Novel & Cerita Losing All My Innocence

Others would simply look through me as if I didn't exist, as if I had never been Luna at all. My mother's face flashed through my mind... the disappointment, the shame. She had warned me that climbing too high meant falling farther. I had clawed my way to the top through blood and cunning. I had manipulated, lied, and bled to become his Luna, sacrificing pieces of myself I could never reclaim. My innocence had been the first casualty, followed by my conscience, and finally my capacity for genuine affection.

But my mournful ululation wasn't because of the insincerity of his words but because I was trying to find even a trace of truthfulness in his voice. I wanted to drown in the comfort of his hold, I wanted to place my lips on his to show that I appreciated his comforting words, I wanted to close my eyes and let my heart call out to him because it believed in the words he said. But I couldn't, because once upon a time, the man before me broke my very being, and now I can't trust him. Just as I can't trust anyone, not even the air I breathe. ~END OF FLASHBACK~

I should've stopped those scars from defining the person I am. "Why did you do it?" I asked the little kid, curious to know as I saw a bit of me in him. Sadness flashed across his eyes, pain twisted his brows and he said, "I lost someone too." He blinked, the innocence that radiated off his gaze stole my breath away, it's weird how at some point, we all had that innocence inside of us, it's weird how we all lost it along the way. He turned his head away and his shoulders slumped down in defeat, he looked at his lap, his fingers tracing those scars, feeling them before he pulled down the sleeves of his sweater, covering them, hiding them just like I always do.

My thoughts were a mess Missy’s tearful face, Noelle’s cold logic, my father’s ghost looming over both of us. She kept talking, her voice softer now. “I’m sorry about the girl. I am. But you and I both know… love is a luxury people like us can’t afford. We have enemies, Nico. We have blood on our hands. And the people we care about? They’re targets.” I closed my eyes, gripping the windowsill until my knuckles turned white. “Missy wasn’t just some girl,” I said quietly. “She was the first good thing I had in years. And now she’s gone.”

My voice was barely able to form her name. But she looked at me with so much trust, so much surrender, that my chest tightened painfully. I shouldn't have continued, I knew that but I continued. Slowly and carefully, I went in. Her fingers dug into my back, her breath hitching in pain. When the final barrier broke, a thin line of blood stained the sheet beneath us. It was messed up. It was then that it dawned on me that I've taken her innocence away. The one I rejected. This was complete irony.

“Marty fucking hurt me, he used my innocence and naivety to take advantage and go behind my back. Maybe if I had known what an Onlysex was – God I’m so fucking stupid” “No you’re not – well not in that kind of way. You’re innocent and you’re too nice which isn’t such a bad thing, you just need to learn to lose the niceness, be a little wild, let loose a little” I inched closer to him. “How am I going to do that?” my eyes met his and he held my stare. His hands went up to hair, losing the rubber band I used to tie my hair up and it came crashing softly past my shoulders and Aiden’s lips slightly parted.

I did not want to cry, but the tears moved hot and slow down my face anyway, burning my skin as they fell and marking the end of my innocence. Everything I had survived came rushing back in a wave of heat—my mother’s death, which Morrigan told me was for the best while telling me to be grateful I still had a roof, and my father being framed and cast out into the wilderness. It was all supposed to lead to this day, leading to safety and a home where I could finally rest. Instead, the disappointment tasted like cold ash as I sobbed once, a jagged sound that tore through the quiet room and echoed against the high ceilings.

And for the first time since everything happened … hope rises quietly in my chest. This place once destroyed lives. Soon … it’s going to save them. When nothing remains of the house but smoke, glowing embers, and a pile of blackened bones that used to be walls, Jackson hands me another pink envelope. Because apparently, this Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt from hell isn’t finished with my emotional stability yet. I slide the card out and read — It started with a little purple dress and ended in a night I'll never forget - a night of firsts.Get into the limo from that night - when you lost your innocence, and I lost my soul. (Honestly, I think you got the better deal.)

She has given her best, she has fought but all her attempts have rendered useless as she was no match to a group of around twenty starved beasts. Instead in return it has only had them tear the flimsy clothes she was wearing leaving her naked to their eyes. They have rooted their canines to torn it to only sniff it and fight for it next. Shredding it to pieces. She has experienced fear a lot of times before, but the fear of loosing her innocence was not what she expected. It was soul scarring and she knew right then that even if she lives another day after this, she will not be the same person. She will be loosing a very valuable part of her soul which can’t be brought back.

The rise and fall of his chest against hers halts abruptly. The silence shifts, changing from the heavy satiation of sex to something brittle and dangerous. Her words have struck a chord deep within him, vibrating against a structure he has spent years reinforcing with concrete and steel. He is exposed. The mask of the drunk, the cruel husband, and the domineering master has cracked, and Sahara has slipped inside, touching the raw nerve of the man beneath.