Finding Myself Novels & Stories

What did I want to say? Cole found me in the studio one night. Staring at the wall. "You're stuck," he said. "I'm stuck." "On the last piece?" "The last piece." "What is it?" "Myself. I don't know how to draw myself." Cole sat next to me. "Then let me help." "How?" "Describe yourself. Out loud. To me." I was quiet for a moment. "I'm broken," I said. "Keep going." "I'm healing." "Keep going."

Ever since I was little, Mom and Dad have insisted that I take my younger sister, Carolyn Layton, everywhere with me so she can see more of the world. At first, my boyfriend, Jared Gentry, and my best friend, Melissa Miller, are on my side. They know how much I hate being forced to bring Carolyn along, so they never give her the time of day. Then, during my senior year of college, we go to a high school reunion. When a server tries to hand Carolyn an iced drink, Jared stops him. "Not for her. She doesn't do iced drinks when she's on her period." Melissa smiles, moves over to sit beside Carolyn, and puts the party hat she made for Carolyn on her head. Jared is on one side of Carolyn, Mel

It was as if I discovered a new facet of myself through him, a version that I had never known before. I have a deep inspiration, trying to calm the tumult in my mind. "Flery? No, not yet," I whispered in a low voice, almost as if I had to convince myself. "If all this should stop one day, you might as well enjoy it. Just a little more ..." I knew it was selfish, but maybe, for once, I deserved to be selfish.

And I know, with terrifying certainty, that you can’t make yourself either. I threw the marker down. The confusion was still there, a knot in my chest, but the self-discovery had brought a new, fierce clarity. I am trapped, yes, but I am no longer numb. And the only thing I truly desire is the man who holds the keys to my ruin.

“I just...I can’t do this right now.” I throw some cash on the table and bolt before he can protest, heart pounding, the voice smug in my head. "Finally, you listened to me," my mind purrs. "Now, let’s go find the real one." I groan, wrapping my hands around myself in a bid to warm up, as I walk to the bus stop. “What the hell is happening to me?”

“Yes.” The honesty hits me harder than reassurance would have. “Then why stay?” I whisper. “Because you asked me not to disappear.” My chest tightens. I hug myself, nails digging into my arms to ground myself. “I feel like I’m losing parts of myself,” I admit. “Like my body is making decisions ahead of me.” Cass steps closer—still not touching. “Then anchor yourself,” he says. “Name things. Speak them.” I sniff. “What kind of things?”

I have worked so hard to stay strong and he ruined everything in a moment making me feel weak. I was starting to head in a direction to hate myself for not being the way everyone wanted me to but every time I did, I would recall Dylan's words. He always said that I wouldn't be myself if I lived my life the way everyone wanted me to and I can't live my life peacefully if I was deceiving myself by trying to do something or someone I wasn't. I came to a stop looking around to realize I have reached the middle of the woods, I wiped my tears that unknowingly escaped my eyes and took deep breaths to calm down. I sat down by a tree trunk as I looked around at the beautiful forest that surrounded me

He instantly hid behind the tree. "What's the matter with you? Why can't you just go and talk to him? You did that with Abel!" He scolded himself, holding his position behind the tree to keep himself hidden from his mate's eyes. "Maybe, because he was your friend. This is your mate." He answered himself, huffing. "Okay, Zadkiel. Enough of this. Pull yourself together." He said to himself before taking a deep breath. "You can do this." With that, he revealed himself from behind the tree and turned to look at his mate again but the place where Irvin was lying a few seconds ago was now empty. Well, except for the half-eaten apple it was.

After I removed my clothing it stayed scattered on the bed while I stood before the mirror wearing only my bra and trousers. The pressure became too much to handle and I whispered "Oh my goodness, I don't know what I've gotten myself into". I needed to find a person who could provide me with guidance regarding my present situation. "I need to call my family," I declared as I picked up my phone again. "I need to speak to... someone." Navigating through my phone's contact list made me feel like I was losing connection with who I really am. The feeling of desperation started to overwhelm me as I quietly admitted "I'm losing myself".

It was hard to believe that was the same man who had once promised to love me forever. As I struggled to my feet, my right ankle throbbed with real pain. However, Caleb's deepening frown told me he thought I was faking it. I let out a bitter laugh. I said, "You know why I'm here. Should I read your chat history with her out loud for everyone to hear? "And Sheena, are you so desperate for a man that you must go after my husband? You're even calling him Daddy—how disgusting can you get?"