Why Does The Protagonist In 'If I Knew Then What I Know Now ... So What?' Make That Choice?

Ava: Nine years ago I did something terrible. it wasn't one of my best moments but I saw an opportunity to have the guy I've loved since I was a young girl and I took it. Fast forward to years later and I'm tired of living in a loveless marriage. I want to free both of us from a marriage that should never have taken place. They say if you love something.... It was time to let him go. I know he'll never love me and that I'll never be his choice. His heart will always belong to Her and despite my sins, I deserve to be loved.Rowan: Nine years ago, I was so in love I could barely see right. I ruined it when I made the worst mistake of my life and in the process I lost the love of my life. I knew I had to step up in my responsibility and so I did, with an unwanted wife. With the wrong woman. Now she has once again flipped my life by divorcing me. To make matters even more complicated, the love of my life is back in town. Now the only question is, who is the right woman? Is it the girl I fell head over heels in love with years ago? or is it my ex wife, the woman I never wanted but had to marry?

Seven years into her marriage, Maria was diagnosed with brain cancer. For her husband Richard and son Jonathan, she bet on a 50-50 percent chance of survival. Enter Eleanor, her husband's old flame and one true love. It was then that Maria realized the painful truth: her marriage to Richard was nothing but a scam. When Eleanor appeared, everything changed. Richard made her his secretary at work, while his best friend addressed her as Mrs. Shaw—a title that should belong to Maria. Even Jonathan came to believe that Eleanor would make a better mother. Maria gave up entirely. In a final act of despair, she severed all ties with Richard and Jonathan before vanishing into thin air. When Richard and Jonathan finally saw Maria's cancer diagnosis, they were filled with regret. They traced her overseas and groveled at her feet, begging for her forgiveness just so she would look their way—but she didn't spare them a glance. Who needs a heartless husband and an ungrateful son?

The night before the study abroad application deadline, the class group chat blew up. [Oh my God, Ryan, why did you switch your application to the UK? Weren’t you supposed to go to France with Emma Bennett?] Ryan Hawthorne replied like it was nothing. [Yeah, I changed it. She has my login anyway.] [Once she sees it, she’ll switch too. She always follows me around. She can’t function without me.] I stood there with my phone in my hand, my mind going completely blank. Scattered across the floor, half tucked between my open suitcases, was the gift I had prepared especially for Ryan. I left the group chat, threw the gift away, and never opened the application portal again. What he did not know was this. He could give up the future we were supposed to share for Sophie Quinn. And I could give him up too. I could choose my own future without ever looking back. All those late nights, all those years of work, had never been only for him.

After the SAT, I come across a post online. Someone posts, "If you could make a choice all over again, which major would you choose this time?" The comments are filled with people wishing they had chosen a different major. They all have their own regrets. One response stands out from the rest. "I would choose literature. That way, he and I wouldn't have missed out on the four years we should have spent together because of that unwanted baggage." I chuckle and am about to scroll past when I suddenly notice the profile picture and username. They are identical to those of my childhood sweetheart, Winter Andersen. I click into the profile. Everything matches her current account exactly, except that the age is ten years older. My heart sinks to my stomach. This has to be her ten years in the future. No wonder I am the only one celebrating when we are admitted to the same major. No wonder she zones out for so long after seeing my best friend, Simon Brown, receive his acceptance letter from the literature department. It turns out I am the unwanted baggage responsible for so many of her regrets and disappointments. Since that is the case, I quietly press "Accept" on the admission offer written entirely in a foreign language. I shall end this mistake ten years ahead of schedule.

When I'm having dinner at home, I find out that my childhood sweetheart, Drew Calloway, has given up on the opportunity to get promoted to the northern military camp for the sake of my cousin, Brynn Jeffries. "Brynn can only attend a local college because of her SAT results. It so happens that Mrs. Ward is in poor health as well. I've already filled in the details on your college form, Lena. We'll both stay here." My mom goes along with the flow. "That's right. I promised your uncle that I'd take good care of Brynn, so you must help me take care of her too. You should forget about Northgate University, seeing as it's useless to pursue an education there. When you marry Drew in the future, you'll be a military wife who stays in the military camp with him." Before I can say anything, Brynn's eyes well up with tears. She starts crying as though she's the one feeling aggrieved. "It's my fault for being useless. My parents are no longer around. Because of that, Lena can't attend her dream university. You should just leave me be. I'm fine staying here all by myself." As soon as Brynn starts crying, Drew and Mom fly into a state of panic and start comforting her. As for me, I rise to my feet and return to my room quietly. Thankfully, I'm able to change my desired institution back to Northgate University one second before the deadline. Honestly speaking, the reason I want to attend Northgate University isn't just so that I can be closer to Drew in terms of distance. I also wish to watch the heavy snowfall with him. If we walk together in the snow with snowflakes covering our heads, it symbolizes the possibility of us spending the rest of our lives together till we're old and gray. Well, it doesn't matter who's standing next to me when I watch the snowfall now. My only wish is that I must watch the snowfall no matter what.

My parents have always been biased against me, even as a child. They leave me in the countryside while raising my brother themselves. When I'm finally brought to live with them, they neglect me because they don't want my brother to be upset. When my brother says that I'm rude and falsely accuses me of getting people to assault him, my parents believe him without a shadow of doubt. And so, I'm sent to a residential treatment center. Under my parents' tacit permission and my brother's persuasion, the teachers at the center "educate" me inhumanely. In the end, I learn my lesson, as everyone wishes. I die while learning it, too.