I knelt before the mirror on the floor in my small cramped apartment, scissors hooked between my fingers as I stared at my half long hair and the already chopped pieces on the floor. A tear rolled down my eyes, I have to do this to survive.
If I were born a man, I wouldn't be kneeling here and cutting everything off that made me me.
On my small bed were a pair of men's clothes and a fake ID of me as a man.
It comes with the pain of being rejected even though my skills and qualifications perfectly fit the job description.
The hardest thing in life is trying to gain people's acceptance, but that has never been a problem to me because my grandpa accepted me for me and never regretted having me. In fact, he dots me to the point I fear I don't have a life aside from living off his wealth and riches.
After I graduated from college, I decided to get my identity, to be me without my grandpa. To find love and learn to build a life on my own. Grandpa doesn't know about this, he will never accept me doing this but it's not about him, it's about me and for my sake, I will tell my first lie.
The second tear dropped when the last hair dropped to the floor, my long hair was gone and all that was left was short trimmed hair. Staring at myself in the mirror, I was convinced I got the look I wanted, the look of a man or rather a boy because I look so small.
This is a sacrifice I have to give to get the life I want, and this is my very first lie I'm going to tell and the world will believe me without a doubt.
I never wanted to define myself with a lie, but I guess something, it has to start oddly to end happily. I pushed myself off the floor and turned to enter the bathroom when I hit my leg on the small cupboard that stood next to the door.
The sting wasn’t from the bruise. It was from the choice I made the life I was trading in for a lie.If I hadn't decided to earn my life, I would have been in my grandpa's big mansion, enjoying the soft and luxurious life that comes with it while he spoils me like a child.
But because I decided to do this, I'm stuck in this small world, close to nothing my grandpa has. Even our dog house is more spacious and luxurious than this apartment. And every day is like me walking through hell thinking I can find a way out.
There are nights I want to give up. Nights I wonder if the girl in the mansion would’ve had it easier.But the girl wasn't free and I will be nothing but the person people say I am.
I must do this, I have to do this! I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, stood up and walked into the bathroom. It was small, but enough to contain me. I washed my hair and styled it just good enough to get the look.
I got dressed in the male suit, grabbed my phone ready to get a fresh photo of myself. My eyes fell on the fake ID.
"Brian Carter" I mumbled the name, that's the name, the new name I gave myself. The name that defines me as a boy is all a lie.
I snapped out of my head, grabbed the Id and hung it on my suit. I glanced down at my chest and a wave of relief rushed down my spine, thank you the chest binder, my disguise as a man has been perfectly attained.
I went ahead and took a picture on a white background. Without wasting a minute, I uploaded it to my file and submitted it for the application.
"This will do" I hoped, a big sigh escaped my lips. I went ahead and took the clothes off, setting myself free from the bondage around my chest.
The beep from my laptop was loud, but I didn’t rush to check it. Deep down, I knew it couldn’t be from them, not this soon. So I ignored it.
My stomach then growled, reminding me I've not eaten since morning. How could I when all I cared about was getting a job? I barely have enough funds to keep me going.
I jumped on my bed, grabbed my phone and logged into my back account only to see a balance of $45 boldly written. Wow...I've never thought I'd live this life, a life I could barely afford my own meal.
I let go of my phone and turn to my laptop, I have no choice but to wait for the evening to come so I will eat at once and sleep. I punched my laptop on the notification.
I was stunned to see the notification was from the Miller management team, and they were responding to my application accepting me.
I froze. My eyes scanned the words over and over, but they didn’t change.
“Yes, you are hired. No interview. Start tomorrow.”
Was this how easy it was for them? For men?
My lie… had worked. And I didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, or fear what came next.
The lie I never gave much thought about turns out to be a way out for me, a big start for my new life. I couldn't be any more happy than I already am.
"Yes!" I jumped out of my bed, my acceptance still ringing a bell in my head.
I guess I can eat now, after all, I've got a job as the PA in the Miller Company and that means, I will no longer have to starve myself to save money. I can end more, save more while eating healthily and richly.
How I've missed my luxurious life, but I wasn't in pain anymore because I knew my journey to my new life had just begun in a big way I could never have imagined...well, I had long imagined
it for more than twenty times, just not this way though.
