Chapter Seven -Unexpected Discovery

Isabella's Pov

I did my best to clean up the apartment, but it was a mess. Clothes were folded, dishes soaked, papers put away, but it all felt,disturbed. I was a ghost in my own house, picking up a loose sock, and throwing it into the laundry basket, fluffing a pillow on the couch. It took a physical weight to get my hands busy and my mind racing, but the quiet continued to press in.My phone rudely surprised me with the buzzing noise. I looked at it, and I thought that Victor would call again, but it was my mother.

I wavered, thumb hovering. I wasn’t ready to talk, not yet. I let it go to voicemail.Then, quite unexpectedly, the door was knocked at. Sharp, polite, persistent. I stood still with a jumping heart.

“Mom?” I called softly

“Isabella, it’s Eleanor,” came her familiar voice.

There was some relief and surprise when I opened the door.

" I happened to be in the neighborhood, and I believed I would come over,possibly assist a little in the organization. You looked as though you needed it" she said with a smile.

I moved aside, motioning her in.

"I… I guess I needed hel,. It’s a mess.” I heard my voice echoing even to myself.

She smiled kindly, and her presence was a comfort I hadn’t known I had missed.

We passed in and out of rooms, folding, sorting, disposing of what could be discarded, arranging what had to be put away.

The time passed, Eleanor chattering here and there, narrating to me hilarious incidents at the office, inquiring about my life. I replied with generalized responses, without saying too much. There were already too many lies that were floating between the walls of my apartment, and I was not ready to add some more.

Then she opened my dresser-drawer. The one I believed I had fastened too closely, the one I had put my secret in.

Her eyes narrowed a little as they came on the little, folded object at the back. She picked it up tenderly.

“Isabella… what’s this?”

I was as nervous as my stomach was dropping. I moved nearer, and my voice squeaked.

"Nothing, it’s just some old test"

"Nothing?"

She gazed at me, waiting, yet insistent, her hand lightly on the dresser.

"Izzy....you may tell me, I am not going to judge"

My heart hammered,I would have choked, but could not laugh, and I could not make it come out.

“It’s..it’s nothing Really,Just... memories, I guess.” But Eleanor did not seem to be persuaded. With her eyes she had torn the half-truth, through the mask that I had refined during the last few days.

“Isabella,” she said softly

“you don’t have to lie to me,Are you…pregnant?”

The world tilted in its axis. I clapped my voice together, although my heart was tight in my chest and my throat was sore.

“Yes,” I admitted.

“I’m… pregnant.”

Eleanor opened her eyes and the alarm blossomed.

“Oh. Izzy.” Her voice softened.

“Do you know who…?”

I shook my head hastily, in an attempt to keep up some pretence of control.

“It’s… it’s Adrian’s.” The words were like stones in my mouth and very heavy and unnatural.

“At least. that’s what I’m telling everyone.... I don’t.… I can’t—”

Eleanor touched me, grasped my hand. Her hand was down-to-earth, reassuring, but it just made me more panicked.

"You are frightened, I can read that".

" But you need not bear this alone, not bodily, not in heart, you are not alone, Isabella".

I turned my head away, feeling embarrassed, feeling guilty and feeling frightful all at the same time, like a live thing in my stomach.I. I cannot tell anybody. Victor, my mother, anyone. they would know about the scandal, I cannot. I just broke up my marriage. I can never.

" If people found out the scandal I can’t handle it".

"I’ve just… just ended my marriage. I can’t… I won’t"

”You are human" she said tenderly.

"There is nothing wrong with being scared, there is nothing wrong with being guilty, but concealing it, that is just going to make it worse".

I drew my hand up, and rubbed it against my face, set my flushed cheeks in my palms. I do not even know how to deal with this. And Victor, I did not mention him, but the mere name gave me a shiver.He does not know. I can not tell him. and now I am tied up in this. this secret of mine, all my own.

“He… he doesn’t know,I can’t… I can’t tell him. And now I’m stuck in this… this secret that’s only mine"

Eleanor had kind eyes which softened but not judgment was made.

"Then keep that a secret,you need not confess to anybody now, but you cannot hide it forever, Isabella".

"You will have to confess it one day,and when the time comes,you will want somebody to be at your elbow".

I nodded slowly, in the confusion of relief and horror her words had aroused. My heart was aching, and my eyes filled.

I twitched in a frenzy, and they were chased away, lest my panic should be seen.

“Thank you,” I whispered finally.

“For… being here.,For not judging me".

She smiled a little, comprehendingly.

“Always, Izzy. Always”.

I had an increasing sense of being pushed against the chest even as I assisted her in clearing the final bits of organizing, which consisted of piling up papers, smoothing cushions, wiping down counters. Each movement, each banal activity was filled with the secret that was rolled up inside my dresser.At last Eleanor rose, shaking off her hands.

" I must go"

she said, but she continued gazing at me.

"But I will be in later on,And do not feel that you need to do this by yourself, though you may feel like it".

tried to smile and hid the panic which turned in my stomach.

“Thanks… I’ll… I’ll manage".

The door shut behind her, and I was left alone. I sat down on the couch side, and clasped my palms to my face. My legs were bad, my body shaking not with fatigue but with the mere mass of what I had disclosed,even to Eleanor alone.I remembered the pregnancy test I had in my drawer, the one fact in this world of half-truth and lies. That the child was Adrian's , Not Victor’s.

Not anyone else’s. It was a lie I had mastered the art of maintaining appearances, the art of control, the art of survival. And the deceit was like a fire in my chest with each heart beat.I kept on thinking about the implications,the secrets, the humiliation, the danger of being caught.

And how long could I keep this a secret? How soon would the truth start to tear its way free? And what of Victor? What would he do?I got on my feet slowly and trembling and walked off to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and put the lock on, shutting myself out of the world. The apartment was quiet, serene, outside, but in me, there was a roaring of chaos.

I flattened my back to the door, sliding till I sat on the floor, with my knees pulled in close to my chest. I had my hands on my belly, and was saying to myself in the dark.

How long,how long can I hold this secret?