Chapter 5

Vera

What a way to end the night.

His avatar disappears, the screen goes dark and just like that, we’re done. The nice thing about Dane is there’s no bullshitting. We both know what this is, and we don’t have to skirt around and pretend we want more. We don’t have any expectations. I made it clear from the beginning that I was not looking for more. Just the thought of it sends me into a panic. Dane, being in the military, agreed. He didn’t have time for that either. I think that’s why I feel so comfortable writing to him so openly. Even with sexting, I did that with my first boyfriend. I haven’t done this since my senior year of High School and that was seven years ago.

Biting my lip, I fell back on the bed, naked, but thoroughly pleased. I let out a content sigh and my breasts jiggled. I stare up at the ceiling as I caught my breath. Even sexting with Dane is good. One minute I’m having a shitty day and the next, I’ve forgotten about all of my problems as I record myself coming. I didn’t bother looking at the other Snarls, nor did I really care. I gulped as I realized Dane just might be my favorite.

Before I could hyperventilate about possibly catching feelings, I told myself there’s nothing wrong with having a preferred booty call. It’s not like I was going to bring him home and call him my mate. The image of his long-veined cock flashed across my mind and I couldn’t help but giggle. Dane was hot. I didn’t need to lie to myself about that.

How can sex with a man I’ve never met be better than sex with a man I was shackled to for almost six years?

No, no, no.

I would not go there. I close my eyes and erase that last thought from my mind. The last thing I want to do is spiral into thoughts of him. That will open a door to me questioning myself, and it took Ami so long just to convince me to make this plunge. My brain is already working overtime, throwing questions across the big screen. Why am I doing this? Why am I on Mythinder? What would he think if he knew? I let out a shaky breath and feel myself sink into the bed. I shouldn’t care about anything that has to do with him, and yet, my heart still ached at the thought of him.

My phone vibrated, and I grabbed it and held it up in the sky. As if he was still on the other end of my fate string, I cursed when I saw his name on my screen. I had blocked him, but a part of me didn’t want to remember that I had unblocked him to snoop. My wolf whined. It wasn’t often that I heard her these days, and when she did say anything, I pushed her away. I silenced her as he had done to us. We’d been so fucked up, so used to silence, we preferred it. Old habits die hard. Recently though, she’d been more vocal. The bomb in my hands vibrated again.

Shit, shit, shit.

Don’t answer it.

You know I can’t do that, Cleo.

Can’t or won’t?

I’ve missed you.

You lie. If you actually missed me, you wouldn’t pretend I was dead.

… That’s not true.

We’re used to the void now. Don’t lie to me a second time.

We just talked the earlier.

When you told me to stop talking?

… We’re so fucked up.

You won’t distract me. Don’t pick it up, V.

I don’t know how to ignore him yet.

Let me take over and…

No! I… I can’t. I have to be in control. I can’t... No.

… He hurt us.

Pushing her to the farthest parts of my mind, I felt her hurt as I answered the call and brought it to my ear. Cleo accepted what I would do but wouldn’t be a part of this. She went so far back into my mind I couldn’t feel her. My hands were clammy and sweat tricked down my spine and my heart roared in my ears as I held my breath. I didn’t say anything, couldn’t breathe a word as I listened to the noise coming in from the other side of the line. I picked up on loud music and laughing in the background. He shushed someone and there was a giggle.

“Vera?” He asked. My heart exploded and my eyes watered at his familiar ache. It soothed the ache in my chest and tore it open at the same time. No boyfriend, no partner had ever hurt me as much as he had.

“Mm.”

“Are you sleeping?” He asked.

“No,” I said curtly as a tear escaped and slowly made its way down my cheek.

“I need a favor,” he murmured. I hated the way he talked to me as if everything was normal, as if this wasn’t weird, as if we hadn’t split. Like he could call me on a Friday night and ask me for a favor, and it was no big deal.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“Can you do it, or not?” He huffed. As if I was the one burdening him. As if he could just waltz into my life and make demands, and I had no say in it.

“Do I even have a choice?” I whispered.

“There’s my girl,” he laughed. It wasn’t his genuine laugh; it was the one he had when he’d had too many drinks. The one he made when his eyes crinkled at the corners and his smile was bright because he was feeling good. There was a slurping sound, and he groaned before he cleared his throat. I closed my eyes and did everything I could to keep myself from crying.

“What do you need?” I asked as calmly as possible.