After Rebirth, I Let the Intern Dig Her Own Grave
During our company's Black Friday sale, an intern took it upon herself to change "Spend $300, save $50" to "Spend $300, save $350."
In my previous life, I was the Director of E-commerce Operations. I shut down the servers immediately and stopped the company from bleeding nearly ten million dollars.
At the year-end party, the intern stood in front of everyone with tears in her eyes, playing the victim.
"Erin, all I wanted to do was drive user acquisition through a loss-leader growth hack!"
"Customers would have come back to repurchase after getting the discount. Who gave you the right to cut off the company's revenue by killing the servers?"
She posted a viral thread on Instagram: Gen Z Takes on the Workplace: How My Outdated Boss Sabotaged My Brilliant Idea.
Strangers doxxed me and came after me in waves. I left the company due to depression. Eventually, her mob of rabid followers drove me off the edge of a roof.
Now I've been given a second chance.
When the intern points to the promo page that's about to go live and asks me:
"Erin, does my Black Friday campaign look good to you?"
"It doesn't just look good. This is the textbook definition of a viral growth hack!"
I turn around, grab the documents, and announce over the company-wide PA system.
"Cassie has personally guaranteed this campaign with her own and her boyfriend's credit history, signing a full liability agreement to cover any losses. Let's give her a hand, everyone!"