Novel & Cerita Past Lives Couldn't Ever Hold Me

I'm trying not to be overly emotional but what Michael told me today is very touching and I feel like if he continues to talk like that then I'm gonna cry already. I can't forget my dark past. Even though I tried a few times to forget those painful things I went through before at Benjie’s hands, I couldn’t really forget it. No matter how happy I am in my life now there are days when I will suddenly remember what happened to me in the past and I know that I can't do anything about it, my past is already part of me and there's no way of escaping it.

I want Atlas to know that he can't bring everything back even if he was regretting a lot. "I've been living for the past ten years blaming myself, Atlas. I've been deeply wounded by the things we can't undo. I was hurt because of everything but we can't bring the past back. This is our new life now. Let's stop this," My voice cracked and my tears fell. My eyes were pleading for him to stop this. I know and I accept it. We don't need to make it longer if in the end, it would still be the same. We both blamed ourselves and it wasn't good. We should live in the present and not in the past.

“I’m breaking so many rules contacting you. I really wish I could tell you more, but all I can tell you is that I’m alive and I’m okay.” “Why?” he asked, his frustration evident in his voice. My chest clenched at his tone. It was gut-wrenching. “Because I made a promise to you. So here it is. I’m calling you. I’m alive, but you still can’t do anything other than forget about me.” “Forget about you? Paisley, I can’t forget about you. That’s the whole problem.” My hand twisted in the fabric of my dress. “You need to. I can never go back to my old life. I’ve seen and done too much.”

I believed him. But why could I not let go? Was it what he had done in this life? Or was it the memories of a past life he didn’t even know? …

“You are not cursed, sweetheart. You’re not bad luck.” “Then why?” I screamed. “What did I do wrong in my past life? Why do I have to lose everything good I touch? I’m so tired of being strong! I don’t want to be strong anymore!” The sobs took over again. My whole body convulsed from the pain. My mother just held me tighter, rocking us gently like that would somehow fix anything. Time disappeared.

The child I held in my arms for a brief few hours before they both passed away. I never knew what I needed until I had found her so long ago and I was never going to let go again. I would find a way to break this curse and truly be with her forever.

That day keeps repeating for me. I’m stuck. I’m still living in the past. I can’t move on. I can’t live well. I can’t do what you asked of me. Every day, I live in pain. It hurts. Yet like a fool, I still listen to this message. I’m still holding on to something that’s already gone. (End) …

Tears are seriously sliding from my face. I am given another chance to correct my past life, I can't keep allowing them to see my weak side. I miss my parents, I wish that they never died. Perhaps if they were alive, I won't be humiliated or become a slave in another pack. I know that if they were alive that I shouldn't be made the object of mockery but they are gone and no more. I felt broken…… I failed my parents in my past life and I am not going to fail them this time around.

“I wish it hadn’t been part of your plans.” I let out a heavy sigh. If only I could do something to change the past. But I know that no matter how many times I wish for it, I can’t bring back what happened before. I can’t bring back the lives lost, the lives ruined, the stolen prosperity, the decisions made, or the people I trusted who shouldn’t have been. In an instant, everything was taken away from me on that fateful night. Even if I try to forget the past, painful memories still come back on their own with every passing day. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning until I close them at night, Even in my dreams, I can’t find peace.