Chapter 1: Dress Shopping

When I was a young girl, all I wanted in life was to be an adult. Well, now I’m an adult and all I want is to go back in time and be that little girl I once was. Life is funny isn’t it. You always want what you can’t have at that moment. Is it always for the best? Not always…

Hi, I’m Aria. I believe I do have a pretty good life as I know it at the moment. I don’t have everything yet that I desire, but I’m getting there slowly. I have an awesome career as a song writer, many number one hits, Grammy’s, I even have some songs in high budget movies. As much as I love children, I never desired to have any of my own. Of course though, at thirty-six years old I still haven’t met the right guy either. I didn’t want to end up with child after child to guys who just didn’t work out. I’m an awesome aunt and godmother though and I love my nieces with all of my heart, it’s just something that isn’t in life’s cards for me.

Did I mention that I live in a really nice house, basically off the grid. I look out my window and all I see is grassland for as far as my eyes will allow. It’s pleasant out here in the country, I do still travel into the city but it’s definitely nice to be able to retreat back to my safe space. I usually spend my evenings with a glass of wine, peace, and write. I’m currently working on a couple new pieces that I cannot wait to reveal the finished product.

My best girl friend, Amy, is constantly setting me up on blind dates. They usually are busts, you would think she knows what I like, but I’m beginning to question our friendship. My best guy friend, Chad, actually told me just this morning that he found the best guy ever for me. He and his husband were at the gym last night and ended up in an encounter that left this man wanting my number. I could only imagine what was told to this guy. He always hypes me up for more than what I am. I guess we will see if he calls.

Today is my fitting for the Grammy’s next month. I’d love for once to be able to go with a date that wasn’t my brother or my best friends. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be this successful and not have someone to share it with. However, you have to be careful.

As I head into the city, I sit here reminiscing about life, about how I got here. About how proud my mother would be of me right now. She left us about six years ago to cancer. We didn’t have a father growing up, she did it all on her own. I’m just thankful that she didn’t leave us while we were young, I just wish she didn’t leave at all.

I was never one for designer clothes, gowns, purses, shoes, I’m simple. Now I have to go into a dress shop and pick out something that is out of my comfort zone, again, for yet another awards show. I know you’re thinking, why not just wear a woman’s suit. The real question is, why can’t I just wear sweatpants and a tank top? Can I please just go like a little white-girl-rapper? That would be so comfy.

Here I am walking into this dress shop, jeans, tank top, slides, my hair pulled up, no makeup on, I don’t belong here. Yet I do.  

“You must be Aria,” Said the store clerk, “we’ve been expecting you!”

“Yes! That is me! Please ignore that I look horrible right now.” I said back to her.

“Oh don’t be silly, you’re beautiful and just don’t need to be all dolled up to make it known!” She replied with a big smile. “I hear you have a big day coming up next month and you’re looking for something to steal the show?”

Haha, steal the show, oh yes that is all I want, all eyes on me, the girl who is uncomfortable in her own flesh to be standing in front of thousands. “Well, yes but no. Just something simple will do.”

The store clerk, whose name is Mel, I finally got close enough to see her nametag, walks me over to a rack with about ten dresses. “We pulled a few for you to try on based on what you were photographed in the last few awards shows.”

Oh wow, someone did their homework. I just nodded, smiled and followed her over. I could already see a few that were absolutely not going on my body so I pointed those out and told her that these are definitely not what I’m looking for. She quickly removed them from the rack and I glanced through the rest that were there. One dress really stuck out to me and I took it first into the dressing room. This must be what it feels like to try on wedding dresses. Of course though, will I ever know?

I take the first dress, a long silver, sparkling gown that looks like it will fit every curve as it should, into the dressing room. I take a deep breath, I know I’m so ungrateful right now. I have a dream career, more money than I can ever dream of, and I’m going to the Grammy’s, because for the 8th year in a row, I’m… Nominated! I have only won twice in those seven previous years, but the fact of being nominated is just a blessing. I take a deep breath, glance at my plain self in the mirror and start to remove my clothing to put on the gown.

This is so pretty, I tell myself. Is it enough? Will I fit in? I love this dress so much and I don’t care if I “fit in”. This is it!

