I used to be really skeptical about this trope because it often felt like it was handled poorly, just used for shock value in adult content rather than genuine exploration. Then I picked up 'The Left Hand of Darkness'—which isn't erotica, obviously—and it completely flipped my perspective on how non-binary or dual-sex beings can serve as a mirror for societal constructs. In spicy fiction, when it's done with care, it becomes this intense vehicle for exploring identity through physicality in a way other genres can't really touch. The character isn't just 'accepting' themselves in a vacuum; their journey is constantly pressured by external desire, taboo, misunderstanding, and sometimes violent fetishization.
What I find compelling is when the internal conflict isn't just 'do I accept my body?' but 'how do I navigate intimacy when my very existence is someone else's fantasy or revulsion?' There's a webnovel I stumbled upon where the hermaphrodite protagonist's love interest is terrified of their own attraction, which creates this painful, slow-burn dynamic where acceptance has to be mutual and fought for. It moves the question from identity as a solo project to identity as something negotiated within relationships, which feels painfully real.
Honestly, the execution varies wildly. Some stories use it as a cheap device for unconventional pairings without depth, while others weave it into themes of alienation so raw you feel it in your gut. The best ones make the physical difference a source of both profound connection and profound isolation, which is, frankly, a more honest take on the human condition than a lot of mainstream romance offers.