A Journey To Forever

My shattered dream

Many people in this world ask for love or wanted to be loved.

 But it is hard to find the right one who truly loves us and who truly values us.

 What will you do if his happiness is no longer include you?

Will you able to love again or bury yourself in sadness?

This story is written for every one of us who craves love or be loved by someone else. Let us find our way on this "A journey to forever." Let us find our true love and peace that we've been dreaming of for a long period of time.

Mia’s POV

Empty...

Lonely...

Tormented...

fragile...

My feet were unconsciously dragging me to walk as my eyes follow my feet to move, I can feel the breeze of the air are embracing my whole body that makes me freeze. I ignore all the people I pass by, and the noise they’ve made.

I feel my shoulder bumped into something but I continue to walk till a hand grabs my arms and pulled me back.

“Oh. I remember you, you are Mirriam Smith, right? I heard a woman asked but I didn't lay my eyes on her.

“Yes. She’s our campus beauty before!” the other woman confirmed, the woman who grabbed my arm raised my chin, and forcedly move it from my left cheek to right as she looks closer to my face.

“You may be the campus beauty before but the man you’ve been longing for is already married to someone else, and that someone is NOT YOU...” She mocked, I ignore her and pass by her. But she grabbed my arms again and stops me from leaving, “How dare you to leave?! I’m not yet done talking to you?!!!” she hissed, this time I blankly glared at her and remain quiet that made her really angry.

She raised her right arm and slap me hard on my face that makes my conscious bring back in reality. I slowly realized that I... I am a pitiful woman that was left behind in the dark, my heart is tormenting every time he will flash into my mind.

I started to wonder where am I…

--Flashback—

I was wearing a nude fitted slit gown standing at the side of the aisle, I took a deep breath while watching at Alex waiting for the door to open. He turns his head at me and gave me a warm smile, I couldn’t smile back at him. My tear was starting to shed on my eyelid, my heart is getting heavier.

A sudden brightness strikes my eyes, my head automatically turns to the door widely open, as a woman wearing a white silhouette long gown walks slowly through the aisle holding a bouquet of red roses.

Alex went down to the aisle and accompany her to walk with him, she held his arms and they both come to the aisle. Seeing them makes me wanted to be eaten by the ground.

The ceremony starts, I tried to stand firmly even my knees are trembling.

Alex, do you take Gretchen to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage?  Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, for as long as you both shall live?

Hearing him saying those two words makes my world disappear, all the things I've been dreaming of together with him become elusive.

 The priest blesses the ring and they exchange it; and places it on each other’s finger. Afterward, the priest told the groom that he can now kiss his bride.

The tear that is shedding on my eyelid runs out of my eyes and roll over my cheek, my heart feels like were cutting into pieces and languidly sinking at the bottom part of my body. I bowed my head and turn my back to them to hide my grief, the groom’s man offered me a handkerchief but I refused it.

I tried to calm myself until the end of the ceremony, I waited till everyone left.

I was the last one to walk out of the church, my legs are getting weaker and weaker to stand properly. As I step out of the church, my body collapsed on the ground, I felt my knee hit on a sharp stone and started to bleed, my tear hurriedly runs out of my eyes and falls on my cheek, I cried out loud ---in pain...

----

The two women left me while I was left hanging, the pain in my cheek is still there but my heart aches more than it, my tears are falling uncontrollably. I sat on the roadside gutter and watches the sky, there’s a lightning strike from afar, the sky is getting dark, and getting windy.

I close my eyes, breathe, and lift my both arms to welcome the freezing wind, the rain started to fall, everything that happened today sinks in my mind. I am damp with rain, till I felt the rain stops from falling through my body, I raised my head to check if the sky stops from crying but I saw an umbrella covering me from the rain. It was-- ALEX! He looks worried, he quickly removed his suit jacket and put it on my back.

“Why are you letting yourself get wet here?” he asked. I pulled the jacket from my back and give it back to him. “I don’t need this,” I said and run to the parking lot.

Once I reached the parking lot, I went home and locked myself in my room.

I was laying on my bed, listening to the music playing on the radio, looking at the ceiling with my blurry eyes, letting my tears fell through my face.

I can feel the cold wind coming from the air-conditioned that blew around the four corners of my room.

Reminiscing all the happy moments together with him breaks my heart.

I attended his wedding and became their maid of honor, I feel devastated til now.

I don’t know where did I get the courage that time to attend his big day but I did it, I made it. I witnessed their love and listened to their vows while my heart is slowly breaking.

I couldn't believe what I saw but... it happened.

Seeing him happy with someone he loves the most made me glad, and hurt at the same time, cause I’m not the one who can make him fulfill his dream.

I was just a best friend, buddy, and a sister to him.

Catching that ugly bouquet is unexpected, it really pissed me off. It's like they're teasing me with that. I’d manage to stand at that time and I can’t ignore the fact that my first love is already married; I was being neglected.

But, I wasn’t mad at him. I care for him, a lot.

He never knows everything I've done just to be recognized by him.

I’ve been loving Alex for 7 years – unconditionally.

Thinking that someday he will look back at me, but I was wrong. He treated me as his best friend.

He always told me “I really like you” which made my heart jumps but at the end of the word he always connected the word “as a friend.”  Yeah, it's true. As a friend only!

I know everything about Alex, his favorite food, game, body scent, book, clothing brand, and even the brand of his underwear. He was taller, handsome, has a pair of blue eyes, gentleman, intelligent and popular in school. 

I always hang out with him for the past years, we’re like twins that can’t be separated. We were in the same University, he was studying Medicine and I was in Education, I tried to be perfect for him so that he could notice me.

I joined the game, every sports festival like a board, ball, and pool games while he was good in academics. I became a jack of all trades and he was my number one fan, he’s always cheering me on and because of that, I never lose.

The word is I tried, being an athlete wasn’t easy for me. I practiced at the gym till midnight to make my performance excellent in every game I was in.

It became my habit...

I always had bruised on my body that aches too much, so I put concealer on it to hide all of it. Cause I don’t want him to worry about me. I admit I was not perfect, I just want him to see me as perfect - - for him...

Yeah. Loving him was torture but I never regretted it. At least he noticed me and I enjoy having his attention. He noticed me every time I did a great job.

All these years, I’ve seen him happy, sad, angry, in love, wasted, broken, crazy, and .. settled .. to his ultimate crush, Gretchen -- his wife.  

He met Gretchen at the hospital he’s working. She was the head nurse, he told me that she really love this girl, from the first time he met her.

At that time, I thought he was just kidding about Gretchen, I laugh at him and Ignored him. Till I saw it in my own eyes that only Gretchen can make him grateful in this lifetime.

Now, I am drowning in sadness. I know, I have to continue my life even without him but I don’t know where and when do I start.

Can anyone save me from this lonely life?

-mooncake_o07-