Chapter 14 - Not Within Reach

-Alaric-

“Her name is Aurelia.” Ilan said, breaking the silence.

I stared up at him from the cup of warm infused herbs in my hands,“Who?”

“Your caregiver, the one you kept staring at.”

Right.

Did I forget that when Ilan was in a room even when you think he wasn't looking, he was observing, sometimes I wonder if he had eyes behind his head.

“Aurelia.” I tested her name on my lips, the way they rolled out had me almost calling her name again but I pressed my lips shut.

I certainly do not want Ilan on my neck because even I haven't been able to figure out why I seem so calm by just staring at her or why I always find myself staring.

“Yes, I do too. I wondered why she was veiled. Seems suspicious to me that I –”

Wait.

“You what?” I cut in eagerly but I immediately covered it up with two pretend coughs.

Ilan took another cup and handed it to me which I drank.

“I almost tore it off her but Elder Sage called me to order which I was grateful for because if I did I would have regretted it.”

What? I frowned.

“She has the Blessed circlets.”

And that had me sitting up immediately, Did he just say?

“Blessed Circlets? The dedicated Praying Breads? The one, devoted wolves and oracles use?”

Ilan nodded.

A strange feeling washed over me.. I couldn't explain the feeling but was it sad? disappointment?

Aside from the fact that they were praying beads, people who get them are devoted people, they were never to entertain the thoughts of having earthly feelings… no mates or anything in between or around it.

“Elder Sage said, the veil could depend on various origins.”

Oddly, I don't seem to appreciate this information that Ilan was feeding me with but I nodded him to go on anyway.

“He said it could mean, devotion from birth, devotion by oneself which could be solely because of rejection or betrayal.”

“You know, “Ilan shrugged, “from her mate.”

“Oh.” I said simply but my mind was already raging with different thoughts.

Why would anyone betray or reject her? I mean has the stupid mate seen her eyes?

Those calming at the same time fierce ones?

Who was so stupid enough to—

“Leo!”

I turned to Ilan who had a worried look on his face, which told me he must have been calling, but I was too lost in my thoughts to hear him.

The goddess knows I am going crazy.

“You know,” He started as he sat by the edge of the bed, he took the empty cup in my hands and replaced it with another, “You have to stop worrying about it, I still strongly believe that your fated mate will find you, or that you will find her.”

A pang of pain hit me, just as it always did when I thought about it.

“Fated mate.” The word sounded foreign on my tongue, words that I could only dare to think of… all I was allowed was just imagination.

As I grew older, I had to push the thought out of my head each time I found myself lost in it… somethings were never meant for a male like me and fated mate was one of them.

I gave a small smile, “It's for the best. The goddess sure is saving her from me.” I absent mindedly traced my fingers around the cup in my hands.

“Don't say that. There is still time.” Ilan said, his voice sounded hopeful.

Hope. That was only what I could reach, well… even that had slipped off my hands years ago.

But maybe I could still hope?

For a forty two year old he-wolf? With all my prime gone? Getting wounded on battlefields? Having my life on the line because my last name came with so many enemies?

No. I can't.

I shook my head, raised the cup to my lips, “Pray for yours Ilan but I know you will find her, soon.”

I see my Beta's face lit up, his scary demeanor slipping a bit before coming back in place.

Ilan is two years younger than I am, despite his frowns, scary looking and all, he wasn't a monster like myself, he sure deserves good things, his fated, included.

“But–”

The door opened interrupting Ilan, he stood up immediately, his body going on alert but soon relaxed.

We watched as the Priestess walked in, behind her were six more persons, they stood in twos, each carrying something looking like bundles in their arms, the last group, the male had one bundle and the female another.

Different shades of scents hit me and a very big smile pulled up my lips, even Ilan was smiling too.

They all just had their pups and the last mates had twins.

“Greetings to you, your Majesty.” The Priestess bowed, the mates behind her did too.

“Greetings, Zulu.”

Ilan gestured for them to move closer which they did.

“We bless the Moon goddess for your recovery. The Gemma informed us that it was proper to come for the naming blessings.” Zulu said.

It was an ancient practice in the West that pups are blessed after their delivery either by the Alphas if they were in packs or by the Alpha King if the delivery was in the capital.

And this was one of the few things that really brought me genuine happiness… that mates are able to have gifts of their love bestowed upon them by the moon goddess.

“Congratulations.”

They all went on their knees, “Thank you Moon goddess for these beautiful gifts of love. Blessed are the pups. They will grow strong, healthy and happy.”

“So be it.” They all chorused.

I watched as Zulu touched the pups’ foreheads…. My smile widened.

I stared at the mates, from the scent of them, they are all fated. I looked as the males stared at their females, the light in their eyes, the love, and for the females, it was the same.

‘Something never meant for me.’

I swallowed hard, forcing down the ache that had settled in my chest.

For a male like me, this was too much to wish for. Impossible.

My wolf whimpered softly within me. I pushed the thought aside and forced my smile to stay intact, the last thing I want is to turn their happy faces to be that of fear just by seeing I wasn't smiling anymore.

“We are most grateful, Your majesty.” They all said and bowed.

I nodded at them and with that they left.

“Leontius.”

I raised my hand halting whenever he planned to say.

When Ilan called me in full with that tone, I knew he had seen past my forced smile, and whatever it was, I didn't want to hear.

“Leave, Ilan.” I said, not with the tone I did talk with him before but as his Alpha King, a tone that told him there wasn't any room to say more.

Ilan bowed and left the room.

I took a deep breath and laid down, the happy faces of the fated mates invaded my thoughts… The reality of never experiencing that kind of joy of being fated haunted me.