As I stand here admiring how crazy I look in the mirror, my hair is all crazy, no makeup on, yet I’m standing here in the most beautiful dress. I wonder if it will look as stunning once my hair and makeup are actually done. Oh what am I saying, sure I will, I will look even better.  

“Wow,” I let out a quiet expression of excitement, “definitely it!” I snap a photo on my phone, place it back down, take a deep breath and walk out onto the showroom floor. “This is it.” I see the store clerk staring back at me in awe. Smiling, I say again, “This is it!”

Mel nodded and asked me if there were any adjustments I needed to have made. Shaking my head, “nope, it’s perfect!” I began to tear up, because for the first time in my life I actually felt like a princess. All those other award shows, red carpets, gowns, meant absolutely nothing compared to how I feel right now! “Yes, I will definitely be taking this one!”

I retreated back into the dressing room to change out of the gown and back into my plain street clothes. Now being back into my jeans and tank top, where did that princess go? The first time ever, I see how I am truly being with myself, dressing as though I don’t care. I do, but it’s nice to be comfy. There’s a time and place for that! I’m realizing…

I look down at my phone as I gather all my belongings to head out and see a missed call. I look at the number and I have no idea who it is. I see I have a missed voicemail, check it in shock. It’s Albert! Albert is the guy that Chad had given my number to. He actually called me, and I wasn’t available to take his call because I was transforming myself into a princess. I’ll just call him back in a little bit, I don’t want to seem too desperate.  

I walk out to finish the transaction with my gown. Mel rang me up and off I went. Another seven thousand dollar dress that I will never wear again.

As I’m walking to my car, I notice my phone ringing, it’s Chad. “Hello?” I answer.

“Hey, Ari, why didn’t you take Albert’s call?” Chad asked, acting like I was ignoring him.

Explaining to Chad I was in a fitting for the Grammy’s was like talking to an ant about baseball, didn’t care. “I will call him back shortly,” reaffirming to Chad that I wanted to talk to Albert and finally go out on a date with someone that he and Joe thought would be great for me, instead of one of Amy’s rejects. Hanging up with Chad, I got into my car and started to head back home when I decided to stop and get a coffee.

I pull up to the local coffee shop and head in. I’m in line with about six people ahead of me when a guy comes in behind me and gets into line. I must say, yes I noticed him. He was a very attractive man. It’s like one of those times you look at someone and you just lose your breath, that’s this right now.  

I hear the guy quietly ask me, “has this line moved at all?”

Replying with a light giggle as I turn slightly to him, “I actually just got here, so no, not since I’ve been here.”

“This place is always slow, but has the best coffee around.” He replied with a smile on his face.

Oh my, this guy, where was he all my life. So beautiful. I try to not let my thoughts come out of my mouth, or show on my face. I have to call Albert back, I cannot chat up this guy as well. Hmmm, or can I? I noticed he glanced down at my hands, “I’m Antonio, can I buy you your coffee today?”

Well, that is new. I never usually have an interaction like that. “Sure, that would be nice! I’m Aria, or Ari.” Shaking his hand, his nice soft, firm hand. “Thank you so much, you’re very sweet.”

A half hour later, we are finally up to the counter and we get our drinks and he asked if I was staying to enjoy the coffee or if I had to head out. I really didn’t have anywhere I needed to be but home. “Well, I don’t know, what were your plans?” Smiling at him, making a little eye contact.

He replied that he was interested in spending a little time chatting. We sat down in a corner booth and enjoyed our coffee and getting to know each other a little. As many guys as Amy had set me up with in the past, why did she not find this guy? Why didn’t Chad find this guy? Well, I can’t really down Chad’s guy because I haven’t met him yet. However, they always say love finds you when you least expect it, when you’re not looking, right? Well…

After sitting and talking to Antonio for a little while, we exchanged numbers and he is supposed to call me later on to make some plans. I felt butterflies for the first time since, well, ever. Is this what it feels like?

As I walk out to my car, I see Antonio getting into his truck and start to drive off, waving to me as he passes. I’m standing there with a big smile on my face. A smile that has been long missing from my face in such a way. I get into my car and drive off and head home to put my seven thousand dollar gown away. That’s one thing I didn’t disclose yet to Antonio, that I was a pretty successful song writer. I simply said that I’m a writer. I didn’t want to just meet someone and tell them exactly what I do and that I’m very well off. Could Antonio be my date next month? I sure hope so!