5TH CHAPTER

“Rise, I cannot believe you!” Nag-iimpake akong hinabol ni Tia sa kwarto ko. After the dinner, which was heavy, and nauseating, the responsibility of marrying a Teng fell onto me. I never wanted to marry a Teng, for God’s sakes, pero it’s Tia. Tia, who’s always protected me since the beginning. Tia, the only person who took care of my wounds kapag binubugbog ako sa bahay na ‘to. Tia, who ensured na makakapasok ako sa UP ng hindi alam ng nanay ko.

Tia, who’s always been in love with Andreas.

I cannot let her marry a man who’s not Andreas. Di bale nang ako. I’ve basically sealed my life to be alone with my dog, anyway. I can’t have children, and I am not interested in romance. A loveless marriage will be the least of my problems.

I held her face with my two hands and I gave her a hug. “Tia, please.”

“Rise, you’ve suffered all your life! God, I wanted you to leave this house for good, and then you pull off that brain-cutting stint of yours?!”

Itinuloy ko na ang pag-iimpake and I just glanced at her. “There’s no way in hell na papayag akong magpakasal ka sa iba bukod kay Andreas.”

“I can handle that, do you really think I can’t handle—”

“Tia,” I firmly told her and I stopped packing. “I made a choice. This choice I made, kahit ginawa ko siya in a split-second, I did it to save both of us.” I smiled at my younger cousin. “There’s no one in this world, Tia, that I love more than you. It was a decision I made para tayong dalawa na ‘yong makabitaw sa pamilyang ‘to.” I sighed. “And I’m a neurosurgeon. Making split-second, life-changing decisions is something na I should be trained with.”

“You don’t know Armando, Rise.”

“Hmm, if the Ates and Kuya Lano are right, na isa daw siyang public health hazard, and suki siya sa ER namin for his sexual escapades, then he has to be at least good in bed, right?”

Natigil si Tia sa harap ko. “Really? That’s your takeaway?”

“Naiisip kong tumingin sa patient files nga eh. Anong mga sex accidents kaya nagawa niya?”

“Rise!”

“Tia.” I firmly began. “This is my choice, and elders were okay with it.” Then tumuloy na ako sa pag-iimpake. “Now, kailangan ko bumalik sa ospital because my patient’s family is freaking out, pero we’re supposed to meet with the Tengs in Manila na, no?”

“Yes.” She answered, defeatedly. “The day after tomorrow, sa restaurant nila sa Tagaytay.”

“Okay.” I agreed, and I zipped my luggage. “Take care of yourself, Tia, ha?”  I pushed her out to the door kung saan naghihintay si Andreas. “You two should rest. Susunod kayo sa Tagaytay, diba? Sasabay na ako paalis ng Cebu kila Kuya Lano.”

Tia nodded, and she hugged me one last time, before she left me. Sinimulan ko nang ayusin lahat ng mga natira ko pang mga gamit, before I heard another knock, at binuksan na nung taong yon ‘yong pinto. I threw one glance before I recognized who it was.

“Mother,” I said, pero she was never a mother to me. She gave birth to me, sure enough, pero she was never a mother.

Para sa kanya, I took everything from her, and it’s true. I did take everything from her. Clad in a red robe, my mother, Eleonora Bellanova, was wearing her brown hair down, and her brown eyes pierced through me.

“Arissa,” Mariin nitong salita. “know your place, hija.”

Know my place.

It took me a long time, before, to know my place in this household, pero ngayong alam ko na, I wouldn’t even bother to ask for something. I already know na I’m not getting love. I might not be Tia, but I know, at the very least, that Armando will be using me for revenge. Hindi ako tanga. So if he’s going to use me, then I’ll use him too. Heck, I’ll utilize him, even.

I’ll use him to be free from this family.

“I know. Sana ikaw rin, sana i-meet mo din ‘yong end ng promise.”

My mother smirked. “Fine then.” At lumabas na siya. I heaved a heavy sigh at naupo ako sa kama ko. The door na tinanggalan ng lock, the room na halata mong nilinis lang dahil uuwi ako, all of these, they carry a memory I never want to revisit. Kung ako masusunod, I’d want this room to be burned.

Lahat ng ginawa ng nanay ko sakin, dito niya ginawa.

All because I ‘killed’ her husband.

And all these years, I took it all in, kasi sinisisi ko rin sarili ko sa pagkamatay ng Dad ko, and I still do.

When I was seven, my father got hit by a bus trying to save me. Kasi nag-aya ako na mag-mall. My father, the firstborn ng mga Bellanova, the man who was able to do it all. I wish it was just my mother who blamed me for his death, pero everyone with the Bellanova name did. He was a good father, a great husband, an amazing businessman, so why did he throw his life away for such a worthless daughter?

Finally, I’m going to be free from this hell.

