II-IS HE THE RIGHT GUY?

                                                                        II

The quarter progressed and, as I'd expected, I was unable to get Jack out of my mind. We would greet each other laconically in the hallway of the house, keeping quiet at lunch.

My conversations with both him and Beth were limited to household chores. Don't mix colors in the washing machine, turn off the light when it's daylight, don't let Roy overindulge in cho- colate and sweets.

The literature professor had set a group assignment, so we met in the library. Most of the girls had little initiative. They obeyed everything proposed by Erika, an arrogant girl who thought she was always right.

She was tall and posh, dressed in leather and after every word she put her hand in her pocket to touch her purse, as if it were a magic lamp from which ideas could spring.

'King Lear is hardly interesting.'

'But it's a universal story,' I countered. 'It reflects fratricidal struggles, greed and how they can lead to self-destruction.'

'Wow, I see you're a smart ass. Why don't you organize everything?'

'Come on, stop arguing. Let's go do something,' said Kate, one of the teammates, trying to appease us.

Once we had divided the topics among the members, they all started talking about boys. They mentioned sex in a way that was too ordinary for my taste among strangers.

'Well, haven't you, Anna, had your first time?' asked Diana.

'If she's a prude, don't you see,' mocked Erika.

'I don't like to talk about what I do in bed. Besides, that shouldn't have to be areason for comparison.'

'I knew it, you don't hook up with anyone. You should come with me and learn a little.'

'Yeah. And you, when was your last time, Erika?' Kate prodded.

'When I was with Jack,’she showed off.

'Jack?'

'Yes, he's the one who lives in Malahide, over by Artane Roundabout, don't you know him?'

'What do you mean, that Jack? And what did you do, you slut?' Diana went on laughing.

'Everything. I'm not going to tell you.'

The lump in my throat wouldn't let me speak. Maybe to Jack I was just a trophy. I was burning with desire to ask that idiot for details about her relationship with him, but I didn't even explain that he was my roommate.

But what was clear to me was that he needed to tell me everything. What did he have with Erika?

'Okay, girls,' Erika said, clapping her hands. 'Enough chitchat. Kate and Diana, you develop the historical context. Rachel, you with me, we'll do the comedies and the poems. You, Anna, the tragedies, which I can see you're a little freaked out about. You'll do it with the new mate.'

'What new mate?'

'Monica, she'll be here in half an hour.'

'What a coincidence, she's called like my ex," I thought. When she appeared through the door, I thought someone was pulling my leg. "It's her!"

She was wearing an elegant red printed dress and her hair was up in a bun. She looked stunning and irresistible even without wearing lipstick.

I began to feel a tingling in my back and my heart skipped a beat. The librarian scolded some brats who were making noise and I took advantage of a moment of absent-mindedness to signal Monica. She understood instantly.

'Hi, I'm Anna,' I said holding out my hand, which she shook weakly.

'Monica,' she replied indifferently.

The best thing for both of us was to pretend it was the first time we had met. So we disguised ourselves as skillfully as we could by talking about the genius of Stratford-upon-Avon, until we were shooed away and the room closed.

Then I lagged behind with her. 'Anna, we're going to miss the bus!" announced Kate, the only one I got along with. I improvised an excuse about some supposed notes I was going to lend Monica, until we were left alone in front of the facade of Trinity College. The light from the street lamps and the rattle of cars in the rain bore witness to our reunion.

'Did you bring an umbrella?'

'No, did you?'

'No'

'Let's go to the bridge, I want to talk to you.'

We laughed and walked through the puddles as if the water couldn't get us wet. We finally reached Samuel Beckett's bridge and, when the rain stopped, we sat down next to it to look at the horizon.

'Forgive me,' I managed to stammer.

'You're not to blame. I should have been braver,' she acknowledged.

'Shall we go up to my house?'

It was hard to resist. So many hours had passed, so I had to call Radcliffe and let him know I wasn't coming up for dinner. I told him I was staying at a friend's house without further expla- nation. He didn't take it badly, so as soon as I hung up the phone, my worries went away.  I praised the way Monica cooked chicken and we drank steaming hot coffee.

As much as she tried to hide it, Monica could tell I was looking at her with desire. So she marched to the bathroom for a drink of water. "She must be uncomfortable," I thought. When she came out, she was wearing only white panties and a lacy bra. I felt a tingling in my legs and couldn't help but move closer to her.

As if my body was weightless, I let her undress me and entertained myself by running my tongue over her neck, breasts and nipples. I raised my head and gave myself to her as if we were two teenagers.

Then we searched each other with open palms, until she laid me down and, from top to bottom slid, letting her whole body fall down my belly until she reached my inner thigh. Then it was my turn, so I put her face up and I reached her pubic bone.

She moaned in a way that sent a shiver down my spine and then I kept circling her labia majora and minora, like the folds of a beautiful flower, until I got to her clitoris.

The gasps she intoned as I rested my face against her thigh made me aroused, and then I remembered Jack again and how some other night I had fantasized about him after kissing.I felt guilty, but didn’t let that thought curtail my instinct.

I noticed how she finished, drenched in sweat, without me being able to reach orgasm. She must have been aware of my predicament.

'Didn't you like it?'

'Yes, of course I did. It's just that...'

'I see, it takes a while after all this time, doesn't it?'

'Yes, that's right. Besides, I'm a little tired today.'

'Stay here to sleep.'

'No, it's okay. I'll call a cab'

I looked for the station phone and the taxi soon arrived. It had stopped raining. That night I didn't think about anything. My body seemed to be anesthetized, as if a bunch of scorpions were holding my organs immobile.