Chapter Eight

Still Blinded by Love

The morning after I spent the night with Vince, I woke up with a strange feeling in my chest.

Not sadness.

Not regret.

Something much more embarrassing.

I was happy.

I hated admitting that to myself.

After everything Vince had done, after the wedding, the lies and the months of wondering what had happened to the man I married, I had still gone to him when he asked.

And now, the morning after, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

I got ready for work, trying to convince myself that it had been nothing.

Just a night.

Just two people who were still legally married spending time together.

Nothing more.

But every time I remembered something he had said or the way he had looked at me, I smiled.

And then I would catch myself smiling and immediately become annoyed with myself.

"Get a grip, Amara."

I was still in love with him.

That was the truth.

No matter how many times I told myself I was moving on, my heart hadn't received the message.

When I arrived at work, my colleagues were already there.

I walked in quietly, put my bag down and started preparing for the day.

One of them looked at me.

"Morning."

"Morning."

She studied my face.

"Why are you smiling?"

"I'm not."

"You are."

I shook my head.

"I'm tired."

She laughed.

"You're tired and smiling?"

I tried to hide my face.

Then another colleague walked past us and casually said,

"Did Vince call you yesterday?"

My entire face immediately became warm.

I looked down.

"Yes."

The room went quiet for half a second.

Then everyone started laughing.

"Look at her!"

"I told you!"

"She's blushing!"

I covered my face with my hands.

"Stop it!"

They laughed even harder.

I couldn't help smiling.

That was the embarrassing part.

I didn't want to admit how easily his name could still affect me.

Even after everything.

Especially after everything.

One of the girls shook her head.

"Amara, you really love that man."

I didn't answer.

Because she was right.

I did.

I still loved him.

Maybe that was why I kept going whenever he asked me to see him.

It wasn't the money.

It wasn't because I had nowhere else to go.

It wasn't because I didn't have other people around me.

It was because every time Vince called, some small part of me believed that maybe this time would be different.

Maybe this time he would treat me the way he did when other people were around.

Because that was what confused me most about him.

Around people, Vince could make me feel like I was the most important person in the world.

He could smile at me.

Touch my hand.

Speak proudly about me.

Make everyone believe that I was the woman he adored.

And every time he did it, I believed him.

Why wouldn't I?

He was my husband.

But when we were alone, everything changed.

His phone would come out.

His game would start.

And I would slowly disappear into the background.

I had spent so much time wondering what was wrong with me.

Maybe I wasn't interesting enough.

Maybe I talked too much.

Maybe I expected too much affection.

Maybe marriage simply wasn't supposed to feel the way I imagined it would.

My colleagues had tried to tell me otherwise.

One of them looked at me seriously.

"Amara, you need to open your eyes."

I smiled.

"They're open."

"No. You're blinded by love."

The words made me laugh nervously.

"I know what I'm doing."

She sighed.

"That's what worries me."

I looked away.

Because deep down, I knew what she meant.

But knowing something and accepting it were two completely different things.

I didn't live with Vince.

That was true.

But I didn't know life without him either.

For two years, he had been part of my identity.

He was my husband.

My weekends revolved around him.

His plans affected mine.

When he wanted to see me, I went.

When he called, I answered.

When he needed me, I showed up.

I had built my life around the belief that one day we would finally live like a normal married couple.

So when people asked me why I kept going back, they didn't understand.

They saw a woman who should have walked away.

I felt like a woman who didn't know where she would go if she did.

Then my phone vibrated.

I looked down.

Vince.

My heart jumped.

I immediately smiled.

One of my colleagues saw the name on the screen.

"Oh, look at her!"

I quickly turned the phone over.

"Leave me alone!"

They laughed.

But I couldn't stop smiling.

That was my problem.

I still loved him.

And no matter how much everyone around me could see what I couldn't, I still believed there was a version of Vince somewhere inside him who loved me too.

I just had no idea how much longer I could keep believing that.