Kinuha ko lahat ng mga bagay na I deem important; a picture of me and Dad, one wherein I was with Tia nung mga bata kami, and the photo I have with my Lolo. Isinilid ko silang lahat sa carry-on ko, and I tucked myself in. I took a book from the nightstand, and I began reading it. “Chasing the Crow’s Feathers,” I mumbled. This must be Lazuli Shaw's new book. Tia brought it to me during the wedding, she knows na I like this author eh.

To the one I loved for a short time, I will always remember you. The book’s introduction said. I wonder what it feels like, you know? Falling in love. Lazuli Shaw's always been good at describing love, even in different angles. She talked about an astronaut falling in love, and then falling out of love, all in the same book. Chasing the Crow’s Feathers is her second book, and I hope maresolve na ‘yong astronaut drama.

Pero ako? Love? I can’t do it.

It’s not like I’m incapable of love. If I was, bakit ako nag-doktor?

It’s more of I don’t want to put myself in that kind of situation again, ever.

I just hope na Mr. Teng is also like that – I would want a situation wherein sa bahay, sa shared space lang kami magkikita. He doesn’t have to hide his affairs, as long as he doesn’t act violently towards me, or bring his babae sa shared space namin. Madali lang naman ako kausap eh. He can even use me if he wants revenge, wag niya lang ako sasaktan, physically. I hope he doesn’t expect anything from me, kasi wala akong expectation sa kaniya, completely.

Nangalahati ako sa libro, and then I stopped there, then I slept na. When I woke up, we ate breakfast, then after lunch, mabilis na lang kami naka-alis ng Cebu, with my cousins. Susunod bukas sina Tia sa meeting with the Tengs.

The plane ride was quiet. We took the Bellanova’s private plane, at sa Manila na ang baba naming lahat. May mga patiente kasing kailangan na kami sa ospital, and it was tense. Other than the fact that I was marrying a Teng, mukhang may problema din sa CICU, the cardiac ICU, kaya napalipad din sila pabalik.

“Baby Rio?” Tanong sa akin ni Milano.

Tumango ako. “Nag-uunstable. Mr. Sawyer?” I asked about his patient.

Umiling si Milano. “Heart transplant.” Milano held my hand. “If he hurts you, Rise, umuwi ka lang sa bahay namin.” I glanced at the Ates, who were looking at me, smiling. “Alam naming kahit pagsama-samahin pa shares namin, kulang yon to free you, pero we can try.”

I smiled. “Kayo naman, wala pa nga eh.” Then I sighed. My cousins care more about me than my own mother. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I’m saying this, kasi kami ni Ate Betsy,” Turo ni Milano sa ate niya. “We went to the same high school as him. So the moment he raises his voice at you, tumakbo ka papunta sa amin, ha?”

“Oo, Rise. Tumankbo ka papunta sa bahay ng kahit sino samin, itatago ka namin, promise.” Ate Betsy sighed. “Kung mas malaki lang shares namin-”

Umiling ako. “No, no. Lahat kayo, katunog niyo na si Tia. I’ll be fine.” Ngiti ko rito. “Marami na akong napag-daanan. Kasal lang ‘to, Ates and Kuya.”

“Sa ibang babae, kasal ang pinaka-importanteng moment sa buhay nila. Sa’yo naman, Rise, nila-lang mo ‘yong kasal.” Ate Betsy noted, bago siya tumingin palabas ng bintana. “I hate that house. What the hell did they just do?”

Oo nga pala, one year after my father’s death, namatay din Dad nila. So they never saw how my mother treated me.

It’s better if they didn’t.

The plane landed after an hour or so, and dumiretso na kaming apat sa ospital. Sa ER kami dumaan, and to our surprise, napakarami ng tao.

“Binagyo ba Maynila nung wala kami?” I asked Dr. Tensei, na nag-aabang ng ambulansya sa labas ng doors ng ER. I seem to have snapped her back to reality nang kinausap ko siya, because she looked shocked.

“Dr. Rise!” Agad nitong bati. “May gumuhong two-floor restaurant, kung on-call ka, please join us.” Tumango ako and I went into the hospital.

I went to the changing room, and I timed in. Nagpalit ako into my grey scrubs, and I put on my coat. Iniwan ko muna luggage ko, and I went out. On my way to the ER, nakasalubong ko si Dr. Yamamoto, also in her grey scrubs. Parehas kaming Neuro residents, and we work a lot together. Sa kanya ko rin ibinigay si Baby Rio, in case na magka-emergency at wala ako.

“You were paged, too?” Tanong ko rito at tumango siya.

“Baby Rio’s fine. Dr. Lim fixed the leak.”

“Was it something I did?”

“No, it was a complication that couldn’t be predicted. You did fine.” Nakabalik na kaming dalawa sa ER, and we put on our trauma gowns. Mula sa pintuan ng ER, narinig namin ‘yong sirens, and it was going wild.

This only means one thing, and this means that this is big.