The car drove away, swerving into a road I had never set foot—or wheels—on before. It stretched ahead like a forgotten path, one swallowed by trees and shadows. I had no idea where we were headed, and worse, I doubted I’d ever be able to retrace my steps if things took a turn for the worst. If the worst truly came to pass… I’d be lost.I sat quietly in the passenger seat, my body stiff beside Justin. Every muscle in me tensed as though bracing for impact. I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I didn’t even dare breathe too loud. My breaths came shallow and careful, as though even a whisper of air might betray the truth buried in my chest. I was terrified that if I made a sound, he’d hear it—feel it—and know. That somehow, he’d sense the guilt clawing at me.What if he already knew?What if this entire drive was a setup?What if he was taking me to some desolate place—one far away from help, far from witnesses—where he would end it all? Where he would end me? And no one would know. No one wou
I quickly adjusted my makeup and straightened my shirt. The compact in my hand trembled just slightly—maybe from nerves, or maybe from the thrill curling in my chest. A quiet joy fluttered beneath my ribs, giddy and warm, at the thought of what was coming. It made its way to my lips and shaped them into a smile, subtle but electric. I glanced at my wristwatch—almost time.With one last look in the mirror, I breathed in deep, held it a second too long, then released it and stepped out of the room.My steps were soft. Deliberate. Almost silent, except for the faint brushing of my shoes against the floor. The corridor stretched ahead, dimly lit, sterile in its quiet. I hugged the wall as if it could shield me from consequence, my heart beginning to drum faster. I leaned forward, just enough to peek around the corner—no one in sight.Good.I made sure of that. Every movement, every breath, is calculated. There was no room for error.Then I saw her.Arian.She didn’t walk in—she charged. H
Immersed in the silence as we worked our hearts out, the calm was sharp, nearly sacred. Fingers danced over keyboards, pens scratched across paper, the rhythm of quiet productivity setting the tone—until it shattered. The door burst open with a slam that echoed through the walls, and just like that, peace was gone.Arian stormed into the room like a thundercloud, her voice already rising."How can you be so heartless and inconsiderate?" she snapped, eyes burning holes into Justin. "You do nothing but sit here, and it's still too hard to pick my call?"The accusation cracked the air like a whip.She marched across the room, heels hitting the floor in harsh defiance as she closed the space between them. Justin barely moved. He didn't flinch or stand. His eyes, sharp and visibly annoyed, stared at her with cold displeasure, every muscle in his face screaming exhaustion."For crying out loud, Arian," he said, exasperation bleeding into every word, "I am at work. Can you at least let me ha
"Hey!" I barked, forcing my voice deeper as I raised a hand sharply, stopping him in his tracks. My heart thudded against my ribs, but I masked it well."I don't mean to be rude, but just because you heard me sound like a girl just now doesn't mean I'm gay like you," I said, keeping my voice cold, my eyes scanning the room for an exit—or anything I could use to defend myself if things got ugly."And for the record," I added sharply, "you’re not even my type. So back off."I didn’t want to be cruel. But if cruelty would keep him away, then I’d be heartless.For a split second, I feared he’d keep coming—his eyes glinted with something unreadable. My pulse spiked, and my gaze darted to a nearby glass cup on the shelf. Not ideal for a fight, but better than nothing. If he made a move, I'd use it.I couldn’t risk exposure. I couldn’t risk a physical confrontation either.But then… he pouted.He actually pouted like a scolded child. My entire body froze, blinking in disbelief."It's not lik
I stood there, unsure of what to do next. He's put me in a tight spot, yet, I can't seem to get myself off this. "Sir...I..." I stuttered, not sure what was going on in his head. Does he expect me to change here? If I do then he will find out I'm not a boy and that will be the end of me.Sweat dripped down my face profusely, my palms grew wet and every nerve on my body screamed for me not to move. This is it, it's over.I gulped and began unbuttoned my shirt when he spoke "What do you think you are doing?" I looked up and found him staring at me with a frown, and I gulped again, nervous and unsure."I...you asked me to change" "And who the hell told you I'm interested in watching you get dressed?" I bit my inner lips to hit my shame, it wouldn't kill if he showed me to his rest room to get changed."Over there" he pointed, "you are left with less than two minutes" I ran into the bathroom before he could complete his sentence and got changed. The chest binder was still intact and
As soon as the elevator door closed, a hand landed on my shoulder causing me to half scream. I turned around only to see the lady from before staring at me with a confused look."Are you okay?" She asked and I nodded.I lied. She nearly gave me a heart attack with that surprise approach."I'm sorry I left you standing, something urgent came up... please, come with me to see the boss" she turned and we both walked back into the office.We got in and I carefully closed the door behind. There he was, the boss sitting behind his desk looking so dull and moody. "Sir!" She greeted and said nothing after what.His eyes fell on me and I shivered in fear. I understand what I first encountered wasn't the best but I've done nothing to deserve such a glare."What's your name?" I heard him ask but I was too lost in my head and scared to talk, I just stood there and stared back at him."Are you deaf or something little man?" He growled and I snapped out of my head."Brian Carter!" Then, I remember