Even though I know last week didn't mean a thing to Joshua, or me for that matter, I was still filled with flesheating nerves as Lucas and I walked up the stairs to Joshua's mansion.
'Please, Bella, kiss me.' He had begged, literally begged, for me to kiss him. Of course, the big idiot I am, I do as he asks.
The mere touch of his thumb caressing my lowerlip had made me go crazy. I had been suprised I didn't faint the moment he let go of me and said; 'Now, was that so hard? All I wanted was a kiss, Bella.'
Yea, right. He only wanted a kiss, I wanted way more.
"Who is the victim you're murdering inside that mind of yours, Bells?" Lucas playfully nudged my side whilst he wraps an arm around my waist. "Please don't tell me it's me, for bringing you here?" His fake gasp has all the thoughts of Joshua instantly leave my mind. Laughter bubbles up from deep within, Lucas always has it's way of brightening my mood.
"It's nothing, Lucy." I teasingly wink at him when I see the slight distaste as I call him by his least favorite nickname. I don't know why he hates it so much, Lucy is by far not the worst nickname someone can have. Someone can be even more misfortunate with their name, take for example; Dick. I think the name speaks for itself.
Ever since Lucas and I met in kindergarten we made up nicknames for each other. He called me Bells and unfortunately, for him, I couldn't come up with anything better than Lucy. It's not even about the name, it's really just the reaction I get when I call him that. He always pulls this funny face before begging me to stop calling him that, but mere seconds later the biggest grin is stretched over his lips. He enjoys it, whether he'll admit or not, I know he enjoys it.
"Bella! How delightful of you to join us!" Katherine comes rushing towards us, with her husband, Jason in tow, as soon as we step foot in Joshua's mansion.
Katherine is Lucas' mom, she is literally the sweetest woman on this whole planet. I've never seen her get mad or be disrespectful to anyone in my entire life. I've never even heard her cuss, and that's somethin'.
"Hello, Katherine. How have you been?" I smile whilst accepting her open arms. My previous nerves slightly dissapear as her familiar arms wrap around me. Jason winks at me from behind his wife and I smile at him, knowing that's his way of greeting me.
"Good, fantastic," She pulls back and takes my head in her hands, caressing my cheeks as she smiles at me, "it's been way too long, my dear. You should visit more often."
"Leave the child alone, Katherine." A far to familiar voice cuts in our conversation.
I can feel the blush creeping onto my cheeks as I see the man, who is the cause of a hundred sleepless nights, stroll in from behind Katherine and her husband.
"Joshua, don't be so rude. Welcome your guests."
"Of course, Kat." Joshua's eyes flicker to mine and I instantly notice the burning desire that's not hard to miss at all.
"Uncle Josh, happy birthday man, you're getting old." This is the first time Lucas spoke up since we walked in and I was glad he choice this moment. The heated stare between Joshua and I seems to be noticed by Kat as her eyes dart between us.
"Fuck off, Lucas." Joshua laughs and Lucas cuts in as they hug each other.
I step forward and stand on my toes as I softly kiss his cheek. Lingering longer than normal, but not too long to be suspicious. "Happy birthday, Joshua." I whisper in his ear, loud enough for all of us to hear it. To my utter astonishment Joshua lays his hand on my hip and leans down, returning my playful kiss.
"Thank you, Bella." He slowlt retreats, making sure the stubble of his beard slowly brushes against my cheek. I bite on my cheeks in frustration to keep my body from shuddering.
"Let's go eat!" Katherine somewhat squeels and rushes to the, supposedly, diningroom.
Let the night begin.
To my preposturous luck I was squeezed inbetween Lucas and Joshua during dinner. Of course Lucas held his promise and hasn't left my side ever since we arrived, but the whole point of that promise was that I wouldn't need to sit next to his uncle. Lucas obviously didn't know what went on between us, I don't even know what's going on, but simply Joshua's presence so close during, which had my belly errupting with rats clawing at my insides. Nerves, not the good kind.
As if it wasn't already bad enough, a woman sat down next to him and kissed him on the cheek, the same way I had done when I congratulated him.
My left fist has been clenched in my lap below the table ever since she sat down, still waiting for her to stand up and get the hell out of here.
My nails are still digging into my palm, surely leaving red marks all over it. I didn't care. Blood could be drawn and ruin my whole dress and I still wouldn't care. As long as it would distract me from their constant bickering, I will be fine.
"Bells?" Lucas' arm digs into my side, nearly making me squeel and drop my fork.
"Jeez, what?" I say annoyed.
I want to leave this cursed place. I felt like God was taunting me with that woman sitting next to the man I was screwing. I shouldn't have said yes to an open relationsh- what am I saying, it's not even a relationship. It's just emotionless, worldrocking sex. Which I did not want to end, but seeing that woman touching his arm, rubbing it and laughing like a cheshire cat, makes me want to kill her.
"Whoa, Bells, what crawdled up your arse and died?" He asks, obviously shocked by my tone.
