Imagine Dying Couldn't Be Me Novels & Stories

pure panic. “I don’t want to die…” I whisper, the words slipping out before I can stop them. There's silence and Fred softens instantly. “Hey…” he says quietly, sitting back down beside me. “You’re not going to die.” But my head shakes weakly. “I almost did,” I whisper. And that’s the truth that won’t let go. It wraps around my chest like a vice, squeezing tighter and tighter. “I was right there…” I murmur, staring blankly ahead. “Right there… and I didn’t even see it coming…”

Frozen in place, I bore the weight of their stares—some filled with pity, others with pure mockery. These people weren't wrong. For years, I had wasted an insane amount of public resources. I had slit my wrists, ingested toxins, attempted to drown myself in the river, and once, I had set the curtains at home on fire in an attempt to immolate myself. Each incident had been dramatic, and each time, it had ended with Morgan temporarily coming back to me. The ambulance driver gave me a sympathetic look and sighed. "Young lady, are you getting in? Or are we not needed today?"

This cannot be my life… This… I feel so sleepy now… Perhaps I should just die in this so-called sleep… I wish I have been overdosed by Leah and I die… There is nothing to leave for…

The second person on my mind was Rena but I couldn't even see clearly to bring out the number and I think I randomly dialed a number. A male voice came through but I didn't have the energy to speak. The phone eventually fell off my hands and I could still hear the voice but I remained silent. Was this how dying felt like? And even if I was dying would I die alone? With no loved one around me telling me how they'll miss me. I couldn't die, I had a child inside me.

I sat on the ground, back against the wall, and put my head in my hands. The thing about using humor as a shield is that eventually, the shield breaks. And when it does, all the things you've been avoiding come rushing in at once. Fear, shame and regret. All the reasons I'd died in the first place. I'd been good at pretending. So good that I'd almost convinced myself that I was okay. That dying had given me a fresh start. That I could be someone different here. But you can't run from yourself. Not even in death.

Am I dead? I stumbled and fell on my two hands resulting in injuring them. I was flabbergasted by the awkwardness of the situation. I didn’t feel like a dying person or a dead one. I was injured by a simple fall; that means that I am still alive. Right now, I cannot leave without my body. I pivoted on a whim and spotted a ghost floating in front of me. « Do I seem like I am presenting a show? If you don’t look around I’ll get your eyes out and cook them then I’ll feed the infected with them, » I said.

That I have to figure this out myself or die trying. Right now, dying seems easier than trying.

My legs nearly fail to keep me upright. I'm going to die tonight. I swear I won't make it till tomorrow. I will die!

I'm... losing consciousness... and what's... that voice? ... melancholy.. tomorrow? It's dark... I can't move... What happened? ...Did I die? No! Please... I haven't... granted their wishes yet! And Ria... I have to... go back. Don't die, Miles! You bastard! You're the scum of... society! Don't die... asshole! I don't want to... die... I don't... want to die. I don't want to die!

I could hear my heart racing after saying the words I'd kept to myself since learning that I was about to die. I thought I could be unaffected by my imminent death, yet I suddenly wanted to see more of the world. Gary didn't say anything. It was so quiet that I could hear my own breathing. Just as I thought he wasn't going to say anything, he finally spoke. His words made my heart descend into an abyss, though.