His Heart Ruler

“ Go away, “ Ryan agonised, pushing her away.

His  voice echoed in every corner of their bedroom, the same place where once their giggles and moans used to echo while they loved each other despite anything.  

“I won’t….. “ stumbling on her feets due to his force, Jenny still stood there, letting her tears flow down to her cheeks. 

“ I'll end up hurting you “ his eyes were red, yet glossy.  

“ even then i won’t leave you “ her calm voice brought a hope in him that he hated. He hates developing faith in her because he knows, at the end she will be left without any.

Not able to face her honest eyes he turned his back to her and said “ you deserve someone..” It was hard for him to even imagine her with someone else, but he knew he had to do this because he loved her enough to let her go.

 “ someone better than me “ he continued gulping the hard lump down to his throat. 

“ I already have you “ her voice almost broke watching him going through this pool of pain. She knows how hard it must be for him to lie in front of her. 

“ I’m not the right choice for you, I never was. If anything that I can give you, then it’s only tears, pain and scars Jenny.”  he spoke, caressing the scar on her forehead which was gifted by him,  Ryan looked into her tearful eyes, he hated himself a little more knowing that he would never be able to wipe her tears.

Her scar reminds him how heartless he could be, even with her. Taking off his hand from her forehead he slipped his hands in his pocket and  straightened his posture to look awfully confident with his words even though he knew that she wouldn’t believe his fake confidence. 

With hope shing in her eyes she said “ I’m willing to stay still “ came her whipping, as she placed her hand on his shoulder. And the next moment she knew, he hugged her tight. The hug was so strong that she felt as if her bones would crush, not that she was complaining. He placed his chin on her shoulder and let his tears slip down. 

She felt her shoulder getting wet, knowing that he’s shading tears on her shoulder she felt weaker now, her eyes welled up with tears recalling his precious smile that she witnessed a few hours ago and now she doubts if she can ever bring back his precious smile. 

The inner him was not ready to let go of her, hell he loves her. He loves her single. He knows, if she leaves then he will be nothing but a dead soul living inside an alive body. 

For a few seconds, he thought he should keep her within himself and the next moment he felt guilty for being selfish. How can he still let her be with him when he clearly saw what he did to her and now he’s afraid to let her even stand beside him. He wished that if things were different, he would have lived with her to the fullest. But only if things were different. 

He wished, if he was like the other normal people who don't have this heavy heart filled with guilt and regrets of the past , they won’t hang around his soul for the rest of his lives.  

“ don’t love me like this, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve your love “ he said partying away from the hug, looking into her teary eyes. 

Her body shivered watching him shattering into pieces, that’re hard to collect and join. 

“ You deserve every single drop of love, Ryan you’re precious….for me “ her whisper reached his ears as she held his face between her palms and brought his face close to her, to place a gentle kiss on his forehead reminding him how much she loves him. 

“ And what about you ? don’t you deserve love ? the kind of  love which i would never be able to return to you “ another pair of tears left from his eyes as he wailed on his wretched life. 

Ryan took her hands off from his face and held close to his chest “ I know, I'm cruel. Very pathetic and crushed person.  If I'm suffering then it’s my fate,and you…. “ Before he could complete, she spoke. “ You're not pathetic, you’re precious , You’re my husband. The man I love and  “ she tried to fill him with positivity and hope that he lost long back. 

“ Please leave Jenny….. I can’t move on from my past Jenny and that’s not your fault. Why are you willing to suffer then ? it’s me who’s a victim of sexul abuse not you…. I can't even let you touch me the way you want and you’re saying that I deserve love ? Ryan remarked on his phobia of being touched intimately. He’s genophobic and that sounded more like a curse to him because even after months of their marriage he couldn’t give her the basic happiness that any woman would want to experience from her partner- according to him. 

“ why would you endure the hell that i’m living for the past many years……just leave..please“ these words hardly left his mouth, as a part of him still wants her but the other part knows what will happen if she stays - he will kill her, slowly day by day like a slow poison. He will kill her too, like he killed his father’s best friend years ago.  

“ I won’t, “ she said stubbornly, he might have loved her enough to let her go, but she loves him enough to stay willingly even in the hardest phase of his life. 

Getting a hold of his hands Jenny tried to change his mind but he jerked her hands off causing her to cry. Jenny knows his childhood traumas triggered him in some way that now he’s not able to think sanely. And only she could calm his racing nerves but how could she calm him when he is not letting her to ? how can she stand with him when he’s not allowing her to ? How can she and him when all he does is push her away ? 