"My patience." I reply, "can we leave, Lucas?" I try to hide my pained expression, but he looks right through me.
"Bells, we can't leave yet, dinner isn't even finished yet." He grabs my hand under the table and his eyebrows draw together as he notices my clenched fist. He slowly pries it open and links our hands together, making me slightly relax. "Besides, I heard there'll be a chocolat fountain." He winks at me and I instantly grin back at him.
Lucas has never understand why I'm so obsessed with chocolate, but whenever he has the oppurtunity, he jokes about it. I don't even know why I got so obsessed with it, but be honest, the moment it touches your tongue you're a goner.
"Go take a break in the bathroom, Bells." He says whilst kisses the inside of my palm.
To many it might seem that Lucas and I are more than friends, but we've always been like this. Showing one another effection and love was normal for us. It's always been like that and hopefully always will be.
I stand up and mutter a quiet 'excuse me' to the rest of the group before walking to the bathroom.
Standing in front of the mirror, looking at my pale face, made me even feel mkre pathetic than I already felt for being such a jealous bitch. Jealous over a man who isn't even mine to begin with. Probably never will be either.
I sigh and sit down on the edge of the bathtub.
"I'm fine Lucas." I shouted as a knock came through the closed door. "I'll be out in a second."
More knocks. "Lucas, I told you I'm fi-" I stumble over my words as not Lucas stands in front of me, but his handsome uncle.
"Josh." I say breathless."
"Bella, what's going on." He steps into the bathroom, laying a hand on my hip whilst closing the door. Locking it behind him.
"Nothing." I push his hand away and take a step back, "you should go back to your party, Joshua, I'm sure they're already missing their host." She is probably missing him too.
God damn it, Bella, don't be that kinda girl.
"Bella. C'mere." He orders, I obey.
I'm such a lapdog.
His arm wraps around me and he tilts my head up to look at him. His finger below my chin as his thumb strokes over my bottom lip.
"Tell me what's wrong." He once again orders as his face nears mine. His collogne surrounds me, the familiar scent of his perfume hitting my nostrills. I couldn't think straight whenever he was so close to me. I want to enlarge the distance between us, but find it to hard to push him away from me.
"Let go, please." I whisper.
"No, not before you tell me what's wrong." He whispers back, adding a brush of his lips on my cheeks. I suppress the need to lay my head in the crook of his shoulder.
"Bella, please." He adds as he purposely caresses my lips with his. I lose the little selfcontrol I had left and latch onto his lips. Immediately pressing my body as close to his as humanly possible.
His tongue runs over my bottom lip urging me to part my lips for his tongue to devore me. How could I say no tot that. I part my lips and moan out of pure contentment as he hoists me up, making me wrap my legs around his waist. He turns us around and presses me to the door.
"Ouch- doorhandle." I mutter breathlessly, curving my back. Away from the doorhandle but right into him. The growth of his buddy is hard to miss, I can feel it presence right at my pelvis.
He lowers me to the ground, not removing his arms from around me. He presses a soft kiss to my moist lips.
"Are you going to tell me or are you going to keep distracting me with your kisses." A gein spreads on his swollen lips. I did that. I thought proudly.
"You kissed me back." I state.
"How could I not." It's more of a statement than a question, which makes me suppress a fullblown smile.
I think back to a week ago, how I told him I was done with him.
'Leave me alone, Joshua. I've had enough of this.' I had said. I didn't had enough of this. How could I?
But we couldn't keep doing this. I know for a fact that one of us will get hurt in the end. And that is most likely me.
"We can't keep doing this, Joshua." I mutter as I focus on my his chest where my hand are. I wrap my arms around him and lay my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat loud and clear. I didn't want to look at him as I tell him why we couldn't keep this act up. I didn't want to be persuaded by the kindness abd desire in his eyes.
How I longed for that kindness to be love.
"I don't want to be one of the many woman you fuck. I want to be the woman you fuck. I can't keep doing this, when you're so obviously flirting with a different woman right beside me. I get jealous too, you know." I clutch onto the back of his shirt and suppress the tears treathening to leave their cage. "I can't be just your bed buddy or your fuck friend when I know there are different ladies sucking you dry."
"I don't need to be exclusive with you to the rest of the world, but if you want to continue this then I have to know that you're not fucking someone else, besides me."
We stand there, hugging each other for nearly a minute when he finally moves. His arms leave from around me and my heart immediately sinks. I knew it.
Why do you always have to ruin everything, Bella. With your stupid needs.
"I wouldn't have guessed you'd turn into a green monster when you're not the one getting my attention." He whispers.
His hands suddenly trail over my arms, up to my neck and onto my cheeks.
"Don't be a dick about it." I swat his arm slightly, failing to hide my grin.
"Ok." He says laughing.
"Just you." He whispers as he looks into my eyes, smiling softly, before pressing his delicious lips onto mine. Sealing his promise.