Woody Tara
When our number is finally called at the courthouse, my fianceé takes the appointment slip I'd spent three hours waiting for and hands it to her male best friend.
"Zach and I will go in first. It's better for PR. You can take the next slot."
Zach Jones slips my wedding ring onto his finger and flashes a smile at me.
"Don't worry, man. I'm a PR professional. We're just signing some paperwork and taking a few courthouse photos. It's no big deal."
Then, they walk hand in hand toward the registration office, neither one of them caring enough to notice my reaction.
I close my eyes.
For seven years, to avoid public suspicion, Eva Sinclair has used Zach as her stand-in for PR events.
When photographers catch me entering her house, she responds by posting photos of herself and Zach lounging around in matching pajamas.
When news of our engagement leaks, she surprises Zach with 999 roses on Valentine's Day as a grand declaration of her love.
Even when it comes to our marriage, her first priority is still managing her image, and Zach takes my place, as usual.
He's the first to try on the tuxedo. The wedding ring is sized for him. And now, he's going into the courthouse before me.
I used to believe this was all to protect Eva's public image. But moments after collecting a new appointment slip, I open social media to see that Eva has already posted photos from inside the courthouse, along with the signed marriage certificate complete with the official seal at the bottom.
Zach leaves a comment below the post.
"There wasn't any need for PR this time, but she still made it public."
It turns out that Zach's role as the "PR stand-in boyfriend" has stopped being just an act for Eva. Somewhere along the way, the act has become real.
I don't cancel my appointment. Instead, I take a photo of the slip and send it to Eva's biggest rival.
"Didn't you want to steal the groom? They're calling my number in 30 minutes. If you make it here in time, I'll marry you instead."
If Eva cares so much about her image, then I'll find someone else to go public with.