CHAPTER 4: “None of Your Business”

“Relax your legs,” he said gently. “I’ll be quick.”

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako dapat mag-relax. Paanong magpapakalma ang isang babaeng nasa ganitong sitwasyon? But I followed him anyway. He was gentle. Precise. Professional.

Pero kahit gaano pa siya kaingat, ramdam kong hindi lang ito basta procedure para sa akin. Para sa kanya.

Habang nakatitig ako sa kisame, pinipilit kong huwag mag-isip. Pero imposibleng hindi. Buong katawan ko ay parang nagdadalawang-isip. Buong pagkatao ko ay nakabitin sa isang maling hakbang. Then I heard his voice—low, controlled.

“Celeste,” he said.

Napatingin ako sa kanya.

“I won’t ask questions. Pero kung may kailangan kang sabihin… I’ll listen.”

Saglit akong natahimik. Nasa pagitan pa siya ng mga hita ko, gloved hands paused. The room was too cold. Or maybe it was just me, shaking inside.

“Wala akong kailangang sabihin,” I lied.

Tumango siya, pero hindi siya agad gumalaw. He looked at me—really looked at me—and for a second, it felt like everything else disappeared. Then he stood, removed his gloves, and took a breath.

“I can’t do this,” he said quietly.

“Anong sabi mo?” I sat up abruptly, the paper gown crinkling under me.

He met my eyes. “I said—I won’t do it. I won’t abort my child.”

Parang biglang nag-echo sa tenga ko ang sinabi niya.

I won’t abort my child.

“Are you serious?” Tumawa ako, pero walang saya. “You’re assuming it’s yours?”

“Hindi ako tanga, Celeste,” sagot niya. His tone was calm, but sharp. “I can count.”

“One night. It was just one night,” I snapped, as if saying it would make everything disappear.

“One night is enough.” Damian folded his arms across his chest, blocking the doorway with his body. “And I need to know.”

I climbed off the examination table, gathering the loose edges of the gown around me. “Know what, Damian?”

“If it’s mine.” He looked straight at me. “I want a paternity test.”

Tumigil ang mundo ko saglit. “Why? Para saan? Para masabi mong hindi mo kasalanan?”

“No. Para alam ko kung anong paninindigan ko.” His voice dipped, and there was something raw in it. “Because if it’s mine… I’m not walking away.”

Hinila ko ang coat na dala ko at mabilis na nagsimulang magbihis sa likod ng divider. “Hindi mo kailangan magpaka-hero”

“I’m not playing hero, Celeste. Gusto ko lang malaman ang totoo.” He paused, then added, “And you owe me that.”

“Owe you?” Napangisi ako. “Is this about responsibility or guilt? Or ego?”

“Call it whatever you want. Pero ayokong mamuhay na hindi ko alam kung may anak ako o wala.” His voice cracked just a little. “I won’t let this go.”

Gusto kong sabihan siya na wala siyang karapatan. Na wala siyang lugar sa desisyong ito. Pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi dahil naniniwala akong tama siya—pero dahil natatakot akong baka nga tama siya.

what if… he’s married?

What if may anak na siya?

What if hindi lang siya ang nawala sa gabing ‘yon, kundi pati ako?

Hindi ko siya kayang tanungin. I was too proud, too afraid of the answer. So I threw the question back at him.

“You have a girlfriend? A wife? Kids?” I didn’t look at him as I asked, pretending to look for my bag.

He was silent. Too long.

“Damian—”

“No,” he finally said. “Wala akong asawa. Wala akong anak. Wala akong relasyon.”

“Pero—”

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about this,” he interrupted.

Tahimik kami pareho. I stood by the clinic door, hand on the knob, and he stood across from me, his posture tense but unmoving.

“Celeste,” he said softly, “I know this isn’t how you imagined things. Hell, this isn’t how I imagined it either. But it happened. And I need you to stop pretending it didn’t mean anything.”

“You think this is about meaning?” Bumuntong-hininga ako. “Damian, I came here today ready to end it.”

“You mean end someone,” he said. “Our child.”

I flinched. He noticed. Pinikit niya ang mga mata, then exhaled slowly.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “That was unfair.”

Hindi ako umimik. The truth is—he had every right to be unfair. Kasi kahit ako, hindi ko na maintindihan kung bakit ako nandito. Why I kept delaying the decision. Why I couldn’t bring myself to walk into that clinic alone.

Maybe… deep down, I wanted someone to stop me.

And he did.

“It’s not just your choice anymore, Celeste,” Damian said, softer now. “I’m here. I want to be involved. Whether you like it or not.”

“What if I don’t want you involved?”

He gave a sad smile. “Then too bad. You’ll have to deal with me.”

Deal with me.

“So what now?” I asked. “You’ll force me to keep it?”

“No,” he said. “I just want you to think. Not out of fear. Not out of panic. Just… really think about what you want. And know that I’ll be here if you decide to keep it.”

Napatingin ako sa kanya, and I saw the man who once made me forget myself. The same man who now stood between me and the decision that kept me up every night.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mas mahirap: ang harapin ang buhay na mag-isa, o ang harapin ito kasama siya.

But maybe I didn’t have to decide today.

Maybe… today, I could just breathe.

“Give me time,” I said finally.

Damian nodded. “I can do that.”