ko. Kung paano ko nilagpasan ang lahat mag-isa, kung paano ako nag-hirap.

Nangingilid ang luha ko. I can’t seem to stare at his eyes, afraid that I may fall into another trap again. Takot na baka sa oras na ‘to, tuluyan na akong hindi maka-bangon.

“T-there’s always a next time, Mr. Frentones. Excuse me.” I left the restaurant shaking, trying not to break down in the midst of the crowd.

I was raised independently by my Mom. She’s a known symbolism of class and purity in our family, she’s my role model. She taught me exactly how to value myself.

I’m sorry, Mama. I may have failed you.

As I arrived at the parking lot, I felt a hard grip on my wrist. “Talk to me, Helena.” He hardly said. Very commanding, as he always was. Inipon ko ang natitira kong lakas ng loob at inalis ang kamay ko sa hawak niya.

“This is harassment, Izo. I told you, there’s a next time. So, if you may, excuse me while I’m still being nice.” Mariin kong sabi.

His brows furrowed, a sign of disapproval. Why is he being like this? “We both know how unfair you are, Helena. Alam mo kung paano mo ‘ko iniwanan sa ere.” Hindi natuloy ang dapat na pag-alis ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Ako? Ako pa ang hindi naging patas?

“What?” I asked. His face relaxed.

“Anim na taon, Juana. I waited six long years!” Madiin niyang tugon, dama ko ang hinanakit sa bawat salitang binitawan niya.

“Six years to let you decide! To give yourself time to grieve. To finally figure out the truth yourself, to take a rest, to give you the space you needed. Anim na taon, para magkaroon ka ng lakas ng loob na harapin yung totoo.” I was confused.

“Yung totoo?” I answered sarcastically.

“Alin doon, Izo? Yung katotohanang ginamit mo ‘ko to suck out informations of our company? Yung katotohanang niloko mo ‘ko?!” I paused for a second.

“O baka naman, yung katotohanang hanggang ngayon, kating-kati ka pa rin na patunayan ‘yang sarili mo sa pamilya mo kaya gusto mo akong lokohin ulit!” Sa bawat salitang binitawan ko, hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luhang kanina pa gusto kumawala sa mata ko.

I know I went too far, but isn’t it the truth he’s looking for? Hindi ba ito yung katotohanang gusto niya marinig?

“Bullshit, Juana! Ganiyan kababa ang tingin mo sa pagmamahal ko sa’yo? O ganiyan kataas ang tingin mo sa pamilya mo? I could have destroyed your family and your already wrecked name in every fucking industry without fooling you. Alam mo ang kaya kong gawin, Juana. Huwag mong lokohin ‘yang sarili mo!” Masakit.

Masakit iyon dahil galing sa kaniya, at mas masakit dahil alam kong totoo.

“Sa ating dalawa, ikaw ang duwag. You became a pet of your father’s schemes! I wasn’t fucking aware!” Sunod-sunod na bitaw niya. Ramdam ko ang galit at sama ng loob ni Izo sa bawat sigaw niya, a concoction of betrayal and disappointment.

I slapped him.

“Hindi kailanman naging mababa ang tingin ko sa pagmamahal mo, Izo. It was you who didn’t give me enough reason to fight. It was you who made me quit fighting.” He was silenced.

“You’re the reason why I surrendered. Hindi ako duwag! Because if that’s the case, I wouldn’t have kept our baby when I left. I should have escaped my responsibilities!”

Hikbi ko ang naging pagitan ng mga litanya ko, bakas sa mukha niya ang pagkabigla.

“Takot na takot ako noon, Izo, pero hindi ako duwag. Hindi ako naging duwag. I embraced our mistakes as if it’s only mine.. Yet in the end, I failed. I didn’t become the Mother I dreamed to be.” But I know that I did my part.

“Kaya kung mayroon mang duwag sa atin.. I’m certain it’s not me.” Those were the words I said before I left, leaving him staring blankly, still processing the things that happened.