Finding Myself Novels & Stories

It was a conversation with an imaginary person and one where I explained my entrapment and why it is so hard to break free from the norm. Behind closed doors and in the sanction of my own space, I was me. The old me, the me who was cheeky, funny, and self-assured, even if that meant talking to myself. It kept ‘me’ alive! When I was around him, however, I was withered, downtrodden, and merely a shadow of my true self. “You dirty whore…” I breathed… God, the number of times he’d said that… Upon remembering his words, I recalled the state of the house when I got in from work early this morning. Thankfully, Dan wasn’t in, allowing me to have a shower before putting his wrongs right.

No one finds me as a good person but horrible and awful. In that way, no one would come to me. I trusted my self. I trained myself to be shameless. For a year after 18, I really turned shameless. I kept my other self hidden. "No one can disturb you now." I kept him hidden. In the darkness where no one could ever possibly find. "In my soul." But this all changed since I found that machine. I am thankful to experience the power it gave. That time I really wanted to see the world again.

Instead, I turned to face the window, looking out over the dense forest, the evergreens full and oak trees thinning as the golden and rust-colored leaves fell from the branches as fall was coming to an end and winter was creeping in. “Goddess knows I love you all so, so much. You are my family, my life, my rock, and each and every one of you. But I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know who I’m meant to be. You have always told me there is a place for me here, but the truth is; there is not. My place is somewhere else. Is it at Golden Circle? I don’t know, but what I do know is I need to find myself. I can’t do that here.”

And later I find myself on the toes, my back is against the wall and my auntie stick in the ground slowly. “I've sat down here for about two hours just trying to understand myself.” Just trying to understand the feelings that are erupting and moving in me it feels like I'm some kind of joke. “Like some kind of plot twist.” There's something about me that I do not understand. Right now, sitting down here does not bring it to me. Nothing happened. Nothing change. I'm still completely feeling indifferent about myself. And now I stand up from the floor. And that is when I realized I actually had my hand during whatever I was doing.

For some reason, I became restless to the point that I could hardly keep myself from sitting still, let alone hold my position or even stay at one spot in one minute. The thought of being useless and doing nothing while other people were doing everything they could to get 1096, filled me with negative emotions and the knowing the fact that there was indeed nothing that I could really do in my end to help with the situation, was not helping at all; if anything it only made me feel worse. Meanwhile, as I am in the middle of self deprecation, I am also covering the distance of the entire lobby by walking back and forth. I guess that was the sight that greeted Sam when she found me and it was

Find Me: English translation Alright reserved. © 2020 Belle Cassy This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Introduction... Jack’s Perspective I was standing on the balcony, having some fresh air and I was thinking of something deeper than the sea, trying to understand my own creatures and perceptions. And then, I sighed when I remembered her… A woman that I couldn’t get off of my mind, she was always inside my brain no matter how hard I tried to move on.

I will make a big company and become the richest person on this earth. I woke up when I felt the sound of footsteps entering my room. I turned around and sighed when I found out that it was Tristan. I looked the man up and down. This man is very difficult to find and even very mysterious. I know that it's because he is one of the most important people and one that is not easy to get in the world I'm living in right now. "You come?"

He succeeded opening all the buttons. I realized it was the end now. I felt so disgusted even of myself because I could not even protect myself. I…

I punish myself daily because of this. I was worst. I stared back at the door. Dhruv couldn't love the bad me. Nobody could love that part of me. I myself couldn't love that part of me. At least, he despised me now.

Tomorrow, I would be choosing peace over conflict, safety over love, myself over Christian. And for the first time in months, that felt like the right choice. Even if it scared me. Even if it hurt. Even if it meant leaving everything I'd ever known behind. Because sometimes the only way to find yourself was to lose everything else first. And maybe that's what I needed to do. Maybe I needed to lose everything so I could find out who I really was. Maybe I needed to disappear so I could finally appear. Maybe I needed to run away so I could finally come home. To myself.