Romans & histoires Left Them, Loved Myself

“When I was four, Dad—” Pete rushed forward and covered his mouth, pulling him away. That is to say, he had known her since he was four. My own child had kept it from me for over a decade. I smiled. Because at that moment, my last attachment to this family vanished. I no longer wanted any of them. I left. Completely left. The first few months after leaving myself were unbearable. I numbed myself with alcohol and gambling, enduring day after day. Then I went to the hospital, and the diagnosis came back.

Because in that moment, for me—it was. “Why did you do that?” I whispered into my pillow. My voice cracked. It sounded nothing like me. “Why did you let me go? Why didn’t you fight harder for us…” A dry laugh escaped me. I wasn’t even angry at him. I was angry at myself. For being a coward. For not choosing him out loud, boldly, like I should have. Because I loved him. I loved him and I left him to bleed out. I brought my hands to my face and dragged them down roughly, wiping at my tears even though more just spilled out instantly. My heart felt like it was trying to rip itself out of my chest. Every beat hurt. Every breath was a struggle.

Something harmless. But Ivy was still laughing beside me, relaxed and radiant in a way I hadn’t seen before. And something in me wanted her to know… me. The real me. Not just the cocky smile and teasing. So I said, “I don’t believe in love.” The laughter stopped. “I used to,” I added, keeping my eyes on the floor. “But someone I loved once… she left. Crushed me. Haven’t really believed in forever since.” Silence. A soft kind of silence.

He was always too absorbed with himself to care whether I was enjoying it, and I always put up a performance for him. Sometimes, it felt like I was just an outlet to satisfy his sexual desires, rather than him actually wanting me. After I freshened up and put myself together, I paused at the door of Noah's suite, wondering whether it was impolite to just leave. But we were strangers. And it was just an unplanned one-time thing. It wasn't like I had anything to say to him. So I pushed the door open and left. “I’m so sorry, Juliet, I forgot to call you back”, Grace’s voice came through my phone, as I opened the door to my hotel room.

Your brilliant mind can do far greater things than track me down. For Zion: You said you wanted the truth. The truth is that I have loved you since I was sixteen years old and never stopped for a single day. Not when I ran. Not when I lied. Not when I pretend you don’t matter. The truth is also that love sometimes means leaving so that the person you love can keep existing. Don’t hate me for it. Or hate me if you need to—turn it into music, scream about me to the entire world. But stay alive. Keep singing. The world needs your music more than it needs me.

She never even stopped to think if I would survive. She had already changed. She just refused to admit it. "I used to give in easily," I said quietly, "but that was for the version of you who loved me. Not for the version that chose to hurt me." I paused, then met her eyes. "Janice… I don't love you anymore." The love I once had for her had long since turned into nothing but disappointment and pain. I thought I had let it go, but the wound still ached deep down.

I beamed at him. "If you think that some flashlight and a few news shows are going to make me leave you, you better think again." I said, "it makes me uncomfortable, sure. But not to the point where I'll even think about leaving." I loved him too much for that. 3 Yes, I loved him. So much that my heart almost burst at the seams with it. He was the one thing in life that I was too selfish to let go of, no matter what happened. I had never before let myself indulge in anything, I had never before put myself first. But when it came to Leo, I just couldn't deny myself. He was mine, and he would be mine for as long as he wanted me to stay.

I WILL RAISE THEM WITH ALL THE LOVE I HAVE. I AM SO SORRY ICE. YOU ARE MY FIRST LOVE AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. WITH LOVE ATHENA. ] And just like that ,tears fell from my eyes. It was as if my soul was been sucked out of my body. The pain I was going through was worse than that of a bullet or knife. " No....no.....no...this can't be true. I didn't mean what I said. She can't leave , she mustn't leave . I need her next to me ..."

rt, you’ve ѕhаttеrеd іt іntо a million pieces. It’ѕ nоw bеуоnd rераіr. Sее, I knоw thіѕ wаѕ іt fоr me, it dоеѕn’t gеt аnу better thаn thе lоvе wе shared. The only реrѕоn I еvеr wаntеd, еvеr nееdеd, is ѕtаndіng rіght іn frоnt оf mе. One dау уоu’ll rеаlіѕе that tоо, or mауbе іt wаѕ оnе bіg lіе, аnd уоu hаd mе fооlеd thе whole time.” My vоісе broke оn thе lаѕt few wоrdѕ, at the іdеа оf асtuаllу walking аwау frоm hі m.

And that was it, the last straw. “You love each of them too much to let them hurt themselves.” He said and I didn’t wait any longer. I left. For good.