In My Next Life, I Beg for Your Love
From as far back as I can remember, I knew my mom hated me.
She gives me sleeping pills when I'm three. When I'm five, she tries pesticide instead.
But I'm hard to get rid of. By the time I'm seven, I've already learned how to fight back.
If she refuses to give me food, I flip the table so no one can eat either.
If she beats me up until I'm on the ground, writhing in pain, I go after her beloved son the same way, leaving him bruised and bawling.
That's how we stay locked in battle until I turn 12.
Everything changes when my youngest sister is born.
I'm clumsily trying to help with her wet diaper when Mom suddenly shoves me against the wall. The look in her eyes holds both disgust and fear.
"What were you trying to do to my daughter? I knew it. You take after that monster of a father. Why didn't you just die with him?"
I hold my aching head.
For the first time, I don't fight back. I believe she's right. My existence is a mistake. I should never have been alive.