Why do sometimes I believe that Era wants me but then the second she realized that she's making me feel that way, she's pulling away like it's something she never wants to do. Because I know, the moment I kissed her she wanted it. So badly. For so long I've been wanting to do that with her but it's just hard to do it. She left being sorry as if the biggest mistake she ever done. It's only been a day since she've known Cooper mad now they're a thing? So fast. Too fast and he gets to kiss as if they're in love already. But in that moment, I know Era doesn't want me there so I went outside. Every moment seems like I'm painstakingly losing her. The girl who have my heart since we were young. We were so young and just the two of us. No Cooper. No one else but us. I wonder if she feels bleary with me. Like she's looking for a new adventure. I know Cooped could give her that adventure. What can I give her then? I'm nothing but a drinker. Cooper is more confident, more elegant, more of i-

On my home, it's already dark. I keep looking behind as if someone might stab or kidnap any time soon. But for the most part, I wish he was there outside the parking lot and wait for me until my shift ends. But he wasn't there. Simon wasn't there. Not seeing him after that morning is probably best for us. For me and Cooper. And us, Simon and I. I like walking on the way home. It's just easier for me to think and process things. These past few days. It's been me and Cooper. He stays. I thought by next week, he would get rid of me. Like I I thought he would eventually see me as boring. But he's still here. He's staying with me whether I work a lot or not. Sometimes I wonder if what he does when he's not with me. He never said anything about it. Maybe I could ask him tomorrow night. He wants to take me to this restaurant by the beach. He loves it there at night. Wind and golden bulbs on the shore, as how he described it would be.When I reach to the my front door, I glance over the h

The thing about love is we dont get to to force it when it's not for us. Because real love is letting go. And I think that's what I'm doing today. Letting go.I still see her every day. Maybe it's just always be me. It would be hard to not watch her walk under the sun when she's Era. She was my best friend. Always will be. I've known a little parts of her that never changed. And that's her smile. And how she's still the girl that I would cherish even she's in love with someone else. I have a feeling it's going to rain today. Oh shoot. I still need to pick up some gardening tools from Macy's store. I should pick it up later tonight when I'm finish planting the seed in the soil. I've been trying to preoccupied my mind with gardening or planting. I dont know what it exactly called. Perhaps, this is just because I'm so new to this. And so far it's keep my mind off of the things that messes my mind. It's therapy, I guess. A free one. Kim is gone. My mom is gone. Kim's still uncertain whe

I just taken my shower when my phone rings.“Kim?” I asks, sitting on the ned with my towel on.“Hey, I...can I ask a favor?” She sounds so worried. Like she's down and grieving.I nod but she can't see me. “Yes, yes.”“Can you please check Simon? He's not been answering my call. I dont know why. I mean he always pick it up. But today he's so out of reach.”“Yeah, on my way .”.“Thanks, Era.”“Of course,” I assure her. I get up andThe door creaks when I open their front door. Their house is full of silence like it's haunted and abandoned and I just know that he's upstairs. Just as I make my way I can see the mess in their kitchen. Plastic bottles. Beers. And empty bags of chips. Has Simon been drinking lately? But why?I step into his room with my heart pounding a little. Got no idea why I'm feeling like this, but maybe because it's the fact that we're here alone again. He's right there. He's lying on his side, he's back facing me.I stir him a little as I sit on the space next to

It's been raining for days. I cannot tell if the heavy feeling I've been feeling comes from it or if it's because of what has happened between me and Simon the other day. It didn't end up well. I think it was something we never saw coming and now we have to face the consequence our words brought out to each other. I know I acted wrong and so did he. So I don't really blame myself for the way it turned out. I blame him for calling me bitch at the end. Bit I know I've hurt him so badly bringing up Cooper and comparing him to him. I've been thinking of calling him but every time I pick my phone Anne calls in. She called me today, telling me that she has to go fly to California for some family matters. I felt the panic begin to make its way to me. This is too soon to happen. She asks if I would to go back for awhile and then come back here until she's back to New York. I know I have to go back. There's no way she's driving Sophie here. It's not the time yet for everyone to see Sophie