Chapter Ten

A Week Away

The weekend finally came, and for the first time in a long time, I was genuinely excited.

I was leaving the province for an entire week.

I wanted to forget about everything waiting for me back home—the job, my in-laws, Vince, the questions about our marriage, and the constant feeling that my life was becoming something I didn't recognize.

Just for one week, I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to be somewhere nobody knew me as Vince's wife.

Somewhere I could dress however I wanted, laugh as loudly as I wanted and wake up without immediately remembering everything that had happened.

James had been excited about my visit too.

We had been talking for weeks about what we would do while I was there. He had plans for us, places he wanted to take me and things he wanted to show me.

I was looking forward to it.

Maybe more than I should have been.

When I finally arrived, I expected to see James waiting for me.

He wasn't.

I stood there with my bags, looking around while people passed me.

I checked my phone.

Nothing.

I waited a little longer.

Still nothing.

By the time James finally arrived, I was tired, hungry and honestly very angry.

"I'm sorry," he said as he approached me.

I looked at him.

"You made me wait."

"I know."

"You knew what time I was arriving."

"I know. I'm sorry."

I wanted to stay angry, but my stomach was already demanding food.

"When did you last eat?" he asked.

"I don't remember."

He looked at me and laughed.

"Okay. Let's get you something to eat."

We went straight to a restaurant.

I was starving by then, so when the waiter came, I didn't hesitate.

"I'll have steak. Well done."

James ordered steak too.

"Medium rare."

We went back to talking while we waited.

When the food arrived, the waiter placed the plates in front of us.

Neither of us noticed that they had been mixed up.

I started eating.

Almost immediately, something felt wrong.

I looked down at my plate.

The steak wasn't cooked the way I had ordered it.

I looked at James's plate.

"Wait."

He looked up.

"I think they gave us the wrong plates."

He looked down.

"You might be right."

I laughed.

"I ordered well done."

He smiled.

"Then you're eating mine."

I tried to laugh, but suddenly the smell and taste of the meat made my stomach turn.

I put my fork down.

James noticed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"You look like you're going to be sick."

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

He watched me for a moment but didn't push.

I took a sip of water.

And that's when my mind started doing something I didn't want it to do.

Counting.

I thought about my last period.

Then I counted the weeks.

For a brief moment, the possibility entered my mind.

What if...

I immediately pushed it away.

No.

It couldn't be.

I had been told before that my chances of getting pregnant were extremely low. I had understood that having children might be very difficult for me.

So pregnancy wasn't something I normally worried about.

I blamed the nausea on travelling.

I blamed it on being hungry.

I blamed it on the food.

Anything was easier than believing I could actually be pregnant.

So I brushed it off.

Then James looked at me again.

"You sure you're okay?"

I nodded.

"I'm okay."

But I wasn't completely okay.

There was something else bothering me.

I had come all this way knowing that I needed to tell him the truth.

James and I had started talking about the future.

We had talked about living together.

We had even talked about getting married by December.

And he didn't know that I was already married.

I couldn't allow him to keep making plans around me without knowing the truth.

So I put my fork down.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"There's something I need to tell you."

His expression became serious.

"Okay."

"I'm married."

He went quiet.

I swallowed.

"I've been married for two years."

He didn't shout.

He didn't accuse me.

He simply looked at me, trying to understand.

After a moment, he asked quietly, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared."

"Of me?"

"No. Of everything."

I looked down.

"My marriage isn't what I thought it was going to be."

He listened.

"I've decided I'm leaving him."

James was silent for a moment.

"Does he know?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

"I'm sure."

I took a breath.

"I can't keep living like this."

He didn't tell me what to do.

He didn't judge me.

He simply listened.

"I know I should have told you sooner," I said.

"You should have."

I nodded.

"I know."

"But I'm not going to shout at you."

I looked at him.

"You're not angry?"

"I'm disappointed you didn't tell me. But I understand that you were scared."

Something about his calmness made me feel relieved.

I had expected everything to fall apart the moment I told him.

Instead, he simply reached across the table and touched my hand.

"You don't have to figure everything out today."

I looked at him.

For the first time since arriving, I felt like I could breathe.

The rest of the evening became easier.

We talked about my marriage.

We talked about the life I wanted after Vince.

And eventually, we talked about us.

We had already imagined living together.

We had talked about getting married by December.

But there was something I wasn't sure how to explain.

I enjoyed being with James.

I loved talking to him.

I loved the way he listened to me.

I loved having someone who wanted to spend time with me.

But I wasn't sexually attracted to him.

I didn't see him as someone I wanted to sleep with.

I had always found excuses whenever he wanted me to come to his house because, deep down, I didn't want our relationship to become sexual.

And yet, I could imagine having him in my life.

Maybe because I was lonely.

Maybe because I was tired of feeling unwanted.

Maybe because James made me feel safe.

I didn't have the answers.

But I knew one thing.

I had come to this province hoping to forget about my life for one week.

And instead, I had finally told someone the truth about it.

That night, when we eventually left the restaurant, I looked out of the window as we drove home.

For the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful.

I didn't know what was going to happen with Vince.

I didn't know what was going to happen with James.

And I certainly didn't know what was happening inside my own body.

All I knew was that I had finally started imagining a life beyond my marriage.

I thought that was going to be the biggest change waiting for me.

I had no idea that I was already carrying a secret that would change everything.