Honestly, a lot of that stuff gets dramatized. The core ideas—omertà, respect, family—are real, but from what I've read in non-fiction and some of the more grounded fiction, it's less about secret handshakes and more about brutal, quiet economics. The don's authority comes from being the ultimate arbiter of disputes and the primary source of income for his 'family.' He's like a CEO who can also order a hit. If he can't provide protection or profit, his underbosses will start whispering.
I think pop culture loves the kiss-on-the-cheek and the black suit, but the real power is in the mundane: who gets which construction contract, which politician gets a 'donation,' which street crew gets to sell in a new neighborhood. The rituals just formalize the fear. Reading 'Gomorrah' by Roberto Saviano really strips away the romantic Hollywood layer and shows it as a grimy, corporate violence syndicate.
That said, the ritualistic aspect does matter for internal cohesion. Making new members swear oaths on burning saints' cards or pricking their fingers binds them psychologically. It's a way of saying you're leaving the regular world behind. But the don's code? It's flexible when it needs to be. Loyalty is demanded, not always given.