Heart Break

"How could you? My hands trembled, my eyes burned, I felt the lump on my throat, as I swallowed.

I held in the salty taste, maintaining my composure, when all I wanted to do right now, was break apart.

Fuck, I love her, the thought alone was breaking me, it was killing me, I was going to go mad, Imagining a life without her was terrible.

I felt like a drug addict, I could already feel the symptoms of staying away from the one person who meant everything to me 

" What do you mean? Tell me it's not true" I struggled with myself, not willing to accept the truth.

"There must be a way out" I continued

"There's none" her face did not reveal any emotions.

" I'm sorry that it had to end this way, but I can't continue, not with you"

Her words broke the last straw of whatever hope I was clinging unto.

" Fuck you Lyssa" 

"I'm really sorry, but you have to let me go" her eyes were dark.

"I want to be with Jedd"

I clenched my fist, my body vibrating and heating up.

I was mad at myself, mad at the world, mad at tess.

I felt useless.

Why did she stay with me knowing I had nothing, 

Why did I believe our love was true!?

It was tho, not until Jedd crashed into our lives.

Jedd was wealthy, and he could give her everything

I was livid with rage thinking about it all, I wanted to burst, wanted to get rid of this burning sensation.

Instead I stared at her, doing nothing but watch.

"I'm really sorry Rev" every time she apologized felt like a knife cutting through my heart.

"I really can't live without you" I looked down.

"Don't leave me" the anger, the pain, and yet I was pleading.

She was the colors in my life, she was my will to live.

She was leaving me to marry someone else.

I could not stand it, I couldn't do anything.

I could only fall to her feet, if only it'd make her change her mind.

I could not imagine her with someone.

She turned, her jaw set.

Then it dawned on me.

She had made her choice.

It was all a lie, Everytime she told me she loved me, Everytime she told me she wanted me.

Memories of us together hurt, I wanted to tear them off my head.

To get rid of her from my heart.

I did nothing but watch her go, my world crumbling.

It's been three weeks since she left, I stood scrolling at pictures of her and Jedd.

Their wedding photo shoot.

She looked good, radiant, than she'd ever been with me.

This was for good, at least she was happy.

Yet the torment I felt, the jealousy induced raged as I saw jedd's hands placed over her waist hit me hard.

She was mine, if only I was wealthy, if I was like Jedd a well known CEO , I would have kept her.

She would have been with me.

I promised myself right from the moment she left that I'd be famous.

I'd be a billonaire, I'll make both she and Jedd pay.

For every hurt, for everything they put me through.

Jedd reminded me of everything I wanted to be, that I couldn't be.

He reminded me too much of my own flaws.

Allyssa

I felt terrible, I could still remember holding back the tears as I stood before him asking for a divorce.

The way I'd pretended to be strong, the way I acted like he meant nothing,that our love was nothing.

This was not what I wanted, but what I had to do.

I kept the photos aside.

Photos of I and Jedd together.

I still could not take away the sight of his face, the way he begged, his eyes filled with pain.

"Mummy" 

I looked up to see Essy, her cheerful smile was infectious.

She dashed towards me, wrapping her arms around me.

"How was school? I asked.

" Not so fun, but good " she smiled as I stroked her hair.

" This " she took the photo shoot smiling sweetly.

" This is so pretty, my mom and Dad are very cute" she smiles 

" You're cute too" I pressed a kiss on her nose..

" I'm so lucky to have you"

" You're the sweetest little thing" I held her close.

" We're lucky to have each other" I replied as she kissed my cheek.

I was lucky to have her, to have all this.

Yet the ache remained, hidden and locked.

Rev Montago was my first love, and the thing with first love was that you didn't forget them easily.

They were a part of you, locked in hidden corners of your heart.

Jedd made his way to me, his eyes sparkling.

" Thank you Lyssa" 

I could see from his eyes how grateful he was.

" Thank you for being with me" he continued

"words can't really express how grateful..."

" It's okay Jedd" I stopped him 

" It really is"

" Uggh you both have to look at me" Essy half yelled.

Jedd smiled.

My eyes focused on Essy, her dance moves.

The way she flowed, she was free, her hands and body swaying in perfect rhythm.

She was smiling.

It was a happy moment, I was happy.

I wished her to be happy always.

That she would not get into a situation where she had to choose over her happiness like I did.

I didn't regret it tho, it was because of the choice I made that I found her.

It was because of it that Rev would live a good life.

I didn't mind if it did not include me, the only thing that mattered was that he could live well.

He could get everything he wanted.

He could get the right opportunity, he could pay off his debt.

It was the only condition I'd given.

I signed the contract, it could benefit us both.

I could be useful to Jedd, and he in turn could help Rev.