Chapter 26 - Slipping Away.

-Alaric-

My gaze held hers, she stared back at me in confusion.

“You need to let those scratches heal properly, Your Majesty, and—”

I rose to my feet and walked away from her, I took my seat on the bed that had been made for her.

“Did I not order that you should be here?” My voice came out sharper than I intended. “Did I not order that I don't want this?”

I could feel annoyance boil in me, and it had nothing to do with her, no, never… by the stars! I was angry with myself.

How pathetic could I be?

I clenched my fingers into a fists beside me, I could feel my nails dug into my palm begging me to stop but I didn't… this pain could never compare to what I have always felt.

How could I still be under their control?

How could their words continue to dictate my actions long after their voices had been silenced by death?

My father was dead.

My grandfather was dead.

How miserable was I? That even when I think , just think, that I must have committed a mistake, I punish myself.

I had become so accustomed to their corrections, as my father called it, that even in my sleep, I continued their work for them.

I hurt myself, tore at my own flesh, and woke up believing that somewhere, somehow, I had been corrected.

What kind of Alpha King was that?

Pray tell, if not a pathetic and useless one.

An evil one who deserved every ounce of suffering that came his way.

This was my cross, mine to carry, mine to suffer for, our sins had reached it brim and was pouring over.

The wickedness that my name carried was more to last a lineage so whatever was coming my way, I deserved it.

Wasn't my sin even greater? I shut my eyes and suddenly I wasn't in my chambers anymore.

I was standing in the midst of crying, yelling, shouting people, wolves and half shifted.

Blood, heads rolling, homes crashing to the ground, fire burning down forests, gardens and even homes.

I looked around, my heart pounding, my head banging as their desperate pleas for forgiveness, for us to stop, for us to forgive grew louder and louder.

The terror in their eyes haunted me as I looked, the way they reached for one another as we tore their home apart had my chest squeezing tight, my breath becoming erratic.

My father and grandfather decided that it was time for me to put my lessons into practice. I was to experience the battlefield, to prove that I possessed the strength required of an Alpha King.

I was battle ready, hoping to prove to them that I was worth it, that I was strong and not weak.

But to my horror it had never been a battle.

It was an ambush.

We had attacked a peaceful kingdom, a kingdom that was busy celebrating, we had attacked the Northern Kingdom and reduced it to ruins.

I can still hear the cries, the yell of their Alpha King, his strong attempt to protect his Kingdom, his people and more importantly, his family.

My claws grew out, I raised it up and readied to plunge it down on myself when-

“Your Majesty?!” Aurelia's voice pierced through my chaos.

I halted and I blinked.

Then the battlefield faded and my chambers returned.

She was bent forward, her face inches away from mine that I could hear her steady breathing.

Her fragrance filled my nostrils, the familiar lavender and hibiscus washed over me. Beneath it lay that delicate, natural scent that belonged to her alone.

Oh, Moon!

I shut my eyes, drawing in a slow breath.

There it was again.

That inexplicable calm, that calmness that has eased a tension I would have hurt myself to get out from.

This…. This felt as though she had reached into my mind and pulled me out of my void

“Oh, Goddess.” I breathed in relief.

I felt calmly alive. This feeling was strange, unknown to me but I want it to stay… forever.

“Are you with me, Your Majesty?”

I opened my eyes, confused by her question.

Then I saw it.

My hands.

Aurelia had been holding them, keeping my claws away from my body.

My eyes widened.

Quickly, I snatched my hands away from hers and shifted back on the bed, away from her as horror and shame crashed over me all at once.

She straightened slowly.

She held my gaze, the usual calmness gone, her expression unreadable.

I would kill to know what she thought of me now .. I know it's nothing good at all.

She turned away from me and went to the table, where the herbs and clothes were.

“I will prepare some tea for you, Your Majesty.” She said gently.

I had expected to hear the disgust, the pity but instead all I heard was her gentleness.

And somehow that made me feel so much worse with myself.

I sighed deeply. “Aurelia, please leave.”

She stopped and turned to me, staring back at me with those pretty confused eyes, “Did I do anything -”

I shook my head, cutting her off.

“Just, leave please.”

“But-”

And then I lost it “I said, leave!”

She flinched and I recoiled.

Fuuckk! The moon knew I didn't mean to yell but I just couldn't bring myself to allow her to understand this… to allow her to feel so gentle.

No.

She wasn't supposed to look at me with this kind of gentleness… I was a monster.

I am evil.

I carry the name of demons and I don't deserve any of this gentleness she offered.

What I deserved was what I was getting before she came along.

For a moment, she watched me… I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze as I would have been eager to, before now.

She bowed and said “As you wish, Your Majesty.”

I watched her leave, every step was as if the calmness I had, the unreal experience I had were moving farther away from me.

The unreal reality I had wished for was slipping out of my holding with every step she took.

I didn't want her to go, yet I wanted her to leave so she doesn't know how pathetic and miserable this male was.

The doors shut behind her… the taste of freedom turned sour on my tongue. I clenched my hands into tight fists.

I didn't deserve what was meant for good people, no, I didn't.

I forced the thoughts aside and connected mentally to the guard stationed outside my chambers.

‘Summon the Beta.’

‘Greeting-’

I snapped. “Now!”