Novel & Cerita Left Them, Loved Myself

They were questioning about my upbringing. I belonged to the broken family didn't mean that I choose that for me. Even though after my dad left us, I kept believing in love. I thought if one man can do that, it doesn't mean every man will do the same. My belief on love was intact. But today everything is changed. I hate myself from loving someone this much. I hate myself for giving myself to a person who didn't value me. I hate myself for lieing to my friends and last I hate myself for letting me mom go through with everything alone.

Hindi ko na ulit ipaparamdam sa kan’ya ‘yon, yung pinaramdam ko sa kan’ya noong huli. “I may love you so much until now, Connor, but I won’t ever break a relationship just because of my selfishness. I left you before because I loved you more than I loved myself. I won’t ask you to come back to me because I know now that I am starting to love myself more.”

It wasn’t something you could love someone through. He left without another word, and I stayed where I was, sitting in the ruins of my own making.

“Leave please, I don’t like how I cannot control myself when I am with you “ I wanted to say something, anything. . . “ I. . . “ I paused and continued again “ I. . . “ “No please leave I have a lot of things to do, I cannot be wasting my time here with you “ I said no more, I just left, holding on to the feeling that have managed to develop in my heart. . . Love.

loved me. My hand clutched my racing heart as I forced my eyes shut. “I have to forget this. I can’t be loved. I could not love. I have to fix this. I have to.” I opened my eyes and lifted them to the moon’s pale glow. “I have to stop myself…before it’s too late.”

‎ ‎And now that it was here, I realized something. ‎Leaving didn't mean I hadn't loved him. ‎ ‎It meant I finally loved myself enough to stop begging for what he no longer wanted to give. ‎ ‎"Goodbye, Daniel." ‎ ‎His face fell. ‎ ‎"Lena." ‎ ‎I held his gaze. ‎ ‎"Take care of yourself." ‎ ‎Then I walked inside. ‎ ‎The door closed behind me. ‎ ‎For one second, I kept my hand on the handle. ‎ ‎I could almost imagine opening it again.

I want to be selfish for once in my life, and I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. I love you. I love Annie. I love Jeffrey, even though I barely got to hold him. I love Kael and Dante and Peggy. I love this family with every broken piece of me. But I can't breathe here. Every time I look at you and Annie together, I feel like I'm watching something beautiful from the wrong side of a window, and I'm tired of pressing my face against the glass. So I'm leaving. Not because I'm angry. Not because anyone did anything wrong. Because I need to. Because if I don't, I'm going to wake up one day and realize I never lived a single day for myself.

All of it. The laughter. The healing. The fire. The garden. The promise. Once, love had left me wrecked. Now, it held me steady. Once, I fought to be seen. Now, I was seen—fully. Loved—wholly. Not perfectly. But completely. And in the end, that’s all I ever wanted. To write my own story. To end it on my terms. With a love not forced. Not rushed. But chosen. Freely. Fully. Forever.

“I was a fool, thinking if I just waited long enough, he would come around. But he didn’t. Instead, he set me free with what he did. Whoever sent that letter, whether it was true or not, it gave me a reason to move on. To love myself again. To stand tall without begging for someone’s affection.” The conviction in my voice surprised even me. I had lived this truth for years, but saying it aloud to the woman who had once orchestrated my fate made it feel final. “No one,” I whispered, “can love me more than I love myself. And that is enough.” Margo’s tears fell freely now. She tried to reach for me again, but I shook my head, gentler this time.

"Tell me why you're doing this to yourself." I was quiet for a long time. I thought about the past three years. I thought about the nights I spent in bars, drinking until I couldn't remember her name. I thought about the days I spent working, signing contracts, making deals and building my pack from nothing. I did it all to forget her. I did it all to prove I didn't need her. But it didn't work. Nothing worked. "She left me," I said finally. My voice was low. "She told me she loved me. She told me we would be together forever. And then she just left. She chose Flint. She chose a title and a crown over me."