Perfect Timing
My wife, Abby Wright, is a top-tier venture capitalist who measures everything and everyone in terms of return on investment (ROI).
If something promises a high return, she pours her heart into it. Anything under 20% gets tossed aside.
On our fifth anniversary, she assessed our relationship at a 10% ROI. That same night, she dropped millions of dollars to host an art exhibition for her childhood friend, Edward Dawson, citing an 80% return.
When Mom was rushed to the ER with a sudden heart attack, Abby calculated her survival ROI at 15%. She left me stranded all night just to fly overseas with Edward to chase the aurora—a trip she rated at a 90% return.
The breaking point comes when my PhD research team gets trapped while mountain climbing and I injure my leg.
With rescue teams too far away, we desperately need Abby to deploy her company's helicopter.
But she coldly refuses over the phone. "A single helicopter flight costs hundreds of thousands. What kind of return can a bunch of broke students like you actually give me?"
Weak from hunger, I plead, "We're completely out of food and water. We're going to starve."
She snaps impatiently, "Edward's cat is a rare, award-winning breed worth a fortune. If it freezes to death, can you afford to pay for it?"
As I suffer through dehydration and starvation, waiting for help that never comes, I scroll past a new post from Edward.
"Turns out kitty was just hiding under the couch, but she dropped a multi-million dollar deal anyway, calling this her best investment yet."
The photo shows Abby gently stroking the cat.
Turns out ROI assessments were always just an excuse. The truth is, she just doesn't love me.
As the sun dips below the horizon, I dial the one number I've avoided for a year.
"Professor Buckner, I'll join that classified national project you mentioned."