Funny Sarcastic Quotes Novels & Stories

"Mr Charlie, your son fought in school again" Charlie's assistant reported, Charlie was shocked, he didn't remember having another son in College again. "You fulfilled your promise, so, I will make you my wife no matter what, and I won't take a no for an answer," Charlie told Margret without mincing words. Margret didn't expect her return to Houston with two of her triplets will be very dramatic, a man she doesn't recognise claiming she promised to give him triplets, and another man who wanted to snatch her children from her. And her other son, who doesn't recognise her as his mother.

1000 years after the great war, the human world was peaceful and the demons and all supernatural beings were sealed in a separate realm called HELL. After the thousand years had lapsed, the seal had loosened a bit. The great demon wants to use the opportunity to conquer earth once again. The Princess of darkness escaped from hell and strong demons from all over the realm of hell were tasked to visit earth and bring her back to hell. the one who brings her back will marry the Princess. I was also tasked with another matter (spy on Earth and send daily reports back to hell) I met a beautiful human girl and I forgot my primary assignment. My heart was already conquered before the war. I'll do anything to keep my woman from harm's way and to stop the war before it happens.

“You have to choose between death or becoming my slave. Either I give you a death sentence now, or your life becomes enslaved. I have given you the liberty to choose.”  On the night of her 18th birthday, the time came for princess Alexa of the Blue Scorpion pack to meet her mate. This particular moment was everything she’d hoped for, but in the end, what happened was not what she'd expected. She found her mate, alpha Logan of the Red Lotus pack, the youngest, most charming and most desired alpha in all the realm, also happens to be her enemy. That night, Logan was bent on achieving his revenge against Danister, the Blue Scorpion alpha. He wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way, not even Alexa. That same night unlocked a new life for Alexa, not only was her pack taken into captivity but she, the high-held princess, was also taken into slavery at the hands of her mate. For the trauma her father caused him in the past, Logan plans to do so many things to Alexa. He wants to hurt her, to make her pay for all his suffering, he wants to make life as miserable as possible for her, till the point she begs for death. Now, there’s only one problem standing in the way of his plans; the mate bond they share won’t let him. Instead, it draws him closer to her; it makes him yearn for her in the most unimaginable ways. Find out where this love story between Alexa and Logan will lead in The Alpha's Hated Slave Mate. Book 1 of the werewolf mate series Book 2- The Beta's Unexpected Mate For updates on character reveals and quotes, including all my books, follow my Facebook page, Eyitee's library.

Camila Brinx, a 19 year old heiress, living in the city of Los Angeles. She was the daughter of a wealthy business owner. Starting a new contract for business, Camila's father arranged for her to get married to billionaire bachelor Elijah Camorra, a 21 year old business man who follows in his father's footsteps and did everything his father said. Elijah Camorra was a charming young man, who has never looked at love as he did before. Growing up in the same wealthy environment, unfortunately Camila and Elijah had never spoken to each other but now they had to act as if they were in love to seal the deal for their father's contract Camila and Elijah are thrown into a dangerous game, both playing each other with witty words and sarcastic phrases. Both realizing that they were never enemies, now the two used their charm on the other for fun, while not noticing how hard they were both falling for the other. Life decisions had to be made together, since they were now married, Elijah falling for the girl he had admired for years and Camila falling for the man she thought was just like every other wealthy business man.

A dangerous memory is worth keeping. Velgrave Academy is no ordinary school—it's a haven for the Bloodborn, gifted students with abilities most people could never imagine. But for Ophelia Wolfe, power isn’t just a gift; it’s a weapon—and her most guarded secret. Cold, composed, and unapologetically untouchable, Ophelia has no time for drama, distractions, or the infuriatingly charming Carl Maddox. He's reckless, sarcastic, and knows exactly how to push her buttons. He also remembers the one thing she’d hoped was buried: a secret moment shared one summer night. One they both swore to forget. Now, fate keeps throwing them together—class projects, whispered rumors, a growing mystery unraveling inside the academy. As tension turns into undeniable attraction, and playful rivalry turns into something far deeper, Ophelia and Carl are forced to confront what they’ve been running from: each other. But in a school where memories can be stolen and secrets are never safe, love could be the most dangerous risk of all. Because some secrets don’t just stay hidden… They haunt. They burn. And the most dangerous ones? They change everything.