Why doesn't he understand ? I love him, damn I can't leave him like this. He needs me, yet he’s not ready to accept that. The way he is pushing me away is breaking my confidence of bringing him back to our life, the life which we were creating until he fell into the darkness that slowly consumed him! Jenny’s chain of thoughts broke by the sudden thunder sound.  

Within seconds the dark clouds formed covering the earth in shade of darkness, and the sound of pitter patter rain enchod visually representing their affliction. 

“ Please leave me, on my own. '' He put all his strength to utter those words harshly at her. The more she adamantly stood with him, the more he felt guilty for pushing her away. 

Jenny sniffed painfully and said “ I can't leave you Ryan, stop asking me to leave when I've every damn right to stay. I know it’s hard for you but I'm here right ? with you…..we will face your fear together….Ryan i …can’t leave you…. “ 

He didn’t let her speak as he lashed out “ what if that’s all I need ? a life without you, a day without you and a breath without you in it. Please leave, I don’t need you. '' his eyes scared her. 

His words pierced her heart making her feel the sharp pain going down from heart to stomach as she felt her stomach churning hearing what he said. 

She was left without words to protest, and he took that as an opportunity to put on his act. 

“ what will you get staying with a coward  like me ? I am a coward who couldn’t even stand for myself …I'm a failure Jenny…. I’m not worthy of your love… I beg you to go away from me, because everytime i see you, you make me remember my helplessness, my weakness and my failures as a….. as a human. You make me feel ashamed of myself Jenny… “ 

The end of his sentence left her frozen on her feet. 

She couldn’t think anything after what he had said. Suddenly her knees felt weak as if she had been starving for years. Her shivering hands slowly tried to touch him just to make sure of what he meant. 

But her hands stopped in mid air when he showed his palm asking her to stop. 

“ Leave….please “ the words firmly left his mouth, as he clenched his jaw staring right into her eyes, with hate ? 

Hate would be the last thing she wanted to see in his eyes for her. After experiencing so much of love, infatuation, respect , care and lust for her. This hateful gaze of him, burnt her alive. 

She opened her mouth to say something, but words didn’t come out, only tears did.  

Shutting her eyes for a moment she took deep breaths as if she was fighting against something, after a second she opened her eyes looking directly at him “ I still love you, the same way I did before. There is not an inch of sympathy in my love. I just Love you “ with that she turned around and marched towards the main door. She opened the door and stopped for a moment hoping that he might stop her but when she felt no movements from him, she just left, leaving the door open itself. 

And he slumped down on his feets, watching her leave. 

He let out a loud shrink of pain, and hit the floor with his bare hands not able to accept the fact that she actually left, of course he’s the one asked for it. 

She was the fairy, who came to save him from the daemon he was afraid of. His own fairy, who showed him colours of love and ruled his heart bringing the brightness in his dark world. But his fairy left him all alone in darkness, again. 

Is this an end or a new beginning ?  

   Synopsis :

Ryan Dixit seems to have what one could wish for, a caring mother, own company, a big mansion and a lavish lifestyle along with a caring friend. Despite of having all these he could still feel the void in his heart. 

Being a genophobe he feared to be in a relationship that could lead him to expose himself and let any woman witness his vulnerability until the day his eyes fell on the dancing and humming happy soul of Jenny in rain.  

Jennifer Oberoi, the adopted daughter of Vyom Oberoi. Jenny’s life seemed more peaceful and sorted than Ryan’s. Working as vice president in her dad’s company Jenny was strong, independent and full of life and love. She was still exploring her life with her two best buddies- Maya and Sam, one of them is still confused about their sexuality though.  

Jenny is a girl full of love and positivity, yet she didn’t think about a serious relationship after her first break up. 

But the moment, Rayn Dixit walks into her office. She is smitten. 

Unexpected circumstances led them into a hurried marriage, and the unexpected marriage brought Ryan’s truth out for the eyes of Jenny. After knowing everything about him, Jenny did something that Ryan never expected from her.  

Will being with Jenny dispel the horrors of his childhood that haunts Ryan every night ? Or will his childhood trapped in his bedroom, his inner demon of darkness and the self loathing that fills his soul drive Jenny away and destroy the fragile hope and love she offers him ? 

His Heart Ruler is a dark romance book with lot of twists and turns that would give you a rollercoster ride of life of Ryan and Jenny.