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Lahat ng Kabanata ng Inevitably Captivated: Kabanata 71 - Kabanata 80

83 Kabanata

Seventy: Josh

My gratefulness is beyond what I can ever try to say. No words can be sufficient enough to prove how thankful I am. Here she is, right in front of me, happy and healthy. She is no longer in casts and there are no bruises on her body anymore. Her body is also getting used to the new medication. She is finally okay again. We are in LA. It took me four days to convince her parents to let her come with me. At first, they were quite reluctant because of what happened between Evan and her— they still don’t know anything about him laying his dirty hand on her. I assured them that Evan doesn’t live at my parents’ house anymore and nobody is in contact with him.

Seventy-one: Taleen

I put my hand inside the pocket of Josh’s pants to get my bracelet. A plastic thing touches my fingers and I frown. I carefully get it out and my hand flies to my mouth. No, this can’t be happening. This can’t be true. I look at the white toxins inside the packet and my eyes brim with tears. He has been lying to me. He told me he was clean. Why didn’t he tell me the truth? I asked him before we went out and he denied that he relapsed. I have been suspicious ever since I got out of the hospital. He has changed. He has lost weight, has become extremely tired and he hasn’t been himself at all.

Seventy-two: Taleen

I make my way to Josh’s room in the morning to get myself something to wear. All my belongings are there. I carefully open the door and walk inside. I’m trying to be as quiet as possible. I don’t want to wake him up. I feel like I’m going to rush into his embrace if I see the broken look he had on his face last night. He is asleep on the bed and I do my best to prevent myself from pushing his hair away from his forehead and kissing it. He doesn’t look peaceful in his sleep. His features are twitching, giving me the feeling that he’s in pain. There’s a slight crease between his eyebrows. I just want to hug him and tell him I’m not going anywhere. I drag my body to the dressing room and quickly get

Seventy-three: Josh

What have I done? How did I blackout like that? Couldn’t I see her tears? How she was barely holding up? The idea of losing her made me lose my mind and I ended up hurting the one I love the most. I don’t know what I would have done had it not been for Avery. She knocked some sense in me. She woke me up and only then was I able to see how scared Taleen was. The way she stood behind Avery broke me. She wanted somebody to protect her… from me. I have been sitting in front of Avery’s door for the past hour. I can hear Taleen crying, but I can’t really hear what they’re saying. Is she going to leave? I won’t blame her if she wants to. I messed up. What I have done is probably beyond repair. I just need a time machi

Seventy-four: Taleen

We reach the hall where the event is held. Avery is not with us. She said that she was tired and she would be in a terrible mood if she came. It’s one of the Dahlberg’s hotels, of course. It’s amazing. The walls are high and they’re painted in rich grey. There are hints of gold here and there, placed artistically to make the place more classy than it already is. I glance at my reflection in one of the mirrors as we pass and I realize how close I am to Josh. In fact, our arms are linked together. I look at him and I see how handsome he looks despite his relapse. I fight the urge in me to kiss his cheek because I don’t want to earn weird looks from anyone and I still want him to know that I

Seventy-five: Josh

Almost two months have passed. Taleen didn’t leave. She refused to give up on me even though she should have done that a long time ago. I wish I could say I got better, but I keep on relapsing. I keep fucking up no matter what she does and I don’t know why she hasn’t left until now. I’m stressing her out. I’m giving her a hard time. I’m holding her back from living her life and she’s still here. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be with me. She should leave my sorry ass. College started a week ago an

Seventy-six: Taleen

Not again. He promised. He told me he wouldn’t approach drugs this month. He lied. I’m fed up and tired. I’m drained. I have given him my all and I don’t think there’s something left in me to give. Because of him, I have gone against my morals, against every single thing I believe in. I lied to myself, doing my best to convince every cell in my body that he can get through this ordeal. There’s nobody to blame but me. This is my fault. I believed him when he said he didn’t need anybody else but me. I have to admit, I have always been sceptical, but I brushed off every doubt, feeding myself lies, so I would push myself to continue this journey.

Seventy-seven: Taleen

“Come on! You need to get out! This isn’t healthy for you.” Lisa tries to get me to leave the apartment, but I won’t budge. “My muscles hurt,” I lie, pulling my fuzzy grey blanket over me. It’s a lie I have been using a lot to escape from any outing. I’m curled on my dark blue couch, having my tv on and doing nothing. For the past week, I have enjoyed doing nothing except for going to work and college. I think I have memorized every single detail about this apartment. The more I stare at the walls, the more I realize they’re actually ivory white and not cream-coloured, if there’s even a difference.

Seventy-eight: Josh

Meaningless. That’s how my life is without her. I still can’t wrap my head around what happened between us. She left. She packed her stuff and walked out of that door. I expected that to happen and to be honest, she took so long to leave, but why does it feel like she made that decision so early? I haven’t had enough of her yet. I long for her. I long for the warmth she brings whenever I take her in my arms when we both go to sleep. I long for the way she puts her head on my shoulder when we watch tv. I long for our cooking dates. I long for her presence.

Seventy-nine: Taleen

Ten more days have passed and I like to believe that I am used to his absence in my life. My family now knows I’m not with Josh anymore. I think it was a shock to them, just as much as it’s a shock to me. I think a part of me thought that Josh and I would be back together soon despite the breakup because we simply cannot stay away from one another. Maybe we have finally learned how to do that; however, I don’t think I have mastered that lesson yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to do if I see him before my eyes. I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he and I are invited to the same event. There are a lot of things I’m not ready for and I’m not sure when I am going to be ready.

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