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Forty Seven
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When the bully falls in love Forty-eight
Sometimes, we are not proud of what we did, other times we are ashamed, of the scars we carry. Each scar resembles pain. Each scar has a story behind it. The fact that wounds healed and scars were left behind reminds us of everything. It reminds us of how short we have fallen. How short we have fallen on everything. How unworthy we have become. Deep down I felt bad, I felt hurt. Nobody liked me, I was sick in the head. Sick everywhere, socially sick, emotionally sick. I wasn’t even angry at anything; I was in pain. The pai n was too much and it felt like my heart had been plastered over. Like a hole had been drilled in my heart and it was bleeding. At this point, I didn’t even want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to stop feeling lost, stop feeling damaged, stop feeling screwed up. Stop feeling unworthy, stop feeling so down in the dumps. It felt like I was in another planet and I was an alien. A radioactive material that people kept trying to get rid of, but wouldn’t
When the bully falls in love Forty nine
Sometimes it felt like everyone else around me had their whole life figured out. They fitted in easily, moved with masses, they didn’t struggle like I did. They didn’t try so hard, they just fit. Pieces of their puzzle just found each other. They made friends easily, got good grades easily, their parents loved them without drama, their families weren’t dysfunctional either. They were just happy and okay. Happy even though they didn’t deserve it. Happy, so happy that I was jealous. They didn’t have to pretend to be okay, pretend to be human. Pretend that they were okay without friends or lie about being an introvert to cover the lack of friendships. Lie that they lived being a loner or anything like that. Faults are usually thick where love is thin. The faults in my life were thick, too thick for me to break out or see the way forward. It only meant that the love in my life was thin, it was hardly there. I didn’t even love myself and kept looking down on me every day. How could anyone
When the bully falls in love fifty
‘‘Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.’’ We were sitting on the rooftop with Cage, apparently, he had been watching me all along. Watching me come in and take slow guided steps towards the edge, curiously. ‘‘So how did you discover here?’’ he asked shrugging his shoulders. ‘‘I don’t know, I have always known this place exists at the back of my mind,’’ I answered trying to mask my emotions or the fact that I was going through midlife crisis with myself, midlife crisis that I couldn’t solve or deal with. ‘‘Come on, that is not enough, I’m an overthinker and you cannot give me answers that aren’t leading, I’ll just think and think until I get depressed or my head bursts,’’ he joked. ‘‘I love rooftops, I love the sky and the fresh air that only comes along up here on the rooftop, though I have never been here, I have always guessed it is the same as my favorite rooftop and balcony,’’ I smiled. That was half true, at least I tried. I genuinely
When the bully falls in love Fifty one
‘‘Don’t look at me,’’ I cried.‘‘Why?’’‘‘Because I might cry,’’ I breathed.Nobody had ever done something so romantic and big to me, absolutely no one had ever done that Its okay, that is what gets to happen to you every day when you are in love with a poet.‘‘Can we sit?’’ he requested.I looked at him and smiled as I weighed my options should I sit with him or not.‘‘We will just sit, nothing else,’’ je affirmed.‘‘But why would you want to sit with me, why?’’It was only fair that I asked him the question again. No one ever minded me or looked my way, let alone request to sit with me or even write me nice poems, why would he do that for me.‘‘Because I want to,’’ he answered.‘‘That’s not enough, nobody ever sits with me or wants to have a conversation with me, at all. That’s why I am asking why you want to,’’ I inquired again.I hatred being charity cases, I hated being the object of sympathy.‘‘Because I want to, and because that’s reason enough, to me you are a pure, honest
When the bully falls in love Fifty Two
‘‘Will you come to prom with me?’’ The question caught me off guard and for a moment I stood their perplexed, I didn’t know what to do or how to even do it in the first place. How did people answer just questions? Did they cry first or just say yes straight away without thinking. Was he seriously asking me to go to prom with him? Prom was a big event; it was grand for everyone. You didn’t just show up with anyone at prom, you didn’t just walk into prom night with any cloth that was on top off your wardrobe, it was different. ‘‘Are you seriously asking me to come to prom with you?’’ I asked again refusing to believe it. There were hundreds of girls out there, many people that would say yes to him. Cage wasn’t ugly, any girl would fall in love easily with him. His perfect charms that began with his ease of words and pure vibes, his soft and deep laughter that run deep and finally his intoxicating black eyes. He was a package, that I had to admit, he could easily get a girl like Sasha
When the bully falls in love Fifty Three
The world is in constant motion and those who passed by at one point are going to come back their someday, to complete the journey full circle. That’s what Cage believed in, he believed he was going to see his sister someday. It was called hope, faith. Or like Emily Dickson described it. Hope is the thing without feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all. The kind of hope he had was dangerous. It was the kind that destroyed you and ate you alive inside. I knew how it felt like, it was a hopeless, desperate way to go, one that would always end in misery. I had wanted to tell him that that’s how I used to feel like when my mama went away. Some strong kind hope that she would be back and pick from where she left. Pick the broken pieces and fix them back together. It was positive hope at first, the first few years when I saved money and bought her a dress, she liked and new shoes from a nearby store. Then went ahead to draw many picture
When the bully falls in love Fifty four
I dropped my school bag on the floor of my bedroom and threw jumped into bed. My normal routine was to reach home, rush upstairs, throw myself into bed to take a serious nap before showering and going back to bed. School was awful, school was boring, I hated it al. But lately apart of me had been wanting to go back, because of one reason, Barbra. She made me want to wake up again and show up at school. So, I could accidentally come across her and say something stupid or just anything. When you run around the world and fail to find a place to fit in, you try harder, to find someone, or somewhere that rhymes with your demons. Somewhere where you feel worthy. They help to give your life meaning, purpose and make it brighter. When you finally find that person, you hold on to them. You hold on to them because you want them to stay forever. You hold on to them because you know how long it takes to find such a rare soul in the universe, a rare souk that values and appreciates you. I was s
When the bully falls in love Fifty Five
I took the stairs one at a time, held and adjusted my dress on the shoulder to prevent it from showing too much skin, or should I say fat. I was wearing a black dress, one of the most decent things I owned and held on to.I wore the same dress on every occasion, every family outing, picnic, and everywhere we went that wasn't school. No amount of therapy could make me wear another dress. At this point, everyone had stopped convincing me that there were other dresses outside here that could make me look better, beautiful, and more visually appealing or attractive.All my clothes were meant to help me blend in and not stand out. Black was one of my favorite colors; anything black or dark was my ideal color and piece of clothing. I felt like they hid me from the world, protected me from publicity, covered me like armor, and made me blend in.Some time back, about two years ago, Sandra's mama had bought both of us a pair of shoes. Sandra and I. It was a good move to establish a good friends
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