Should I Really Do It Or Not?

Looking at the bright ray of the morning sun that penetrated through my faded curtain and landed on my face. I just stayed in the same position on my thin mattress that I actually picked from the dumpsite, on my way back from work. 

Allowing the sweet sun to have it's way on my body. I was admiring the beauty of it. I didn't know when I started feeling jealous of the sweet sun. It was so beautiful, more beautiful than my life. My life had always been sad, with every misfortune that happened to me, "year in, year out" It wasn't always like that though.

While growing up, I experienced the true meaning of being loved, being an only child of the sweetest couple ever...but all that became a real life fantasy! It wasn't an easy journey for me. Not knowing what to do, while going through trials upon trials, everyday in the big city of Lagos, Nigeria. Hmm! It wasn't easy at all!

"Mnnn…! Oh God! It's morning again!"

I got up from my mattress, feeling dejected and let out a heavy sigh.

I stretched my body for a few minutes and looked at the ceiling for a few seconds, not knowing what to do that morning. I was fired from work a few days back because I refused to have s*x with a rich customer that came to order for food at the restaurant I was working. I was totally jobless with little or no spending money at all.

"Ahh Senti! Let's go out and get something in this stomach". I said to myself while walking out the door.

I had a taste of enjoyment before. Suffering like that, I couldn't help but miss every good thing I had before.

My parents and I, were living in Y state in the U.K, for many years. I was born there but we were originally from South Korea. Seoul to be precise, but my grandmother from my paternal side was an English woman. My parents had a functioning business that was yielding good fruits all year round, until all went down the drain, within a short period.

I came out that morning, ready to go and get puff puff and "Akamu", that is "Pap" in Nigerian language, with just 50 naira I could squeeze out for breakfast, trying to save up for later. I usually get "jara", that is "extra", everytime I bought Pap and puff puff from the seller.

I came out and I was greeted by my nice neighbors, they were nice to me, but were quite tired of me begging them all the time.

"Oyibo", good morning" Mummy Rashida greeted me, immediately she saw me.

She called me "Oyibo" because of my skin color. I have white skin and theirs is darker. I am very different from them because I'm not a Nigerian, but was lucky most of them liked me. Some of the people I encountered made fun of me and told me that my mother slept with a white man and I was abandoned there in Nigeria. And that, I was born to suffer. I didn't listen to them because I knew myself more than anyone.

"Good morning Mummy Rashida"

I lowered my head to the ground feeling shy as I blushed, while I responded to her sweet greeting.

"How are you today, oyibo?"

"Umm...well, I'll be fine"

I said to her with moist eyes. I always told mummy Rashida my problems. She was like a mother to me.

"Don't worry, hm? Everything will be fine" She said to me and I nodded my head in response and went to get my breakfast.

While I was walking down the road, a clean black Bentley car ran into me while trying to reverse and I fell down on the tarred road instantly. I was bruised on my knee. My skin is very tender.

Hmmm…! I made a deep sigh and said to myself...

"I'm really the architect of bad luck!"

I said to myself as I tried standing up, but I couldn't. Then I saw a man alighted from the car and rushed down to me.

"Oh, my God…! Are you alright?"