Comedy Bible Book Novels & Stories

She was desperate for help, and she silently prayed for a miracle. She felt weak. She went to the pews and sat a few rows from the front. As she did, she looked up and noticed an open Bible. It was a thick book, and the header read: The New Testament, The Book of Luke. She scanned the pages, looking for a sign, wondering if her prayer had been answered. She read: “I grant you power and authority over every demon, power and authority over every disease.” Her heart raced. Was it a message?

I cried again while grunting in anger and frustration. “Bible… won’t to be there for you, the man you worship… huh! He stole your life when you were seven” he spoke just to catch my attention as it sounded stupid since I never knew a guy named Bible existed back then. I rolled my eyes at him not bothering what he meant. I can’t be stupid and let him convince me that Bible is my enemy. I mean why would I believe such irrational things?

God. Joining in. Fair. Becoming someone. Reasonable honestly. For the next hour Lily turned herself into a professional comedian. God. Everything became material. Fair. Faces. Voices. Reasonable. Falling over dramatically. God. Pretending to trip. Fair. Making animal sounds. Reasonable honestly. Peanut rewarded most of it with laughter. God. Tiny wonderful laughter. Fair. The house had never sounded happier. Reasonable. Then later, after the excitement settled, Lily sat beside her sister quietly.

“Ah yes. The holy chaos of Bible nerds.” Jordan shook her head. “This is going to last an hour.” She was right. The argument got louder, more ridiculous. Someone stood to dramatize a verse. Another clapped back with a hymn lyric like it was proof. Soon half the hall was involved—singing, debating, laughing. It was messy, alive, almost… fun. Lily joined in, shouting, “Revelations was written as a metaphor, you heathens!” Jordan facepalmed. “And she’s gone.”

“Thank you for coming, Nora. Please take your leave.” Nora sighed. “Can I say something before I leave, sir?” I didn’t turn back to the brown-haired, short, plump but pretty woman. When I didn’t give her reply, she took it as a yes. “Sir, open the bible and go to James 3 verse 11, 19 and 20.” She dropped one on the bed, suspecting that I wouldn’t have. That was the last thing she did before leaving the room. I considered it. It was centuries since I even saw a bible. Was I even worthy enough to open a bible? Was I?

She raised me as she stood, an attempt to leave the conversation but she looked back. “They’re both going to hell?” I added and she sighed. “Honey, i’m afraid yes. You know-” She sat back, but this time opposite, picking up a book. The one i see in church. “You see this, this is the bible. You always see that in church with everyone and the priest and you even have yourself” She said. “This bible basically tells how we christians are meant to live. Basically tells us the good and the bad and how bad the bad really is. And that, on the tv is really bad. Really bad” She remarked and i suddenly remembered the quote of grandma.

“Bible is bible, and you promised to hear me out.” The Bible tradition started between the siblings after they watched a movie. It was their own way of promising to tell the truth. You couldn’t go against your words once you said Bible. It was their version of a pinky promise and a way of being honest. Standing by the glass windows, he shoved his hands into his pocket. “You broke your end of the deal. We had an agreement.” “Why would you give me two eggs when you know how careless I am?” she yelled.

Mr Jayson said and left the place. Aiden turned to look at the bed which looked very comfy, with a blanket. Aside from his phone that was taken away from him, he kept every other thing that was his. He saw a white book with the Holy Bible boldly written on it. He walked towards the bed and picked it up. He had never used a bible before and didn't know where to find Romans. He checked the first page and found the index. He used that to find the scripture and he read it. 'For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us'

After a painfully long silence, Ru cleared her throat and timidly asked, “So… angels drink beer?” “Hell, yeah,” Rider replied. “Show me in the New Testament where it says you can’t.” He was more diplomatic than defensive, but Ru was still surprised. “And where the hell in the Bible does it say you can’t say shit?” Rider continued. “I mean, it’s just stringing some letters together. The Bible wasn’t even written in English so how can we not say whatever the hell we want to?” “So long as you don’t take the Lord’s name in vain?”

I really believe in my analysis. I looked at the page of the Bible that had been opened, there came to the pages of Zephaniah's Gospel. "I think the violinists have weaknesses." Right now, the bible pages shift rapidly, opening and stopping at chapter three. "Not a strong and confident people, but a humble and weak people." It was Zeus's guess, but his handcuffs didn't come off. He looked at me suspiciously. "Zoey, don't do something..." Looks like he knows, if I know the answer to this game.