Left Them, Loved Myself Novels & Stories

I felt it six years ago and I felt it again today. The friendship in me wanted to go to him. The love in me wanted to be in his arms. But the respect and love I had for me, wanted to leave all this and held my head high. I left him. It wasn't like someone died. I chose myself today. I didn't regret it but the pain didn't stop.

He was a little bit too late, not when I had started loving myself first. “I want you to know,” I whispered, “thank you. For Alexander. For being his father. Your legacy will live in him… even when you’re not here.” Nate’s eyes glistened. “I’ve moved on,” I said gently. “I’m trying to stand for myself. To believe in something beyond pain. I loved who I was with you.“ I looked away, feeling lighter on my chest. “You were my beautiful destruction, Nate. You dragged me below the surface and called it love. And I… let you. Because I thought maybe drowning was better than being alone.”

Opening it carefully without tearing the paper. “Vincent, Xavier I love you both, more than you’ll ever understand. You guys are my first kids whether biological or not, you guys are always mine. Take care of each other, take care of him too, he needs it more than he’ll ever say. I’ll always carry you in my heart wherever I go to. I didn’t leave you because I don’t want you guys again, I left because I wanted to find myself. Until we meet again. Love, Mommy”

After a long silence, I finally said, "I don't think I can love anyone right now." "That's okay." He smiled. "Love yourself first." That night, I lay awake for a long time. But for once, Adrian wasn't the only one in my head. Raul's words kept playing on repeat. Love yourself first.

“Please, please don’t go.” But I was done listening to them. I was done being the dutiful daughter, done shrinking myself on the slim chance that my family would finally love me the way I wanted them to. “No,” I said, surprised by the steel in my voice. “I’m leaving. I should’ve left years ago.”

Solid. “I didn’t have to find a beautiful, loving, honest woman… break her heart… and leave her a single mother, sick and confused, with my blood behind.” Silence filled the room. “And I still made myself into something…” I finished, my voice quiet but cutting, “…you can never dream of having.”

“Not because you were in a hospital room. I want you to know that when you wake up. I was already counting.” “I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you,” she said. The words came out quieter than the rest. Different in texture. Like something she had been keeping below a line and was only now saying above it. “I left because I didn’t know who I was when I did. I thought it had to be one or the other. Me or us. Becoming or returning.” She stopped for a moment. “It doesn’t. I know that now. That’s the thing I went and found out.”

“I thought you chose her. I thought everything you’d ever said to me was fake. I thought I’d been a fool loving someone who could throw me away that easy. I hated you so much… just to numb the pain enough to breathe each day.” “And I hated myself,” Zayn whispered brokenly, pulling her back tight against him, rocking her slowly back and forth, his hands stroking up and down her arms, her sides, and her hair holding her like he was terrified she’d dissolve right in front of him. “Hated that you didn’t trust me enough to just ask. Hated that my own stupid, stubborn pride wouldn’t let me keep begging when you acted like I was trash you could throw away. So eventually… I left town. Packed up ever

I spent the night crying till I dozed off. * * * * * * It has been days since the announcement, and I still can't convince myself to leave my room. I had been cooked up in my apartment, throwing a grand pity party for myself. It was the first time I ever loved someone, and this is what I got: heartbreak.

He was as broken as I was, he felt it too, the pain these distances and circumstances brought us. “Leave me, I'm happy the way I am” I spoke heartlessly, even though I wanted him to be with me. I still can’t forget the time I begged him to love me. I wanted to hug him tightly, tell him it’s gonna be okay. We could be happy together but my self-esteem didn’t let me forget what I went through.