Lane 99
After we get married, my husband places his assistant, Penelope Sanders, in complete control of our household finances.
Whether I need money for groceries or a new car, every expense has to go through her entire review and approval process before she releases the money.
Then, my mother-in-law, Margery Torres, is injured in a car crash and desperately needs 300,000 dollars for emergency surgery.
When I can't reach my husband, I have no choice but to ask Penelope for access to our funds.
However, she calmly paints her nails as she says, "You want the money? Fine, but you'll have to follow procedure. Submit a written request, and I'll review it."
I've heard plenty about Penelope. She barely does any work at the office and spends most of her time making everyone else's job harder.
However, Margery is waiting for the surgery that could save her life, so I immediately draft the request, while repeatedly emphasizing that it's a life-or-death emergency and that every minute matters.
Penelope rejects it without even glancing at the page.
"How do you expect me to approve 300,000 dollars based on this flimsy request? Who are you trying to fool? You're asking for 300,000 dollars, not 30 dollars. Denied."
My voice trembles with desperation.
"Ms. Sanders, the request clearly states that the money is for emergency surgery. Please make an exception!"
Even so, Penelope remains completely unbothered as she slowly brushes glitter over her nails.
"Rules are rules. Requests for major expenses must be at least two thousand words. Don't come back until you've written enough. If you want to save her life, write a request that actually meets the requirements."