Two months into my cold war with Sean, the lover he’d been keeping finally danced her way right up to me, the real deal. Everyone expected me to react the same way I always had before, kicking up a huge scene to stake my claim. Instead, I looked at the intimate photos of Sean and her in the group chat, smiled, and sent them my blessing. [Looking good. Wishing you two a long and happy life.] The chat went dead silent. Sean must’ve sobered up from his little paradise because in the middle of the night, he drove home and pounded on my door. He was furious. “Do you think this is funny?” However, I only met his gaze calmly. “Honestly, after all these years, none of it is.”

Readers said. 'Very funny, I needed cold showers! I dropped my tablet in the bath! Totally original. Outrageous. The goddesses thread is totally original.' Goddesses - is this what 50 Shades should have been about? Connie Grimshaw, is now a successful businesswoman in an international consultancy. She reached these dizzy heights by believing her mother - work hard and reject emotional needs. On a business trip, the dam bursts and her libido refuses to be silenced. Her PA (Dee) helps her reconcile her lascivious feelings by using a series of parables from ancient goddesses. This works until the goddesses land her in hilarious, embarrassing and sometimes, dangerous situations as she develops the vamp in herself. But there are forces at work, which try to mismanage her feelings. Can she defeat the bad boys? Firstly, she has to deal with Greg, the evil misogynist.

Carolina Alves I came to America to write love stories, but my inspiration’s been running on empty. Then I followed an orange kitten onto the subway, through a strange neighborhood, and straight into the arms of a firefighter. Ace Rosario is steady, strong, and just a little sarcastic—and suddenly, I can’t stop writing again. The only question is… am I falling for my muse, or for the man himself? Ace Rosario Oldest sibling, last to get my act together. My family’s always seen me as the drifter, never the responsible one. But I’m determined to prove myself as a firefighter—and the last thing I expected was for Carolina Alves to tumble into my life with her wild hair, her Portuguese rambling, and my mischievous kitten, Goose, in tow. She makes me think love might be the one risk worth taking. The Purrfect Love Story is the heartfelt, playful conclusion to the Ravenwood Series. While it can be read as a standalone, Ace recommends checking out his siblings’ stories first—Man’s Best Wingman, A Bark in the Park, and The Purrfect Wingman—before diving into his own.

In the ruthless underworld where empires are built on blood and betrayal, Cove Voss is king. Cold. Calculating. Untouchable. When his enemy’s younger brother is delivered to him bound, blindfolded, and broken Cove expects to use Elliot Reyes as leverage. What he doesn’t expect is the fierce, beautiful hacker who trembles at the mere idea of darkness… yet ignites something far more dangerous in him the moment the blindfold comes off. Trapped in Cove’s luxurious penthouse prison, Eli fights the possessive crime lord with every sarcastic word and defiant glare. But in the suffocating dark, where fear turns into forbidden heat and every touch is both punishment and promise, resistance begins to crack. Cove doesn’t just want revenge. He wants everything. Eli’s body. His surrender. His soul. As deadly secrets surface and Eli’s own brother plots his death, the lines between captor and captive, hatred and obsession, blur into something far more lethal. In a world where trust gets you killed, Cove Voss has claimed what’s his and he will burn the city to the ground before he lets Eli go.

My girlfriend and I had agreed that she would come home with me for Thanksgiving to meet my parents. However, the night before the trip, she canceled on me again. My older cousin, who had never liked me, immediately started throwing sarcastic comments my way. “Five years together and she still hasn’t met your family? Maybe she never took you seriously in the first place. And honestly, a man shouldn’t think too highly of himself. You might end up raising someone else’s kid without even knowing it,” he said. I ignored him and stepped outside to get some air, but then I found that the car parked in front of the neighbor’s house looked strangely familiar. My heart skipped a beat. Could this be a surprise from my girlfriend? I was just about to call her when my cousin clicked his tongue and pointed at the car. “Still, you’ve gotta admit Liam Crossby really knows how to live. He brought home a gorgeous and successful girlfriend. You? You’ve spent your whole life losing to him.” My eyes locked onto the license plate, and my fingers froze. Then, I dialed a hidden number I hadn’t used in years. “Bring the guys. Trash the car.”