CHAPTER 5

Czarina’s POV

Nagising ako dahil sa matinding sakit ng ulo ko. As I opened my eyes, a white ceiling immediately greeted me.

Where am I? What happened to me?

Napatingin ako sa paligid.

White curtains, machines. Nasa hospital ba ako? What the heck am I doing here?

I remembered passing out because of too much exhaustion. Bakit kailangan dalhin talaga ako sa hospital, I still need to work.

“Oh easy, miss Montémayor.” Napatingin ako sa doctor na pumasok at pinigilan ako sa akmang pag bangok ko.

I squint my eyes, he looks familiar, may kamukha ba siya na kakilala ko?

“What happened to me, Doc?” Takang tanong ko rito, umupo siya sa kanyang swivel chair at seryosong napatingin sa ‘kin.

Kaagad akong kinabahan dahil sa titig niya. Shit, am I dying? May sakit ba ako? Bakit ganyan ang siya makatitig?

“How long has this been going on? Your secretary told me, you’ve been throwing up a lot lately.” Napaawang ang labi ko.

“Uh, a week ago? Nasobrahan lang po siguro ako sa pagod, that’s why I’ve been not feeling so well lately.” I explained but he seemed to know something I don't.

He leaned in his chair at inayos ang salamin niya. May hawak siyang folder at binuksan iyon.

“That’s not the reason, miss Montémayor.” Napalunok ako dahil sa tono ng boses niya. “I already checked you, and you’re showing signs of pregnancy.” Kaagad nanlaki ang mga mata ko matapos niyang sabihin iyon, he then handed me the folder.

Pregnancy?

What? How?

Is he saying, I'm pregnant?

I couldn’t speak. I completely froze.

I felt like my whole body just suddenly trembled as the Doctor said that. Shit, what have I done?

I can’t be pregnant. I should NOT!

“A-are you sure, Doc? B-baka namali lang po kayo, I-I can't be…pregnant.” My voice slowly faded as I finished my words.

I remembered what happened that night between Ryscel and I. It’s indeed possible na mayroong nga na nabuo.

“I’m sorry but I'm not mistaken, I think from now on, you should take good care of your body, it’s for you and the baby.” Napayuko na lamang ako. Wala akong masabi.

My mind completely went blank.

“So if you excuse me, miss.” Umalis ang Doctor at na-iwan akong tulala.

Nanlumo ako at napahawak sa tiyan ko. I shouldn't be pregnant, I-I can't, especially because the father of the baby is him, my secretary.

Ryscel always told me he have a lot of goals and dreams in life, paano na ngayon lahat ng iyon? I'm pregnant with his baby.

I might trouble him if he finds out. Napaluha na lamang ako.

I’m so careless.

Hindi ako nag-iisip.

Napa sabunot ako sa sarili ko at napa hagolgol. My chest started to tightened. I’m having panic attacks again.

I tried catching my breath pero hindi ko talaga mapigilan ang sarili ko sa pag-iyak.

I just broke down.

Ano na ang gagawin ko? If my family finds out, they will surely take advantage of my weakness.

I was estranged to them for a reason, I cut all my ties simula nang mamatay si Ate Chenley dahil sa kagagawan nila.

And I promised na hinding-hindi nila ako magagaya kay Ate. But now—how can I keep that promise? I’m pregnant.

“Miss Czarina, are you okay? Are you feeling better?” Nagulat ako nang biglang pumasok si Ryscel sa emergency room kung nasaan ako.

Napatingin ako sa kanya at kaagad na pinunasan ang luha ko. He shouldn't find out, he can’t know my pregnancy.

“R-Ryscel, why are you still here?” I asked him naikina kunot ng noo niya.

“Of course, you’re still here, miss Czarina, I'm your secretary. I should take good care of you.” His eyes are so genuine.

Napayuko na lang ako. I know he have a dream para sa sarili niya, and I’m about to ruined it, if he learns that I'm carrying his child.

“Ryscel I have to tell you something.” Kaagad siyang napakunot ng noo niya.

“Ano po iyon?” He looked at me in the eye, making it more hard for me.

I clench my fist.

“Y-You’re fired.” Napayuko ako dahil sa sinabi ko.

I shouldn’t keep him with me, I don’t want to ruined his life.

“P-Po?” He is shocked of what I just said.

Napalunok ako and took a lot of courage to look him in the eye.

“I d-don’t need you anymore, I'm firing you.” I showed no emotion saying those words.

Napailing-iling ito at napahawak sa kamay ko.

“Are you saying this because, y-you’re pregnant?” My eyes widened, how did he know?

I bit my lower lips and turned my gaze.

Shit, he shouldn’t know about this.

“H-How—” I cut my words at napailing. “This child isn’t yours, Ryscel,” I lied.

His eyes soften as he heard what I said. I have to lie for our sake Ryscel.

“You’re lying.” Sobrang seryoso ang boses nito. Napalunok ako dahil this is the first time I’v seen him like this.

“No, that’s the tru—”

“So you’re expecting me to pretend that I don’t remember what happend that night between us, Czarina?” Nagulat ako, he only called me by my name.

He’s really serious.

Hindi ako napaimik.

“Stop lying to me please, I know I'm your first, so that baby is definitely mine.” I totally underestimated him.

I couldn't speak, hindi ako makarason because what he said is true.

Napailing ako as my tears started escaping my eyes again.

“You don’t understand Ryscel, I-I can’t afford to ruined your life, masisira lahat ng pinapangarap mo, and I'm planning to abort the baby.” Nagulat ito sa sinabi ko. Napahikbi ako.

I have no choice.

He gently held my face at pinunasan ang luha ko. Umiling-iling siya, pleading to stop what I'm planning.

“Please, don’t.” His eyes, it’s pitiful.

“Ryscel, we both can't keep the baby. Mahihirapan lang tayong dalawa, kilala mo ang pamilya ko and they will do everything to bring me down, I don’t want the baby and you to suffer dahil sa gulo ko.” I explained my side to him, I badly want keep the baby too but I can't take the risk.

Ryscel went silent for a second before uttering, “NO! I’m not allowing it Czarina, please don’t do this, I'm begging you.” Ma-awtoridad pero nagmamaka-awa nitong saad.

I cried, also hurt by this decision.

“Ryscel please understand, I can’t—”

My words was cut off when he suddenly hugged me tight. Kagaya nang gabing iyon, his hug was warm and comforting.

I didn't resist at napaiyak na lamang.

“I will protect you and our child, I will do everything it takes to protect both of you, so please don’t do it, don’t abort our child.” I didn’t uttered a word.

I keep my silence, and let my tears flow.

I'm surprised dahil ito ang mga sinasabi niya, I was expecting him to leave like others did to me.

His words hit me hard, he is the first person who treated me like this, like an actual person and not a disappointment. He's willing to do everything it takes to protect me.

“I promise miss Czarina, I won’t let any harm, near you…” His gentle voice, soften my heart.