Novels by deadofwrites

I learned very early that loving Catalina Alverez meant learning how to disappear.Sean was always the center of gravity. Even as children, rooms seemed to tilt toward him—teachers listened more closely, adults forgave him faster, strangers smiled longer. I stood beside him often, close enough to be mistaken for important, far enough to never matter.Catalina noticed him immediately.She didn’t notice me at all.The first time I saw her was at that playground—the one with rusted swings and chipped paint, the one that smelled like heat and metal. Sean intervened the way he always did: decisively, heroically, as if the world was something he could correct with his hands.Catalina looked at him like he’d just rewritten the laws of existence.I watched from the bench, knees pulled to my chest, pretending I didn’t care.But I did.She smiled at Sean like he was something worth believing in. She laughed too loudly. She followed him everywhere after that day. And when she laughed, something

Catalina used to believe that memories were soft things.She believed they faded gently, like chalk washed away by rain, like the distant echo of laughter that once lived in a playground but never truly stayed. She was wrong. Memories were sharp. They waited. They cut deepest when you thought you were safe.Her earliest memory of Sean Castrello lived in a playground that smelled of rusted iron and sun-warmed rubber mats. Catalina was seven—skinny knees scraped raw, hair tied in uneven pigtails her nanny had rushed through that morning. She had been crying, fat tears dripping onto her pink dress because a group of older kids had taken her jump rope and laughed as if her sadness were entertainment.Sean appeared like a quiet storm.He was sitting alone on the swing set, legs dragging through gravel, hands wrapped tightly around the chains as if grounding himself. He didn’t say anything at first. He just watched her cry, dark eyes calculating, thoughtful—too serious for a boy his age. Th

THIS IS PURE ENGLISH.The house smelled like citrus and steam—the kind of bright, clean scent that made mornings feel ritualized. Samarah lay very still for a moment, listening to her breath and the distant clink of a spoon against a mug. Light sifted through the curtains and painted a gold stripe across the bedroom wall; somewhere down the hall, Thalia and Arthur were already talking in the softened, excited timbre reserved for weddings.She reached for the small velvet box on the bedside table out of habit, not because she needed to check its contents. When she opened her fingers, the familiar weight of the ring felt like the steadying pulse of a promise. Sean had left it with her the night before—an impulse, a joke, a gentling of nerves—and the memory unfurled like the warmest thing in her chest. She kissed her palm and let the ring sit there, a bright coin of possibility, before tucking it back under the pillow where, logically, it would be safest.Below, the kitchen had become a

When I was really young, like grade-school, I never understood why all of the other children were so happy and carefree. 'Yong kasama nila parents nila at nag-eenjoy. Habang ako mukmok sa gilid at nag-iisip, bakit hindi kami gano'n? And everyone else seemed great at making friends and enjoyed being a child, but I couldn’t enjoy anything. I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness even at a young age. Nothing was enjoyable, I couldn’t make or keep friends, I was constantly doubting myself and worrying about every little thing. I questioned my existence on a daily basis, I just couldn’t be happy, but was too young to understand what depression was.I cried a lot and wasn’t as happy as the other kids. I was unmotivated and didn’t want to shower; my room was a mess and I would stay inside and play games all day. I had trouble making friends because I was super shy, kaya tanging si Khalil at Aldrich lang ang naging kaibigan ko simula noon.For me it was never feeling good enough, like no matt

Ilang beses akong napalunok at napa-hagulgol sa mga nangyari. Gano'n na lamang ba ka-desperada si Mrs. Castrello para sirain ako? Na idadamay niya pa si Catalina para pag-mukhain din siyang makitid ang utak?Nagka-tinginan kami ni Sean, ngumiti ako sa kaniya at pinunasan ang mga luha ko. Grabe na 'tong kahihiyan na 'to. Kung ayaw sa 'kin ni Mrs. Castrello hindi ko pagpipilitan ang sarili ko na tanggapin niya.Huminga ako ng malalim at tumayo sa higaan, may suot na akong saplot ngayon at baka isiniuot sa 'kin ni Sean noong gabing matapos naming gawin iyon. Tumayo ako at naglakad.“Samarah..” ani Sean. Huminto ako sa paglalakad nang tawagin niya ko. Hinintay ko ang susunod niyang sasabihin kahit na hindi ako bunaling sa kaniya. Alam kong ma-aawa lang siya sa 'kin dahil sa pang-aalipusta ni Mrs. Castrello sa 'kin.He sighed heavily. “I'm sorry, hindi dapat ganito ang nangyayari. Maybe I need to fix this mess. Hindi mo deserve 'yong ganitong sitwasyon, you deserve better. I know you're up

Iniwan ako ni Catalina na tulala ro'n. Hindi ko talaga lubos maisip na gano'n siya kabilis mag let go? O baka naman gusto niya pa si Sean at may binabalak lang talaga silang dalawang ni Mrs. Castrello? Gano'n ang kutob ko, malakas ang kutob ko na gano'n nga.“Hey..” Natigil ako sa pagmumuni nang umupo sa tabi ko si Sean. May dala itong wine glass at iniikot-ikot kaya naririnig ko ang kalansing ng yelo ro'n. “Is there something wrong?” tanong nito kaya umiling ako.Napabuga ako nang hangin. “May balak ka ba talagang makipag-annul kay Catalina?”Tumango siya at sumandal sa kaniyang kinauupuan. “Yeah. Why?”“Baka nabibigla ka lang sa mga desisyon mo. Huwag kang mag-desisyon agad-agad.” Tinikom ko ang bibig ko at nag-iwas ng tingin.“Sigurado ako sa gagawin ko. Matagal ko ng kinikimkim ang mga bagay na 'to. This time, hindi ko na ulit hahayaan na mamanipula nila ako. Magagawa kong patakbuhin ang kumpanya nang wala sila,” aniya.Tumahimik kaming dalawa. Pinakinggan lang namin ang mga piani

KABANATA 3: LIED“Sigurado ka na ba talaga?” tanong ni Isabella. Pang ilang tanong na niya iyan. Kung kailan na-realize ko na hayaan ko muna ang sarili ko na lumigaya, siya naman itong umaatras ngayon. “Pinilit kita because you need this, pero ngayon parang nagdadalawang isip kase ako kung tama ba na hahayaan lang kita—”“Nandito na tayo, Isabella,” sabi ko. Hawak-hawak ko na ang mga condoms na kinuha ko kanina sa may suite bago kami lumabas. Halos ilang oras kami nagtatalo habang nagliligpit kami ng mga damitan. Lumabas na kami noong medyo umaraw na.Napasabunot siya sa buhok niya. “Pero Alessandra—”Tinaas ko ang kamay ko. “Please, Isabella. Ngayon ko lang ulit na realize na kailangan ko rin pa lang maging malaya,kaya hayaan mo muna ako, please lang? I need to do this, kahit naman anong gawin ko rito hindi naman na mababago ang takbo ng buhay ko. Nasira na, eh.”Isabella sighed. “Sigurado ka ba?” tanong niya kaya tumango ako. “Gawin mo kung ano ang gusto mong gawin, mag enjoy ka. Pe

“This is the final boarding call for passengers Isabella Rodriguez and Alessandra Alcaraz booked on flight 4B7 to Hawaii, Honolulu City. Please proceed to gate 3 immediately. The final checks are being completed and the captain will order for the doors of the aircraft to close in approximately three minutes time. I repeat. This is the final boarding call for Isabella and Alessandra. Thank you.”Nang marinig ko 'yon ay nagmamadaling binitbit namin ang mga bagahe namin ni Isabella, hindi ko naman expect na ganoon pala ka-traffic.Late na kami dahil sa sobrang traffic, hindi ata umuusad 'yong mga sasakyan dito sa Spain! At ang asawa pa ni Isabella na si Alejandro, parang ayaw pa siyang pakawalan. Pero hindi naman mananalo si Alejandro kapag nagsabi na si Isabella kung ano ang gusto niya. Kaya ang ending, pinayagan siyang samahan ako mag bakasyon.Hingal na hingal kami habang nakaupo sa airline seats, saktong-sakto pa naman na sa tapat ako ng window seats. Kaya kitang-kita ko ang mga ilaw

“¡Usted es inútil!”Isang malakas na sampal ang dumapo sa aking mukha, sapat para umalingawngaw ang tunog sa buong silid. Para bang bumasag iyon hindi lang sa katahimikan, kundi sa natitira ko pang lakas. Bumaling ang ulo ko sa gilid, nawalan ako ng balanse, at bumagsak sa malamig na sahig na tila isang bagay na itinapon matapos mawalan ng silbi.Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko. Mainit. Mahapdi. Basa. Nang ilayo ko ang kamay ko, nakita ko ang pulang bakas ng dugo mula sa labi kong muling pumutok. Nilasahan ko iyon nang hindi ko namamalayan, at gaya ng dati, sinalubong ako ng alat at pait. Isang lasang pamilyar. Isang lasang matagal ko nang kinamumuhian ngunit hindi ko matakasan.Hindi pa tuluyang naghihilom ang mga sugat ko, may panibago na naman. Ang mga pasa sa braso ko ay hindi pa nawawala, ang mga marka sa hita ko ay masakit pa ring hawakan, at ang mga galos sa likod ko ay tila paulit-ulit na ipinapaalala sa akin kung sino ako sa mundong ito. Ang katawan ko ay parang talaan ng karahasa